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This one is for the guys.

How many times has it happened to you that when you go into a public restroom and step up to a urinal, only to have some creeper step right up to the one next to you, when there’s 50 billion other urinals open? It’s bad enough if you have somewhat of a shy bladder like I do, but the general uncomfortable feeling you get knowing that some dirty schmuck is standing a foot away from your member is really unnerving.

Take, for example, the event that just happened to me. I was at my local Target store (not occupying any space or signing any petition) and I needed to drain the lizard. I enter the men’s room, only to be greeted by some crackhead facing the mirror, getting changed, mumbling to himself. Now, this is a pretty decently sized restroom; two stalls, two urinals and plenty of sink space (which is being used as a bath for the changing freak). I walk past the changing douche (who has now put his 2 sweat shirts back on) and commence emptying my bladder in the taller urinal.

About this time, some other creepy fuck enters the room. I know this because his stench entered before he did. Guess what he decides to do? USE THE FUCKING URINAL NEXT TO ME. Dude, there are 2 empty stalls, don’t you know the guy code? Wait, that’s a dumb question; he obviously doesn’t know much of anything if he smells they way he does.

At this point, I zip up my fly and promptly leave, having let only a 1/4 of the piss I wanted to out of my bladder. This freak show need not continue in my presence. I wonder if the two of them shared beauty secrets after I left (or lack there of).

For further an more mathematical reading on urinal protocol, check out xkcd’s blog post about it.