“Iron Man 3″ is in theaters worldwide and if you haven’t seen it, stop what you’re doing and head out to the theater immediately to join the phenomenon.  For those who have seen it, then you will most likely agree with what I’m about to tell you.  Unless you’re an angry fanboy who will find some sort of problem with the film no matter what.  Regardless, I loved it.

For those who were disappointed by “Iron Man 2″ back in 2010, this film not only makes up for the second installment’s shortcomings (yes, even I admit it’s the weakest installment in the Avengers saga despite liking and owning the blu ray) but it’s more of a a direct follow up to the preceding box office mega hit “The Avengers.”

The third film takes place months after the events of “The Avengers.”  Tony Stark (played once again magnificently by Robert Downey Jr.) is not his jovial, arrogant-self.  Sure he’s still a smart ass, but ever since what happened at the end of “The Avengers” he hasn’t been able to sleep and spends nearly 24 hours of his day just building Iron Man suits.  It’s become a serious obsession in the hopes he can protect those who matter most to him.  Not to mention he has a bad case of anxiety attacks.

Enter the conflict in the outside world.  The Mandarin, played by Academy Award winner Ben Kingsley, is a ruthless terrorist warlord who had made and delivered on credible threats to the United States.  In order to protect the President, Lt. Col James Rhodes (Don Chedle) goes from War Machine to the Iron Patriot, assigned to protect the President.  The Mandarin is equally equipped with an army of soldiers who carry out his orders and end up destroying large groups of men and women in random bombings.  Yet there’s no bomb residue or trace of the killers to be found at the scene.  If you’ve read the comics, you know exactly what this is: the Extremis project.

When the terror hits Tony Stark’s world through an attack on his close personal friend, it’s a declaration of all out war.  The message is received, and war is brought to Stark’s doorstep literally.  His home is attacked, ravaged and destroyed, leaving Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) displaced with Stark’s ex-flame Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall) and Stark left to fend for himself with damaged Iron Man armor in a small town as the Extemis soldiers hunt him down.

As Stark is in pursuit of the Mandarin, there’s another threat to Stark, this time it’s in the form of Aldrich Killian (Guy Pierce) who continues to lust after Stark’s lady Pepper with a science project that seems all too dangerous.  I won’t say anymore about the story here due to a major twist that changes everything  you think you know in the story.  All I can say is the film ends in particular comic book fashion with an epic battle that leaves you on the edge of your seat.

“Iron Man 3″ works on every level and hits all the important factors of a comic book film positively: story, characters, special effects, action, and comedy.  Without question it’s the best installment of the Iron Man trilogy and in my opinion the second best film of the Avengers saga.  There’s a reason why when these movies come out, that fans line up in droves to see it and they generally receive great praise from fans and critics alike.

What I like the most about this is that it’s more of a story about Tony Stark, not the armor itself.  When movies about superheroes such as this and Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy can make you care more about the man behind the suit/armor rather than thinking it’s fodder until the character suits up again, then the story is told correctly.  Stark is essentially using what little resources he has to survive and it brings a vulnerability to a character that for the longest time was only known as a cocky, arrogant, but lovable human being.

In closing, see this movie.  Not just because it’s the biggest movie in the world right now, but because if you love comics and superhero movies, this one stands out among the finest.  I’m very much looking forward to not only the continuation of Tony Stark in his next adventure, but where else the Marvel Avengers saga is headed.  We won’t have to wait that long as Thor is set to return this Fall and Captain America will return to the big screen next Spring.  “Iron Man 3″ deserves every accolade it has received and I implore everyone out there to go see it.  All great sagas have their time in cinema: “Star Wars” in the late 70s/early 80s, “Harry Potter” in the first decade of the 21st Century.  This is the time of “The Avengers” and how great a time it is if the films continue to be this good.

Overall Score: 10 out of 10

This week Jack, Ryan and Cory are joined by Natalie in a free form show about anything and everything.  Cory shares a death defying tale of balloon treachery, Ryan recounts his experience doing a color run.  Jack has a deep deep obsession with cheese and Natalie really hates a movie more than anything in the world.  Please enjoy our randomness in Episode 138: BalderCast.

He tried, he really did. When Andrew first thought up this show, he wanted to believe the cast he threw together would be nothing but patriots and agree with his sentiments about how America is great and other countries can shove off when they talk ill about his home.

Things didn’t go exactly as he planned.

Listen in as the Boston bombing, lazy, money grubbers, and tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist are discussed and dismantled in this week’s episode of The Only Podcast That Matters.

The new film “Pain & Gain” is based on a true story that took place in Miami, Florida between 1994 and 1995.  While the movie is marketed as a dark comedy, the real life events of the film are harrowing and too unbelievable to be anything but false.  Leave it to Michael Bay to take a serious subject matter and turn it into a Michael Bay movie.  That’s not necessarily a horrible thing though.  While what happened is well, to put it correctly, fucked up, you kinda can’t help but laugh at how stupid these real life individuals had to be in order to concoct a plan that was so ill-conceived that it actually worked.

The film stars Mark Wahlberg as Daniel Lugo, an ambitious man in his 30s that wants more out of life than what he has.  Hey we’ve all been there haven’t we?  Daniel is a dedicated to fitness.  He’s a supervisor a Sun Gym in Miami who focuses most of his time trying to better his clients and his own pursuit of personal perfection.  His close friend Adrian Doorbal (played by Anthony Mackie) is in the same boat as Lugo.  Lugo doesn’t know what to do with his life to make it better, but wants the ideal American Dream.  One day fate answers with several individuals who come into his life.  One is Jonny Wu (played by, you guessed it, the overly saturated Ken Jeong) who’s a self-help guru for people to take what they want.  Lugo begins to believe Wu’s philosophy that anything is possible to attain.

The next individual who comes into Lugo’s life that shapes it is Victor Kershaw (played by Tony Shalhoub).  Kershaw is a self-made man who owns several business and has the asshole card to validate it.  Then the final piece of a the puzzle comes in, a monster of a human being name Paul Doyle (played by Dwayne Johnson) who’s a recently reborn Christian after his most recent stint in prison and struggle with cocaine.  When inspiration strikes, Lugo makes his overall plan come to fruition: himself, Doorbal and Doyle are going to rob Victor Kershaw and take everything he owns by any means necessary.  The boys kidnap Kershaw and hold him hostage for 30 days depriving him of sleep, food and freedom.  They torture this man just so he can sign over all his assets to them.

As the boys delve deeper into their tretcherous acts of violence they get exactly what they want leaving Kershaw for dead.  While Lugo and his crew spend his money and commit debautchery, they get too far in over their heads which leads to further violence, murder, and robbery.  In the end justice prevails, but the film takes so many twists and turns that it’s hard to believe any of this actually happened.  Once again, it did.

The film itself is hysterical, shocking and frightening at the same time.  I found myself enamored with this story and knew that the end was coming for these individuals.  Mark Wahlberg gives the funniest performance of his career.  Forget “Ted” and “The Other Guys,” Wahlberg’s comedic work in this film is his funniest to date.  Dwayne Johnson gives the best performance of his acting career as he’s playing a real person, not a super-soldier or a cop, but a guy way in over his head who’s trying to use his wits about him.  The supporting cast is phenomenal as well.  Ed Harris, Rebel Wilson and Rob Corddry all bring that are by no means playing the same characters they always play.  Well, maybe Ed Harris does, but Harris is a tough old bad ass who’s still intimidating as hell.  The chemistry between Mackie, Wahlberg and Johnson is one of the best trios I’ve seen on-screen in years.

In conclusion, “Pain & Gain” is a definite must see and one of my favorite films of this year so far.  The film has everything: action, drama, suspense, comedy.  I had little to no expectations for this movie to be anything but trash, but it’s the complete opposite.  Don’t let the trailer be the only judgement you have on this movie.  Go out and see this film now.  Oh yeah, and don’t do drugs.

Overall score: 9.5 out of 10

Tom Cruise returns to theaters as a man named Jack Reacher, I mean Harper in his latest sci-fi epic, “Oblivion.”  Oblivion is a story about life on earth, or should I say its remains, after an alien attack decades before ravaged the planet.  National monuments, a majority of resources, and human beings themselves are no longer existent on this planet.  Earth is uninhabitable.  Jack Harper is an employee of the company in space that is housing society in while Jack and his girlfriend/ tech partner Vica (short for Victoria played by Andrea Riseborough) are a clean up crew on Earth.  Think Wall-E and Eve, but without a lot of personality.  In 2 weeks they’ll be joining the rest of their space comrades and settling on a new planet where human life can resume it’s earth duties.  Again, think Wall-E.

Something isn’t right though with Jack.  He keeps having recurring nightmares about a woman from his past who he swears is real and familiar.  Compile that with Jack’s curiosity about the extinct earth itself and it causes him to be despondent.  Jack explores the remains of old New York City in search for answers, all the while being hunted by a mysterious group of species.  Are they aliens?  Animals?  Humans?  We don’t know until later in the film.  During Jack’s travels he comes across a group of survivors from a shuttle crash.  One of which is the mysterious woman who is from his dreams(played by Olga Kurylenko), that knows more about him than he knows her.  Jack’s continued curiosity leads him to a group of rag-tag soldiers led by Morgan Freeman.  Are they the mysterious creatures I spoke of before?  Well yes.  No real spoilers here.  If you saw the trailer and can put 2 and 2 together, you know where that was headed.

Freeman’s group seem like a bunch of terrorists hell-bent on the destruction the remainder of the human race.  Their objectives couldn’t be more different.  Without actually spoiling the movie,  things become more and more layered.  Jack begins to learn the truth, question his intentions in his profession and defy those who have known him closely.  Just when you think you know where the story is going it takes a complete turn that for me almost derailed the movie.  Luckily the Oblivion train gets back on track as the plot twist makes more and more sense as the film draws towards its conclusion.  In the end, it makes for a finale that makes you think of another sci-fi classic in particular.  That one I’ll let you see for yourselves.

Oblivion overall is a fun ride.  All the elements of a blockbuster are there.  It’s not a sequel or a prequel or anything of the sort but you can tell it borrows from several sci-fi stories such as “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “Logan’s Run,” “The Matrix” and yes even “Wall-E” despite that being a Pixar movie.  The movie does keep you guessing and doesn’t bore you to tears for the next two hours, even with the plot twist.  What Oblivion suffers from is the lack of personality by these characters.  Yes, I get it they’re in a ravaged society and there isn’t a lot of time for humor, but sometimes a little comic relief goes a long way.  Movies like “Star Trek,” “Independence Day” and “The Empire Strikes Back” made the best out of bad situations and found some lightheartedness out of darkness.  This film could have benefited from a charisma bypass.  Even lines like “You should see the other guy” after Jack returns from a fight don’t make me chuckle, they make my eyes roll.  That line has been beaten to death more times than Rocky Balboa.

In conclusion, Oblivion is a good film.  Not great, but good.  Seeing it in the theater is preferable, but if you want to wait for a rental than I don’t blame you.  To each their own, I prefer the theater.  I’m surprised a movie like this wasn’t converted to 3D, but given Tom Cruise’s reputation (yes some people are still iffy about him after 2005) it probably would detract people from going to the box office to see it if they had to pay that extra 3D charge.  It might be enough for some people just to get back into the theater and see him as something different from Ethan Hunt, like the good old days when he was a major box office draw.  It’s unfortunate, but Tom Cruise is still a good actor and I enjoy a majority of his roles.  In all honesty if it was anyone but him, this movie would have been less of a spectacle.  Maybe audiences are turning the corner and beginning to accept him back as long as he keeps his mouth shut about…well let’s not feed the beast shall we.  Oblivion is good, no personality test required.

Overall score: 8 out of 10

While it isn’t likely to happen, the boys have a chat about what each of them would do if they were made King of the World, and no annoyance is spared.  Jack assembles a kill list, Chris cuts down the internet’s feline population, Ryan establishes a ban on words, and Andrew unwillingly has his rulings laid out by the other three.

The new movie “42″ is based on the legendary star of the Brooklyn Dodgers, Jackie Robinson.  A man who transcended sports and is a human being who genuinely changed the world by taking a stand.  42 is the number Robinson wore on his uniform, that is the only number in baseball officially retired and for good reason.  Only one man could have worn that number proudly, and it certainly was Robinson.

The film begins in 1945 where Dodgers manager Branch Ricky (played by Harrison Ford) is looking to diversify the sport of professional baseball.  Ricky goes on a hunt to find one athletically gifted man of a different color to join his team.  To the worry and dismay of his fellow management team and players, he wants to make history.  As many of you know, this wasn’t a time when people of a different color weren’t accepted as they are today.  Segregation and racism were rampant in all parts of the United States, and having a man of African-American descent on a team of all white players was something that caused an uproar.

Ricky comes across Jackie Robinson played by Chadwick Boseman.  A prodigy from a Mobile, Alabama minor league team of black baseball players.  Robinson doesn’t accept the invitation without hesitation, he knows what he’s getting into.  Robinson had endured racism his entire life all over, and knew that his acceptance in major league baseball wouldn’t come easy.  Robinson also wasn’t a man to back down to anyone.  He stood up for himself as a man and did what was right in a manner that was not self-serving.  Throughout the film, Robinson comes up against many obstacles such as rowdy crowds, racist opposing coaches and less than supportive and enthusiastic teammates.  Through it all he endures and gets near the edge of having his spirit broken only to rise above the hate and become a beloved hero to millions of individuals of various races.  What made Robinson such a special player wasn’t the color of his skin, but the incredible talent he had.  Nobody stole bases like him and no one on his team was as fast and nearly as talented as him.

What makes the film great is the message here woven throughout the story.  The ability of the human spirit and the ability to overcome all obstacles placed in front of you.  The film tugs on your very soul as a human being as being repulsed by the negativity this man received for years just because the color of his skin.  It’s hard to believe a world like that ever existed.  The performances of the film are great, maybe not award worthy great, but they do the job just fine to convey the films message.  There are a few “woe is me” scenes in the film, but it eventually leads to an uplifting finale.  A finale in which I wanted to see the story continue and see the rest of his career progress.

In closing, “42″ is not only a great sports movie, but a great movie about human beings in general.  It relays the message that what we can learn from history can prevent us from repeating again.  Robinson truly was a revolutionary and deserves every accolade he’s ever received during his lifetime and beyond.  “42″ is the story of a true icon and hero, one that will be remembered in the annuls of time.

Overall Score: 9 out of 10

In the premiere edition of “Lights!  Camera!  Jackson!,” I’m revisiting a classic.  A recently re-released classic…..in 3D!:  “Jurassic Park.”  The film celebrates its 20th anniversary this year and is the latest attempt at a studio trying to re-introduce a film to audiences with the new 3D technology.  Only this time, it’s a successful attempt because the 3D actually works.

Wow, 20 years!  Where did life go exactly?  This is one of the first movies to make me actually feel old, because I remember when this came out in theaters.  The film was originally released a month before my eighth birthday and remember after my first grade school year ended, less than a week later I was in the theater seeing this movie.  I remember everyone told me how scary it was and that I was going to be terrified watching it and too young to see it in the movies.  Then I saw it and knew everyone was wrong.  I wasn’t scared, I was enamored with this film.  Dare I say, obsessed.  It was one of those movies where I was happy to be part of the cultural phenomenon at the time.  I had a vast majority of the toys, including the main characters, the dinosaurs, the vehicles and some play sets.  All equipped with Dino-damage.  Remember that on the packaging?!  So awesome and cherished emblems of my childhood.  Unfortunately they were unceremoniously tossed in the garbage years later and a part of my childhood was destroyed.  I loved those toys and miss them so to this day.

Besides all the cherished childhood memories from this film, this is one of the films that made me take notice of a director.  Besides “E.T.” and “Hook,” this was one of the early  Steven Spielberg movies I saw up to that age.  Years later I would be introduced to classics from Mr. Spielberg such as “Jaws,” “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” and countless others.  It made me appreciate from a young age all that goes into the movie making process.

All the sense of wonder and excitement that film brought to audiences and myself in summer 1993 is still there.  It’s a movie to me that never gets old and something to which I can watch and take away something new from it each time.  The story still captivates you, the characters still make you laugh (see Jeff Goldblum) and the groundbreaking effects that redefined films (some of the original use of CGI) never lose their luster.  The scene where the T-Rex escapes is still one of my favorite scenes in films ever.  I sank in my seat and held my breath as the monstrous carnivore rips apart of a Ford Explorer in search of its prey.  Let’s not forget the majestic score of the film by Sir John Williams as it blared in the digital speakers around me.  I sat there with a smile on my face for 2 hours and 7 minutes.  Everything still works.

As far as the 3D is concerned, it lived to its full potential.  In the past three years there have been handfuls of movies both new and old that have used 3D technology to drive home the theatrical experience and rake in the big bucks.  In this case it works.  The characters and the environment pop off the screen to where you feel like you are actually there for the ride.  That’s the way 3D is intended to be.  The IMAX experience drove it home for me too.  As you’ll see in many of my future installments, I’m big on seeing movies in IMAX.  If you’re gonna enjoy a film, go big or go home I say.  I want to live the experience in the best way possible.  This was certainly it.

In closing, if you saw Jurassic Park in 3D you are in for a theatrical treat of epic proportions.  If you missed it due to its limited run, you can have another chance to see it now available on 3D Blu-ray.  I can’t say you’ll get the best experience out of it compared to a theater, but at least you’ll see it in its digital clarity.  In the future, there are intended 3D re-releases for “Independence Day” and the last two “Star Wars” prequels.  I can only hope if those come to fruition, they’ll be as good as “Jurassic Park.”  And even if you didn’t see it in 3D and saw it on a 2D screen, well, it’s still “Jurassic Park” and after all these years it’s still one of the greats.

Overall Score: 10 out of 10

Hello one and all once again.  It’s your favorite nerd from TheOnlyPodcast.com, Jack.  It’s been a long time since you’ve read my thoughts and opinions about, well… anything.  But never fear, I’m back with a whole new section on our website once again dedicated to my thoughts and opinions, but not about real important things, but my favorite things: movies.  With Movie Season on the horizon (yes, I consider this to be the premiere season for movies year round) I figure there’s no better time than to offer my opinions about what’s out at the box office.  I’ll give you my honest opinions about what’s out there on the silver screen now and my thoughts and feelings on films not so recent such as what I’m watching on Netflix, On Demand, Blu-ray and DVD if it already hasn’t been reviewed to death.  Don’t worry about if I won’t cover anything on this site either.  I pretty much see everything.  Except for anything with Vin Diesel or with the title Step Up attached to it.  That shit needs to stop!

So check it out weekly, or in some circumstances, bi-weekly depending on what’s out there and I’ll give you my opinions about what you should see and what you should skip.  That’s right, I’ll see the movies that you don’t have to.  Think of me as a test subject in a lab.  Check out the premiere week on this site with two reviews this week, May 1st and 2nd.  Now I guess I’ll end with something corny like “I’ll see you at the movies.”  Nah, too cliche.  Just read up if you wanna know what’s good people.

Thanks,

Jack

This week Jack, Cory and Ryan preview all the upcoming summer blockbusters this summer.  Jack expresses his new found love of Star Trek.  Ryan’s list of movies he has to watch this summer increases during the show, and Cory has only one thing to say, Riddick.  Please enjoy FilmCast 6.

It is time to take a long, hard, and humorous look at music once again as the boys discuss streaming services, the hype over iTunes releases, the continued rise of TV and film musicals, and what genres of music they enjoy outside of Rock.  Metal Jimmy expresses his love for fan funding, Chris gets mocked for a former guilty pleasure, Andrew snarls at boutique headphones, and Dan explains why he hates Metal.

As the show marches past the halfway point of its third year, it is time to assemble the messy parts of the last six months.  This hour of outtakes spans episodes 106-132, and includes all the guys as well as their myriad of guests.  Some old bumps are smoothed out while new ones pop up and the aggressive mocking of each other continues unabated.  Buckle up, crank the volume, and prepare for hilarity!

Its that time of year again. The greatest spectacle of sports entertainment comes close to home at the Met Life Stadium and Andrew and Jack would like to throw their opinion in the proverbially ring. Joined by Andrew’s cousin Chris (just call him Rayne from now on…), the trio discuss their admiration of the independent wrestling scene; from their own humble backyard federation, to Rayne’s adventures with actual superstars, to   wanting to see Paul Heyman burst a capillary. Crack open a beer, raise the People’s Eyebrow and listen to the latest episode of The Only Podcast That Matters.

This week we sit down and talk about dreams.  The good ones, the bad ones, and the ones that make us cringe.  Jack finds out where his fear of sharks come from, Ryan thinks about the morning wood phenomena.  While Jimmy loves his rocks and Cory’s dreams thwart him at every turn.  Please Enjoy delving into our subconscious in DreamCast!

Recently, I’ve been looking to move.  Lakewood, the current town that I reside in, has a large orthodox Jewish population which is much more religious than I ever plan on becoming and decided to get out before I’m old enough to wear diapers again.  The particular area that I’ve been looking at is about an hour away from where I live, and the weekend I planned on going house-hunting there was a Friday night get-together that a couple of acquaintances were going to.  Since I was going to be in the area on Saturday, I thought I’d stop by and see if I could meet some new people.  So I put in an RSVP and went.

Everyone there was very friendly.  Not all the people that I spoke with resulted in great conversations.  There was one particular gentleman with a very Jewish-sounding name who was incredibly awkward to talk to.  Normally, names that are given to Jewish kids are names such as Yitzhak, Yaakov, Shloimi, or Menachim.  For the sake of the story, let’s call him Bob.

Bob and I had almost nothing both of us could relate to.  Over the course of 4 and a half hours, we spoke for a grand total of 3 minutes, of which 2.5 of those minutes were silences.  We both kept our hands in our pockets and did the awkward head-bob of agreement whilst repeating “Interesting” and “oh, I see.”  After this brief period revealed that neither one of us desired to continue our lack of conversation, we exchanged pleasantries and went our separate ways.

As the party was winding down, one woman mentioned she had a friend that had an extra bed and offered me to stay the night at said friend’s place since it was late (it was close to 2am at this point in time).  I already planned on staying at a Days Inn that was 10 minutes away, but I figured since I hadn’t made the reservation yet, this would save me some cash and the drive back the next day, I obliged.  She then introduced me to this friend of hers.  It was Bob.

I could tell that Bob wasn’t the most thrilled person in the world when he saw that I was the guest he would be hosting for the night.  After I initially declined the offer, he insisted that I stay and that it wouldn’t be a hassle for him to host a guest for the night.  Not wanting to be rude, I obliged.

Luckily the conversation with Bob went better on the way to his house.   I was also able to meet Bob’s roommate who was still awake and was very nice.  I spent an hour talking to Bob and his roommate while Bob sat next to me after taking off his shoes and started massaging his feet.  I didn’t mind this so much.  Anyone’s feet can hurt after a long walk.  Then took of his socks.

It was disgusting.  The fungus-infestation was on Every. Single. Toenail.  They were so bad, the underside of his toes were greener than the grass at Yankee Stadium.  They were so thick he’d have trouble getting clippers over them.  They were infested for so long that some of his toes were only half-covered by the nail.  While his roommate and I were discussing religious laws, he was trying to trim his homemade penicillin with his fingernails over the garbage.  I was glad I decided to keep my socks on.

Eventually Bob stopped playing with his feet, but then he went digging for gold.  I saw it out of the corner of my eye, and when I turned my head to steer the discussion toward him, I got a full view of his index finger so far up his nose, he would’ve been able to get a target locator out of his brain without any help from outside equipment and empty his new-found riches into the garbage bin like he was adding a pinch of salt to a broth on a stove.

Around 3am, we all decided to go to bed.  The extra bed was located in none other than Bob’s room.  I didn’t mind it so much, but since Bob was a more religious man than I was, he set his alarm for 6:45am the day before and, since it was Saturday, he was not allowed to touch the alarm until sundown.  This meant that as soon as the alarm clock rang, it kept ringing for the whole 2 hours before it automatically shuts off.  This also meant that Bob was going to be awake early and I would have to shake his hand in the morning.  Luckily, since it was chilly the day before, I remembered to bring gloves.

After waking up, Bob went to the restroom to brush his teeth.  I got dressed as fast as I could and immediately put my gloves on and waited to say goodbye before I left.  Once he stepped out of the restroom, we said our goodbyes and he held out his hand for the dreaded handshake.  After the handshake, I stepped outside and made sure to keep my right glove clear of the rest of my body.  As soon as I got back to my car, I reached for the packet of hand sanitizer and nearly emptied the entire bottle into both my gloves.

The rest of the day went by without any issues, though I did have to drink 2 cups of coffee, 3 cups of tea and 2 soft drinks to make it through.  Once I got back home, I was so exhausted I put my head on the pillow and next thing I knew, it was morning.

Next time, I’m staying at the Days Inn.

The Only Podcast That Matters is on Soundcloud!  Stream and download an ever growing collection of clips from many episodes.  Make sure to follow the show with your Soundcloud account for new uploads, which will soon include exclusive clips and previews for upcoming episodes.  Click the play button below and get yourself some laughs.

It was only a matter of time before the women had their say.  Newcomer Kim joins show favorites Veronica and Natalie (with Chris sitting in as the token man) to tell us why ladies are great and why men suck.  Along the way, they also dish on bad dates, the pain of bra shopping, celebrity crushes, food, makeup, chocolate, notable firsts, cheesecake, and what they really think about penises.  These truths are unfiltered, occasionally graphic, and absolutely hilarious.

Ryan and Chris sit down yet again to discuss music, such as the continued decline of classic rock radio, the lack of male role models in modern music, and the lack of awareness of truly talented artists who have been making music for decades.

What began as a supposed RonCast 2 quickly devolved into a conversation spanning multiple topics. Listen as Ryan, Metal Jimmy, Ron and Jack cover a gamut of topics including religion, travel, South Park and The Fifth Element.

Join Andrew, Ryan, Natalie and Veronica on a roller coaster of feelings toward their hometown of Lakewood, NJ. Listen as they bemoan the current state of the town, fondly remember high school, discuss the diversity of Lakewood, and recall places of interest during childhood; all while trying to have a good laugh.

Ryan and Chris are back for another chat about music.  They revisit their never ending “rock versus pop” argument, rally for more live musicianship, sum up their enjoyment of a recent Gin Blossoms concert, and question the motives of the most annoying concertgoers.

As technology continues to move forward, the boys sometimes struggle to keep up with it as they stand between their love of the new and attachments to the old.  Andrew goes after patent trolls, Ryan charges his phone in comfort, Chris pits Blockbuster against Redbox, and Jack struggles with digital copies.

TheOnlyPodcast.com proudly presents the debut episode of this brand new monthly series.  Ryan, Cory, and Jack dish out the dirt on what it’s like living together in the same house.  From football and wrestling fandom to sharing a one bathroom and one refrigerator, the boys discuss the joys and woes of independence.

From the guys who brought you FatCast comes the explosive sequel ReducedFatCast.  Jack and Cory talk all about a program they both started, Ryan chats about cutting out soda and Andrew praises the P90X Program.

They could have at least tried to make a good Die Hard sequel.

Just in case you didn’t hear the recent HalfCast where Ryan and I discussed this year’s action films and their poor performance, I said I had low expectations for the fifth installment of Die Hard.  Frankly, this hilarious video from Screen Junkies mirrors many of my own thoughts when it comes to my concerns about this sequel.

For the sake of providing some of my perspective on this (in case you’re unaware of my well-grounded opinions), like many, I’d always regarded Die Hard 2 as the weak spot in the series.  This is no longer true.  Having seen what is now five movies in chronological order during a marathon on Wednesday, I have to say DH2 is definitely the third best (or third worst) in the series, with Die Hard With A Vengeance  as my favorite followed closely by the original.  Despite the weak premise and dopey, flag-waving title of Live Free Or Die Hard (which I will refer to as DH4 for the remainder of this rant), I saw the movie when it came out six years ago and enjoyed it despite its flaws.  Having now seen DH2 and DH4 three times each, I can say that at least DH2 looks and feels like a Die Hard movie whereas DH4 annoys me more with each viewing.

Having said all that, I can safely say the also poorly titled A Good Day To Die Hard is stunningly awful.  After the last movie, many complained that the Die Hard name no longer had anything to do with the John McClane we grew up loving and it had merely been relegated to a brand.  I can’t help but agree with this because DH5 (get the idea?) doesn’t even remotely resemble the Die Hard films I love.

First of all, like DH4 and every recent action movie, there is an annoying blue tint during every action sequence and outdoor scene.  I’m not sure who’s to blame for this trend, but it really gets on my nerves when I see this style which I assume is trying to present some brooding darkness.  It’s a Die Hard movie (supposedly).  It’s supposed to be serious but light at the same time.

Another big issue is how John McClane isn’t really the main player in this movie.  He’s basically the annoying sidekick Justin Long was in the last movie.  His son, Jack, does most of the talking and calls most of the shots.  Even when John does have quips, they’re rarely funny and pointed like they used to be.  They sound more like a pissed off old man.  Bruce Willis might be playing a character named John McClane, but it’s not the same guy who we saw in the Die Hards of yore.

Speaking of his son, it was a shame to see a retread of the bad relationship he had with his daughter in the last one.  Jack wants nothing to do with John, just like Lucy did.  Apparently, he’s gone from unlucky street cop to bad father since 1995.  Remember how John’s wife, Holly, was using her maiden name (Gennaro) when he flew to LA to see her in the first movie?  His daughter was also using that last name in DH4.  Jack never comes out and says he’s going by the name Gennaro and not McClane in the new movie, but the way the story was going, I expected it.

As if the “estranged father” story wasn’t bad enough, rather than ending up in the middle of a terrorist plot and having to fight his way out like in the previous four films, John goes to Russia knowing his son is in trouble, which means he’s going there looking for a fight.  Yes, the “wrong place, wrong time” angle might get stale after a while, but we’ve never seen John McClane go looking for trouble.  On top of that, when he does end up in tight spots, he repeatedly quips that he’s “on vacation” which isn’t funny because they show us in the first few minutes of the movie how this isn’t the case.

Why couldn’t they give us a decent bad guy in this flick?  I’m not going to spoil the story or details here, but both of the Gruber brothers were clearly enjoying themselves while terrorizing people in the first and third movie.  The DH2 terrorists were pretty straight-laced but John’s bickering with Dennis Franz’s head of airport security made up for it.  I never thought Timothy Olyphant staring angrily at computer screens was all that electrifying in the last movie, but all the more reason there should have been an enjoyable baddie this time!

As for the trademark “Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker,” for the first time in the series, it’s not even used right before or right after killing the bad guy.  What a waste.

Finally, call it nitpicking, but I shouldn’t have had much faith in a movie written by a guy named Skip.  Grown men who go by the names Skip and Chip are not to be trusted, plain and simple.  Plus, considering this same guy wrote the last Wolverine movie and the poor adaptations of both Hitman and The A-Team, I shouldn’t have expected this move to be watchable.  And to think I had such hopes for Kane & Lynch.

Overall, I didn’t enjoy a single thing about the movie, except the fact that it was a half hour shorter than the other four movies, which was only a perk in light of how bad it was.  If there is a sixth film made down the line, I’ll be very reluctant to see it.  Once again, you can hear more detailed thoughts in the HalfCast from this past weekend.  Until next time, this is Chris and I’ll see you at the movies (but not if they continue that annoying blue tint thing).

After a disappointing start for action movies in 2013, Chris and Ryan talk about whether the fifth “Die Hard” movie will sink or swim.  They also reminisce about the peak of the action superstars of their youth who seem to be losing traction as the years go on, as well as rally for better blu-ray releases of their favorite films.

This week Jack, Cory and Ryan discuss awards season.  We talk about the big winners the losers and the snubs.  Ryan talks about his love for John Goodman, Jack spits venom toward a certain nominated foreign film and Cory thinks that same film will win everything.  Enjoy our round table discussion in OscarCast.

It’s time for the bad seeds to have their say.  Chris, Andrew, Ryan, and Jack rail against the majority of sports as only they can.  The boys celebrate the end of the NFL season, show appreciation for sports movies, debate the lack of New Jersey representation in pro sports, and question team fanaticism, all while occasionally showing affection for some sports.

The sports junkies finally get back together for a much needed sequel to SportCast.  Cory, Metal Jimmy and Dan are joined once again by Jeff to talk about all things sports.  Cory talks about his love of the Brooklyn Nets, Metal Jimmy takes a surprising stand on Jeremy Lin, Jeff recaps how his 49ers got to the Superbowl, and Dan still only watches football.

It’s that time again: Jack, Andrew, and Chris return for a fourth outing.  The boys spend time lamenting New Jersey’s winter weather, dissecting the crock of Valentine’s Day, questioning boy band reunions, arguing the banning of toys, and even talking about bits of the world beyond the American borders.

Nothing infuriates me more than mass produced, misconstrued and generally bad theories about tragic events that happen in our country; especially conspiracy theories.

Ever since the events of Newtown, the media has been swarming over anything dealing with a firearm. And if its bad news, the more the press wants to cover it. We, as  the general consumer populace, have been inundated with “news” regarding anything has the term “gun” or “firearm” remotely attached to it.  Its getting to a fever pitch, ever since the President told the country of his new plan on how to handle the situation.

Now let’s step back and think for a second: if a national leader says something a large majority of people don’t like, of course there will be a backlash towards it. This, however, is getting ridiculous. It seems that every word the NRA (I’m not supporting them) and any other gun owner in this country says or types is being scrutinized as if they are all home grown terrorists. Listen, I have a purchasers permit, I plan on owning a gun one day, but I have no plans on going on some sort of killing spree or showing (or letting them know of) the weapon of to any children I may have. Still, my name is on the register, so I will be vilified at some point.

On the other side of the coin, and the reason I said I wasn’t supporting the gun nuts at the NRA, are the anti-Liberal, anti-Obama conspiracy theorists. The newest thing the web is being flooded with are all the theories about how the entire shooting was a set up, or worse, a hoax. The gun nuts claim that it was set up by the current administration to help push their anti-gun agenda and eradicate the 2nd Amendment, among other things. They tell stories about how all the parents in the videos were hired actors and have no real connection to the tragedy. There is even one video that says one of the children wasn’t killed and is seen in later news footage with her parents.

Now, I’m not linking to any of these vids because I don’t want them to garner any more attention then they already have. You can find all you want if you just Google “Newtown conspiracy”. What I don’t understand is why people can’t calmly sit down and talk about this. People become too emboldened when something they feel strongly about starts to make press. This drives the wedge further between us as individuals and makes us focus on the hate of the other group rather than the problem at hand. Crime will always be present, no matter how many laws you enact and how much you try to tighten the grip on whatever the supposed problem is.

If you want to hear more of my thoughts, even if there are a little drowned out by the other three members, go listen to Episode 120.

After far too long, the boys have a thorough discussion about music.  Metal Jimmy and Dan join Chris and Andrew to discuss the resurgence of vinyl, the rewards of digital, and much more.  Andrew explains why he’s losing interest in Metal, Chris craves more compilations, Jimmy explains his love for a certain progressive band, and Dan picks on Muse.

Andrew, Ryan, Chris, and Jack talk about last year’s devastating massacres in Colorado and Connecticut.  They all have plenty to say about their stances on gun control, public safety, and the state of America in the wake of these tragedies. While there are still laughs, this episode has more of a somber tone than usual, as expected.

And so another year has come and gone, and Chris, Andrew, Ryan, and Jack have plenty of praise and criticism for it.  Listen as the boys discuss the best and worst in film, music, television, and “literature.”  Hear them analyze social media, politics, and world events.  Be aghast at their assault on New Year’s resolutions.  It’s all here to help kick off the year. Have no fear.  Stand up and cheer!

Well, the Mayans were wrong.  We’re still here.  Not just those of us on the website but you as well.  Congratulations, we’ve made it.

It’s the time of year when doomed gym memberships begin, people give up drinking until roughly the first weekend of January, and the cycle of national self-destruction begins all over again before the NFL playoffs wrap up.

With that low expectation in mind, I have a list of a few ways to make 2013 better than 2012, and not in the hyped-up Facebook status delusional way, but real, practical stuff.  If guidance from some shlub who does a weekly internet show is the kind you’re looking for, have I got a year for you!

In no particular order:

1.  Stop being interested in celebrity pregnancies.  You know who I mean and you know you shouldn’t care, so let’s nip this in the bud right away, shall we?

2. Smile at people.  It’s free and it’s easy.  Yeah, we’re all up inside our heads thinking about whether or not our last move in Words With Friends will cost us the game while the cashier greets us, but take a moment to smile and greet someone.  It might make someone other than you feel good, and that’s okay.

3. Don’t piss on public toilet seats.  This goes for you too, ladies.

4. Go outside.  A few thousand HD channels and an iPhone make it pretty easy for us to forge a deeper indentation in our couch cushions but we occasionally need to be reminded that there is a big world out there.  And don’t just wait for summer weather to try this one.

5. Donate to stuff.  You time or your money.  People, animals, finding cures for diseases – there are so many ways to make this world a better place.  Buy one less $4 coffee each week and that’s $200 a year which can be used to do some good.  Multiply that money by the number of people who are willing to do so and, well, you get the picture.  Let’s actually try making the world around us better this year.

There you go, short and sweet.  By the way, in case you have been too busy being festive to notice what’s been going on here at the dot-com, make sure to check out this year’s holiday video.  It’s great because I’m in it.

Also, I made my triumphant return to the show last Friday, so if you missed me, go get your fix here.

Finally, for the sake of more self-promotion, check out some cover songs I recorded for fun last month over here.

Happy New Year to all people everywhere and remember to listen to this Friday’s show where we’ll look back at the peaks and pitfalls of 2012!

After a long silence, a Warrior returns to fold with snarky vengeance.  That’s right, it’s time to catch up with Chris and find out why he hasn’t been in the show for so long.  Hear about his cross-country adventures while Ryan gets annoyed by a certain synonym for “bland,” Jack is once again forced to defend his love of wrestling, and Andrew aspires to become a sidekick.

Does Jack know the truth about Santa Claus?  If not, what will Chris and Andrew do to save his holiday spirit?  Find out in this holiday season’s short film!

The Only Podcast That Matters welcomes you to another XmasCast.  This year Ryan, Jack and Cory are joined by Metal Jimmy, who tells us the value of not ruining presents.  Jack vents about how horribly his holiday season started, Cory gets his revenge and talks about feral cats, while Ryan gets seriously into the Xmas spirit, and finds out what a “brony” is.  Please enjoy XmasCast 2012 and have a very merry Xmas.

This week, the guys talk all about our friends: old people.  Ryan rants about preferred parking,  Andrew rages about hungry thieves, Cory informs us about his family history, and Jack would like to push all old people into traffic, plus much, much more in this week’s hilarious episode GreyCast!

It’s time to let the geek flag fly once again as Andrew, Jack, Cory, and Metal Jimmy enjoy a collective nerdgasm.  With an endless stream of news and speculation following Disney’s acquisition of LucasFilm, the boys share their hopes and desires for the continuing “Star Wars” franchise, as well as discussing both current and future Marvel and DC films.

BEHOLD THE TRIO OF DOOM!! THE DEALERS OF YOUR DEMISE!! THE…well, not really. It’s just Ryan, Andrew, and Jack. Join them as the discussion in this episode covers a menagerie of topics such as politics, post hurricane woes, video games and (duh) movies.  Sit back, relax and laugh at the hilarity of this trio.

This week, the guys are once again joined by Dan to discuss their love for anime.   Dan talks about his love for biker teachers, Jimmy is nostalgic about a jazzy anime, Andrew does not like them titties (for once) and Cory loves the gore.

No one could have foreseen the actual amount of complete devastation that super storm Sandy wrought upon New Jersey and New York; certainly not the members of this podcast. Sit back and listen as Jack, Andrew, Ron and Veronica recall what they saw after the storm, both the good and bad. Faith in humanity was both preserved and taken away as stories are told of kindness, tragedy, looting and overall stupidity following the catastrophic events.

If you’re feeling generous, there are multiple ways to donate and help out. Here are just a few links:

The Red Cross

Restore the Shore

Heal Hoboken

Every little bit helps.

The first in a two-part series of shows, this episode was recorded the night before Hurricane Sandy made landfall in New Jersey.  Ryan, Jack and Cory sat down to make light of the time leading up to the storm, not knowing the devastation which would strike the East Coast in the days that followed.  The effects of the storm will be further discussed in the next episode.

The boys have a chat about their favorite villains, creatures, and other bringers of terror.  Ryan continues his support of the zombie apocalypse, Andrew shows his love for those nighttime neck-biters, Jack points out tasteful film remakes, and Cory discusses some of the most terrifying video games.

Everyone has opinions, and when it comes to movies, these guys are loaded with them.  Chris and Dan face off with Cory and Jack over their tastes in movies of all sorts, from cinematic classics to modern blockbusters.  Egos will be bruised, box office draws will be measured, and the overrated will be called out in this all-out battle of words!

So here we are.  100 straight weeks of Rants.  No , this won’t be the absolute last one, but for now, I won’t be posting on a weekly basis but more sporadically when I have something interesting to say.

This has been a hell of a lot of fun for me to do.  Way back in early 2005 when I originally started ranting, my plan was to write one blog a month for the sake of keeping my writing in shape and giving me something to continuously work on.  Things didn’t really unfold that way, but if we fast forward just over five years, there was a weekly podcast to continually work on and the eventual weekly column you are enjoying right now.  The seed I planted years back which sprouted slowly through random posts on Blogger and semi-privately on MySpace has grown into 100 weekly posts which I am incredibly proud of.

It’s true that I’m only 31 years old, but when I look back at different stages of my life, it’s very cool to see how many of the seeds I’ve planted have grown into larger parts of my life.  Back in 2006, when I became aware of the media known as the podcast through Disney/Pixar’s Cars promotional video series and episodes of Steve Jones’ radio show on Indie 103.1, I developed an immediate affection for it.  I’d always thought it might be something fun to do down the line, although I didn’t know who I’d do a show with.

Two years later, after moving back to New Jersey, I reconnected with Andrew and met Ryan, and many laughs were born on a weekly basis.  The subject of doing a collective blog came up many times with no real action being taken, and we started kicking around ideas for a podcast.  You may very well be aware of how destiny took us forward from there, and in 2010, all this began.  Weekly shows gave way to a few smaller shows along the way, entertaining film commentaries, new contributors, and nearly 30 videos.  These 100 Mondays have not only seen the development of my writing, but they’ve also been one of the many series of dots which have connected all we’ve done during this time.

And there is so much more to come.

Without any tears or long, drawn-out goodbyes, I humbly thank you for reading my thoughts and complaints and I hope you’ll continue checking out what we’re up to here at the dot-com.

See you soon…

A year after the infamous ThatCast, Cory, Andrew and Chris return for an hour of hilarity.  The boys revisit the topic of Bob Ross, as well as discussing the best remixes on the internet, how to keep your wife in the house, the phony side of reality TV, the literal ups and downs of energy and relaxation beverages, their renewed commitments to health and fitness, and – you guessed it – spiders.

The older I get, the more I feel I need to “refine” my tastes in different things. Whether it be cigars, music or food, I have an urge to make myself try things that make me feel “like a sir“(as the meme goes). The most recent of these ventures was getting my first straight razor shave.

I had been playing with the idea of getting one for some time but, like most people, was somewhat frighten by the idea of having some guy with a knife near my throat. That, and until recently, I couldn’t find a place close enough to actually have the process done. That all changed when my cousin Chris decided to join me in my quest to feel more “dignified”.

The two of us found a small barber shop in Red Bank called Old World Shaving Parlor that advertised a “Sweeney Todd”, a straight razor shave and a haircut, for $50. When we arrived, we felt like we had stepped back in time. The place is 90% restored from what one would think a barber shop would look like in the 1800-1900s. A waiting area (complete with Jack Daniels and a Playboy), two booths, a cash register, and a door leading to a small back area where all the supplies are kept. Efficient.

My cousin was up first. He and I were only getting the shave done, a cost of $30 each. The whole process took the same amount of time you would expect a normal haircut would; about 15 to 20 minutes. The results, however, were amazing. Ricardo, the owner and straight off the boat Sicilian, was certainly a master at his craft. Perfection was his goal and it showed. My face had never felt that smooth, even after using the 2, 3, or 17 bladed monstrosities that most shave companies offer. I went back a couple weeks later to have my hair cut and was greeted by the same smiling faces (plus Ricardo’s new wife). My scalp received the same care my face did and I was again impressed with the results. I highly recommend this establishment to any man wanting a good, clean cut, whether it be your face or head.

After having the pleasure of receiving a straight razor shave,I began researching the topic further. My findings will be present in part 2 of this entry.

We just can’t get enough of vampires and zombies these days.  The trend of vampire love can be attributed to Stephanie Meyer, who helped to sterilize the lusty creatures of the night by allowing them to sparkle in sunlight and be inexplicably abstinent.  Thus, vampires have become symbols of forbidden love as opposed to sex and terror.  Hey, even I like Tom Cruise’s turn as Lestat in the Interview with the Vampire film where all they want to do is suck on some neck and get busy.  Hopefully, after November, when the chaste vampire chronicles come to a cinematic end (for now), all this will be forgotten and we can get back to making vampires scary again.

For me, the more surprising mainstream phenomenon has come with the recent popularity of zombies.  I can’t trace a line back to when reanimated corpses became so cool, but that popularity is definitely at its peak right now.  Even with Halloween coming up, you’d be hard pressed to not find packets of zombie blood or clever zombie T-shirts during every other month of the year.  I’m sure The Walking Dead has played quite a role in keeping zombie interest peaked on a weekly basis for a quarter of the year, but nearly every Tuesday sees some horrid direct-to-video Noun of the Dead movie get its DVD release.  Somehow, in some way, zombies have caught on.

Personally, my favorite zombie film is Shaun of the Dead, which proved how a blood-and-guts horror movie can have an intriguing story and a heavy dose of humor.  Number Two with a bullet has to be Return of the Living Dead, which is just goofy, gory fun.  Why not Zombieland, you ask?  Well, as much as I do love the movie, I’ve always found it odd that reanimated corpses can somehow develop super speed and catch up to most humans.  Being dead can somehow make you faster?  That part of it doesn’t sit right with me, but the movie is a blast anyway.

Zombies have even taken hold of video games!  The popularity of games like Left 4 Dead and Plant Vs. Zombies literally refuses to die.  It’s stunning.  Even games like Red Dead Redemption, a Western-themed action adventure game, has an alternate version where you can kill – you guessed it – zombie cowboys.  One can even minimize the Resident Evil games (and subsequent films) to basic zombie shooters.  Boy, things have come a long way since I first pumped quarters into House of the Dead at the mall arcade.

Whether we like it or not, zombies are here to stay.  Zombie band-aids and actions figures will remain huge sellers long after Halloween passes, but the hunger we have for all things undead will remain just that: undead.

This week Jack, Ryan and Cory are joined by the one and only Natalie to giddily chat about the upcoming TV season.  Jack professes his love for foul mouthed children, Ryan rants on his hate for a Simpsons spin off, Cory is a little too excited for a fairy tale show and Natalie can’t get enough “Weeds” in Episode 107: TVCast 3.

Yes, I used a real word for the title of this blog, and that makes me sad, but I’m going to talk about some internet negativity so I may as well set the bar pretty low.

Not so long ago, we were chatting about reviews and complaints people post online.  To follow up the point Andrew and I made about how people are more likely to bitch about things than praise them, I didn’t need to look any further than the comment section below any online article.  In many cases, readers will comment while being logged into Facebook, which usually mean they’re using their real name and face to state their opinion.  There is nothing wrong with that, unless I disagree with their opinion.

Just kidding.

However, make your way over to a site where you can create a profile and username and your eyes will fall upon some of the most horrid crap typed out by said users.  The most annoying one has to be the “first comment” comment.  That’s all the person posts, as if there’s some prize for being the first one to make it to the end of an article.  I’ve never seen this followed by congratulatory comments from other readers, so it means absolutely nothing if you’re the first person to comment on something.  Nobody cares.  But beyond that first morsel of pride comes a whole lot of self-importance.

The anonymity of the internet must be the reason people are so keen to bash each other.  People go at it over the most ridiculous stuff, creating an endless thread of insults.  It boggles my mind how people can spend their time arguing with somebody they don’t even know and probably will never meet.  I can’t believe how much time I’ve wasted on the few occasions when I’ve read the back-and-forth comments between a handful of people.  Do you really care if someone on this planet thinks Lulu was the right artistic move for Metallica?  Well, you shouldn’t.  Hopefully I’ve just saved you an hour or two of cyberslamming.

The bashing seems to have risen to a fever pitch with the impending presidential election, especially on Twitter where celebrities can be insulted for their endorsement by faceless trolls looking for attention.  I’ve been seeing lots of name-calling and abuse hurled at people for supporting a candidate and it is almost always by a person with a phony group name and an ambiguous image on their profile.  Yes, I might make comments about notorious people in my Twitter feed, but I don’t feel the need to tag them.  I’m sure they couldn’t care less about my opinions, and I’m not going to tag them in hope that they’ll read what I said about them.  I’m not that shallow.  People who do that are trolls that are desperate for attention and should be ignored at all times.

The internet has given us many things, but it seems the most valued cyber-commodity has to be anonymous complaints.  Do I complain?  A bit, and mostly in one spot, but my name is smeared all over this site so I’m not hiding behind some symbolic avatar hoping to get someone’s attention.  That type of inactivity is reserved for the truly dull and boring.

It’s the show that just won’t stay on hiatus!  HalfCast returns to help kick off the third year of TheOnlyPodcast.com.  Ryan and Chris sit down for a chat about how they came together as friends, as well as talking about their mutual love for music and how their podcasting career came to be.  With luck (and popularity), this may become its own series.

The team from The Only Podcast That Matters will be taking part in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Point Pleasant, NJ on Sunday October 21.  This is the third year the team will be walking, and we would like to provide a larger donation than we have in the past two years.

We humbly ask you to head over to our Making Strides team page and donate to the cause.  No amount is too large or too small.

This event will once again be filmed for an upcoming documentary which will be released on the YouTube channel in the near future.  In case you missed last year’s video, it is embedded below.

Thank you for your support.  Keep an eye on this space for further details and updates!

This week, Metal Jimmy, Andrew, Ryan and Cory all talk about the hot topics in the news today.  Andrew brings us the latest on the tragic happenings in Libya, Cory shows his passion for cleaning up the school systems, Ryan talks about his love of large sodas, and Jimmy tries to pick up chicks on “Bring Your Daughter To Work Day.”  All this and more in HeadlineCast for October 2012.

The new TV season is in full swing, and that means a whole host of new shows have been debuting in hopes of hitting it big with audiences.  It seems the trend this year involves putting a city or state in the title of your show.  Sure, this has always happened with television shows but there seems to be a real rash of them right now.  Maybe after the brand trend didn’t prove to be worthwhile (like with Pan-Am and The Playboy Club), it seemed like a homerun to throw in national familiarity.

The most appalling new show for me has to be Made In Jersey.  She’s sexy, but she’s also tough – she must be from New Jersey!  This seems stupid on almost every level.  While I’m appreciative of how the main character isn’t a booze-soaked guidette like those Jersey Shore cretins, making her Italian somehow automatically means she must be from New Jersey.  She couldn’t possibly be black or have Eskimo heritage.  Nope, she’s Italian and working at a big law firm in New York.  Awful.  Let’s hope this show goes down in a fiery blaze of low ratings.

I was a bit surprised to see ads for a new show called Vegas, which is obviously about an internet billionaire living it up in the Florida Keys.  Just kidding – it’s about Las Vegas, but not that same city we just had a one hour drama based on.  Nope, this is a period piece set in the 1960’s which seems to want to capture viewership based on name alone.  I can’t see people going for that “I am the law around here/well, I’m the new law in town” shtick but I’ve been wrong before.

Next up is the opposite of Made In Jersey in its attempt to appeal to the middle-America crowd who also watches Glee, and that is Nashville.  Once again, you know the name of the place.  It has an aged female country singer for the moms out there and the cheerleader from Heroes as an up-and-coming teen sensation for the young ladies in the audience.  And singing.  Of course.  Based on the female factor, it’s no surprise the series is on ABC, which is bloated with nothing but primetime soap operas like Grey’s Anatomy.  I don’t have anything against this one, but once again, the name of the show is the name of a music city, so you know what you’re getting.

The last show which I most recently saw billboards for is Chicago Fire.  I couldn’t possibly have anything against firefighters and I haven’t seen a single frame of the show, but let me give you my impression based on the advertising I’ve seen.  Leading the pack is the older-yet-still-a-looker man in command, a few muscular young bucks who are there for eye candy, and some attractive women who likely became firefighters to prove something, probably that they’re more than just pretty faces.  Chicago seems like a safe bet as the show’s location since it’s one of the few American cities which doesn’t already have a crime procedural drama based there.  Maybe the show will even have a blues-tinged theme song to give it some local integrity.  Yes, I’m basing my entire opinion of the show off the title and a few billboards but aren’t they there to try making an impression on me in the first place?

They are, and these have been my impressions.  I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s installment of Ranting In The USA.

Our heroes have gotten lazy and out of shape, so they enroll in a fitness camp to get their bodies back.  Will they emerge from this experience as fit specimens or will they crack under the pressure?

To wind down the second year of the show and clear the decks of any remaining nonsense, you are hereby presented with yet another hour of outtakes from episodes 82 through 104.  The introductions and farewells still present problems, the tangents are impossible to avoid, and the mocking of one another has only gotten worse.  But at least it’s all funny.

The most dreaded time of the year is back.  I’m speaking, of course, about football season.

Oh sure, plenty of fans look forward to it for the whopping six months when football isn’t dominating the television schedule, and when it comes, it doesn’t stop.  In fact, this phenomenon of constant televised football was shown to me last weekend when I learned about NFL Redzone.  In case this also passed you by, NFL Redzone is a channel where commercial breaks aren’t shown during game broadcasts.  Instead, every live game is constantly streamed on the channel so you can fill an entire Sunday with scattered segments of every goddamn game on TV.  This is a nightmare for someone like me who has friends that are in love with football.

I’m also fairly annoyed by stores where employees are allowed to wear football jerseys to work on Sundays.  If I were a fan of any other mainstream American sport, I’d probably hate football fans even more than I already do because that seems to be the only sport which dictates an exception to job dress codes.  I never see hockey jerseys worn during regular season play, or basketball jerseys whenever the hell the NBA plays.  I guess since the majority of football games happen on one specific day every week, that makes it okay to allow those in the service industry to wear the name and number of some overpaid jock while getting paid for it.

What annoys me most about football in particular is the name.  I’ll bet you’ve heard this a thousand times from people much smarter and funnier than me, but the game should be called Handball.  Feet are used a minor amount of time in football so the name makes little sense.  The rest of the world plays the appropriately named football (known in the States as “soccer”) where everyone apart from two players on the field cannot use their hands but only their feet.  If you’re playing with your feet, the name makes perfect sense and I’m going to allow it.  Semantics, yes, but my point stands.

In the end, no matter what I think, fans will be enjoying football for the next 4+ months without my support.  I will continue to avoid Facebook on Sundays, where my news feed will be littered with play-by-play statuses which only make sense when read in real time (since nobody watches games after their broadcast).  Yes, football season is here again and “your team” will either win the Super Bowl or have a better season next year.  At least, that’s what I’m led to believe by fans.

Andrew answers questions submitted through tweet and emails.

Thanks to all who submitted their questions to the boys!

As the second year draws to a close, our seven heroes gather to talk about the joys and pains of the last twelve months and all we can look forward to in the show’s third year.  Hear about everyone’s favorite episodes and show moments, off mic shenanigans, lots about the Boston trip, and much more.  Cheers!

If you frequently visit our site, you’ve probably noticed a recent lack of blog posts.  Well, I’m going to tell you why.  When Andrew, Ryan, Jack and I gathered to talk about our impending third year of this dot-com, we agreed that posting on a schedule has flooded the site with blogs.  Granted, they’re fun to write and we enjoy bestowing our wit and wisdom upon the world, but they have slowly declined in readership.  Plus we want to put more emphasis on our shows and videos and make those the majority of our output so, basically, we’ve agreed to stop posting blogs on a daily schedule and post them whenever we have something to say rather than on a weekly schedule.  Alas, since I’ve been consistently posting Rants on Mondays since November 2010, I’m going to stop my weekly posting on Mondays when I hit 100 posts.  This is my 95^th blog, so October 22 will be my last weekly installment of Rants.  After that, I’ll post them whenever I think I have something interesting to say.

Now, on to this Twitter business.  Plenty of people don’t use Twitter and many aren’t likely to go back months and months to read my hilarity, so this is a gathering of my favorite 140-character tidbits from the last nine months (since I posted my first favorite tweets collection).  When we changed our site’s theme over in the Spring, we lost our Twitter widget (sounds like nonsense) so our most recent tweets no longer showed up on the site.  Before that, I made a point of posting tweets almost every day, but since we lost that little pocket of humor on the site, I have been much less consistent about tweeting.  Regardless, I still recommend you follow me at @Chris_A_Rocks.  Here we go.

12-06-11: Both Nickelback and Daughtry released new albums 2 weeks ago and I can’t tell the difference between them

12-11-11: It doesn’t matter who gets elected President, like WWE, it’s just a big show where the title doesn’t actually mean anything

12-16-11: Just came across a CD which claimed to be the best of P.O.D. Who knew there was a thing?

12-25-11: Merry Xmas, world. Regardless of your faith (if any) you have to appreciate the ideas of giving & getting presents, eating food, and family.

01-03-12: Hooked a Walkman up to my car stereo using my iPod auxiliary cable just to listen to old cassettes #EightiesForLife #Cowabunga #PizzaPower

01-04-12: Justin Timberfake is engaged and millions of girls who had absolutely no shot with him are heartbroken #SoLongSuckers

01-17-12: So Jay-Z claims he’s dropping “bitch” from “99 Problems” now that he has a daughter. I love paternal hypocrisy.

01-27-12: Ever notice how everyone else chooses the most bizarre ringtones? Not you, of course. #sarcasm

02-02-12: While standing in line, a dryer sheet I was unaware of fell out of my shirt. Awkward or proof I’m clean?

02-07-12: #carbage - it’s going to be a thing soon

02-11-12: Watching Channing Tatum emote seems about as natural as watching a dog walk on its hind legs #TheVow

02-21-12: #ReplaceBandNamesWithPancake Pancake Halen, because this “reunion” leaves everyone flat. No? Fine. But I stand by my beliefs.#HagarNation

03-08-12: Dear Guitar World: Top 50 Van Halen songs and only 8 with Sammy? Untrue. Plus, ranking Tattoo above Poundcake is blasphemous!#HagarNation

03-17-12: Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, as long as Irish is spelled D-R-U-N-K

03-20-12: Bumper Sticker Of The Day: “God Rules!!!” So American. Are there “Elizabeth Rules!!!” bumper stickers in the UK? Same national concept.

03-26-12: Love running into people you haven’t seen in ages. “So what are you doing now?” “Your mother. Just came from there.” BA-ZING!!

04-09-12: Poor iPhoners. First, Instagram is enabled on Droids. Now they’ve been bought by Facebook. #BadWeekToFeelUnique #NotARealTragedy

04-25-12: Yeah…I don’t have an iPhone so all of the cute little emoticons in your tweets are just little black dots to me #outsider

07-04-12: #Ted seems original only if you haven’t seen anything where Seth MacFarlane makes non-talking life forms curse (babies, dogs, aliens, etc)

07-12-12: Thanks to Carly Rae Jepsen, I’ll bet a ton of dudes are getting more phone numbers than ever before. However, results may vary.

07-14-12: Just saw the Jack Reacher trailer in IMAX. I’m pleased to report I’m still taller than Tom Cruise is when he’s on screen.#JackReacharound

07-16-12: A new TMNT cartoon reboot is on the way with Rudy as Raphael and Pie-fucker as Leonardo. Hollywood continues to punch me in the childhood.

07-28-12: It’s not a Summer Saturday in New Jersey if you haven’t seen a cross-dresser reading a book

08-03-12: “Another ‘Step Up’ movie is a great idea!” – some asshole in charge

AND

Just saw a woman turn a shelf of the 50 Shades books around, proving once again how ugly people are usually the ones offended by sex #blech!

08-12-12: Dear classic rock radio stations, Please stop playing “Bark At The Moon.” Its novelty and cheesiness wore off 20 years ago.#SoDidOzzy

08-28-12: @Taggsonian says I shouldn’t turn my phone off at night just in case he goes to jail and I’m his token phone call #horseshit #80sbaby

09-10-12: Once upon a time, loads of Misfits shirts at Hot Topic used to make me cringe. Now there are even more Deadmau5 shirts there, so I weep.

Chris answers questions submitted through tweet and emails.

Thanks to all who submitted their questions to the boys!

The boys have a love/hate relationship with technology, and its constant evolution just furthers their amazement and inflates their annoyance.  Hear about how Chris discovered the lure of Instagram, why Andrew is conflicted about cloud storage, where Ryan stands on the legal battle of two mobile device juggernauts, and why Cory loves his tablet.

It seems as though Chris got ahead of me on the idea, but I still want to vent this out. I, also, have a few pet peeves while driving, but the biggest one as of later doesn’t come from other motorists.

No, it comes from the group of jackasses on two wheels and no motors. Bicyclists. Especially these extra douche baggy, think-I’m-Lance-Armstrong’s-replacement cyclists. No one needs to see your overweight ass stuffed into those form fitting triathlon shorts.

I digress.

What really irks me about these numb skulls is that they believe they have the right of way everywhere, not just in their designated lane. They come zooming out from a side street, glaring at you the whole time, with a face that says “If you hit me, I’ll sue the shit outta you, even though I’m wrong”. And I’ve noticed that these are typically the same posh motherfuckers that drive Mercedes and Audis and don’t use their turn signals. I guess arrogance becomes exponentially bigger if you own a bike and a luxury car.

Even worse than one of the nitwits on the road is the “biker gang”. I’m not talking about burly, Viking looking men (and women) on their Harley’s causing havoc and mayhem. I’m talking about the idiots who feel they need to get all their enthusiast friends to join the on a merry stroll down an already clogged street. Not only do these turds make it hard to pass them since there’s other cars coming in the opposite direction, but they tend to flair out from the side of the road, making passing impossible. Then they give you dirty looks (and the finger) when you eventually do get around them.

Look, I’m all for getting in shape. I’ve made it to my 3rd week of P90X and will stand behind anyone who wants to get or keep a healthy lifestyle. Just know when to control it and know that just because you want to do something, it doesn’t mean everyone else has to see it/bend to you will.

I like driving.  I like driving way more than I like riding as a passenger.  I also love my car, but not in an obsessive, need-to-modify-it-every-other-weekend way.  Add my love for my car and my enjoyment of driving together and you get one happy Chris.

But then, I get on the road and have to deal with other drivers.

Not to brag, but I spent a good portion of my scholastic career on the honor roll so I was always sent home with those obnoxious “proud parent” bumper stickers.  Thankfully, my parents saw as little need for them as I did and never pasted one to the bumper of their car.  I’m still grateful for that.  Those stickers, however, are just the tip of the annoyances with which people decorate their cars.

Okay, we’ll stick with this proud parent business for now.  I’ll let you parents in on a little secret: nobody cares if your kid is on the honor roll.  I have never seen one car pull up to the window of another in a “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon” style and congratulate both the parent and the child for the achievement advertised on their bumper.  These stickers are useless.  Now peel them off your car.

Another personal eyesore is the collection of decals (found on the back of SUVs and minivans) which represents each member of the family.  Do these people have so much trouble keeping track of their loved ones that they need a visual representation of them as a guideline before they all pile into the van, just in case they forgot somebody?  You would think so, considering most of these decals also have the names of the children below their stick figure doppelganger.  Yes, I understand how the dog is part of the family and should have their own little decal too, but considering the poor thing is usually locked in the empty vehicle without a cracked window in 97° heat while the family trolls through the mall, it doesn’t seem they value Rover as much as they do their kids.  Isn’t creepy for the person behind you at a red light to know the names of your kids and pets because they’re on your rear windshield?  Start thinking, parents.  If you’re having trouble, I’m here to help.  Scrape the family off the back of the van.  Then burn the van.  Right now.

Naturally, we all regard other drivers as idiots but, for me, the biggest morons at the wheel are the people who can’t read arrows.  I’m sure most drivers are literate so they can read STOP and DO NOT ENTER signs, but does anybody understand what an arrow in a circle with a red line through it means?  Doesn’t seem like it.  What about the giant arrows painted on the road to direct the flow of traffic?  According to most drivers I see, they mean you should put your blinker on and merge into the lane which continues going straight.  Idiots.  By the way, don’t cut across four lanes of traffic if you need to make a turn.  Keep driving until you can legally turn around rather than causing a 40 car pileup behind you.  The street will still be there when you get back.

During the 14 years I’ve been driving, the most inconsiderate driver has always been the one who never uses their turn signal.  These dopes have been recently replaced by the jackasses who fling cigarettes out their window, because I seem to get stuck behind at least three every day.  I’m about a week away from keeping a bag of rocks in my passenger seat.  That way, for every driver who throws a cigarette out of their window, I can throw two rocks at their rear windshield.  If you’re stupid enough to smoke, keep your cigarette butts off the road and in your car.  You’re already sucking fire into your lungs, so just leave the butts in your car and help speed up your death.  You’ll help keep the roads clean and give cancer a hand with one tiny change.

I am Chris Aballo and I approve this rant.

Ryan answers questions submitted through tweet and emails.

Chris and Andrew still want your questions too! Tweet @TheOnlyPodcast or email TheOnlyPodcast@gmail.com to submit your question for the boys.

It’s all about religious faith and whether or not you have it, so Chris and Metal Jimmy talk to Dan and Andrew in separate recordings to cover a wide range of discussion.  Dan talks about what his faith means to him and why, and Andrew discusses his recent crisis of faith and why his Catholic upbringing is no longer enough.  Morality, sexuality, and practicality are all at play in the show’s first split episode.

They say you don’t get old by being a fool.  I beg to differ.  Ever been stuck driving behind an old person?  I’m pretty sure fools can age just fine.

After all these years, I still flinch when I see spearmint flavored gum.  I’ll tell you what’s in a name, Shakespeare.  Yikes!  There it is again!

Referring to Twitter as a micorblogging site is like referring to a car’s cup holder as a feature.  Don’t dress things up in a needless way.  Twitter is brief commentary, short jokes, Instagram photos, and sage-like wisdom regarding your past or true calling if you follow reality TV stars.

It surprises me that people still buy Spam.

I rue the day when airfare no longer refers to the cost of a flight.

Jack answers questions submitted through tweet and emails.

Chris, Andrew, and Ryan want your questions too. Tweet @TheOnlyPodcast or email TheOnlyPodcast@gmail.com to submit your question for the team.

After a summer of cohabitation, Jack, Ryan and Cory reminisce about moving in together.  Ryan vents about his hatred of bugs and closets, Jack shares his love of the finer things in life (boxed mac and cheese need not apply), and Cory gets stuck in small places and argues over refresh rates.  If you ever wondered what it would be like to live with any of these lunatics, here is your first taste.

Wow. Two weeks without an entry. Uhhh….

Either way, things have been going on behind the scenes with our site and our cast that will hopefully bring us a further reach and better content for you, the listener.

Other than that, I wrote a blog a while back saying that I was thinking about buying and using the P90X exercise program to help lose some of this spare tire around my waist. Last week I actually went through with it. The  program arrived at my doorstep Thursday, but I had planned on starting Sunday of this week, just because I’m one of those people that need a solid schedule. As of this writing, I’m on Day 5 and it has been kicking my ass the whole way. I have never felt the burn of lactic acid to this extent in my legs or arms before. It truly is an uphill battle, especially for someone like me who has been out of shape since their teens.

The weird thing? My wife (because we’re doing this together) and I feel … happier. They say that exercise increases endorphin levels, but I didn’t expect  it to be this much. It’s almost a motivational factor now.

Here’s hoping I can make it  finish with the results I want and then maybe, just maybe, I’ll do anther round. Or I’ll move up to Insanity (oh boy).

The other night myself, Chris, Cory, Ryan and my Father went to see “The Expendables 2″ and had the time of our lives watching what could possibly be the best action movie in decades.  We laughed, we cheered, we laughed some more and had our minds blown.  We’ve all seen some fun movies this summer, but this the most over the top film of the summer and the year for that matter in the best way possible.

Seeing this film made me think back to my youth.  First of all, who my age or older didn’t grow up watching Stallone, Schwartzenegger, and Van Damme movies?  I used to remember watching these films with my Dad on Saturday and Sunday afternoons on Channel 11 (edited for television of course) and sometimes on VHS and HBO when we first got it.  I saw “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” when I was six and “Demolition Man” when I was eight.  I grew up watching these guys raise hell on screen like no body else had.  They played the one man army to a freaking T and you believed that for two hours that these men would kick anyone’s ass and go through everyone just to get what they wanted.  It was the golden era of action films, and they weren’t mindless either, despite what critics said.

Growing up I always wanted to see a bunch of these guys together or against one another in a film and with the advent of this “Expendables” franchise, those films are coming true.  Sure, most of these actors are in their 40s, 50s and even their 60s, but if age proves anything it’s that a number slows none of these men down.  In the two films out now and however many sequels will follow, these action veterans can still get it done and still do it better than everyone else.  Despite that people think that Stallone and Schwartzenegger lost it a long time ago because their projects weren’t making the kind of money they made in their heyday, but they never lost a step.

Today’s big action stars aren’t as well regarded as “The Expendables” are.  There is a resurgence in the Action genre because of these films, yet it seems to be a more nostalgic type resurgence.  People want to see Stallone on the big screen again.  People want to see Schwartzenegger back kicking ass and taking names instead of passing legislation and quoting his films at campaign rallies.  I’m not sure if people want to see Jason Statham, because with the exception of “The Expendables” if you’ve seen on Statham movie you’ve seen them all.  Regardless, people still want to see these guys back on the big screen because it’s nostalgic, fun and still magic.

Everyone Critics want to count these guys out by saying they’re too old and grasping at a last attempt at stardom.  Movies like this are proof that these guys are far from putting one foot in the grave and they can still break you.  Any actor who aspires to be the next big action mega-star in Hollywood needs to do so by playing endearing, ass kicking characters on screen and make these guys proud so that it can continue the legacy of great action flicks.  As far as “The Expendables” sequels go, get Steven Segual, Nicholas Cage, Ving Rhames, Wesley Snipes and anyone else who’s left a trail of carnage behind them on the silver screen at one time or another to join up.  These movies can last forever as long as I’m concerned.

In the few times I’ve cruised the boardwalk this summer, I have been quite relieved to not see the generic shirts I saw last year with “Hi Hater” printed on the front and “Bye Hater” printed on the back.  Granted, YOLO shirts have taken their place as this year’s youth-oriented (see: dumb) catchphrase apparel, but I still hear people talk about haters.

Let’s get one thing straight: you probably do not have haters.  Barack Obama, Howard Stern, Oprah, Charlie Sheen, and Snooki have haters because they’re very famous and they do things people don’t agree with.  More than likely, in your case, some people just don’t like you or don’t give a damn about you.  It doesn’t mean they hate you.  In fact, they probably barely spend any time thinking about you.  Get over yourself.

For me, seeing people put “haters” in their Facebook status is like a flaming case of eye herpes.  It’s no big deal if a coworker doesn’t like you.  You’re not at work to make friends anyway.  Besides, if you already have 1600 “friends” on Facebook, haters should be the least of your concern.

One final note: to touch on my earlier reference for a moment, I also hate ”YOLO.”  If I see it as a hashtag in my Twitter feed, that person gets unfollowed with extreme prejudice.  First of all, we don’t know if we only live once.  Second, a catchphrase is not an excuse for idiotic or unsafe behavior.  Smoke and drink and eat fatty food to your heart’s content now, but when you’re an overweight, diabetic 35 year-old who is riddled with lung cancer and cirrhosis, I don’t expect you to don that cheap YOLO T-shirt when you go for your next electrocardiogram.  Chances are it no longer fits anyway.

In celebration of the first 100 episodes of The Only Podcast That Matters, the boys picked some of their favorite moments from their vast collection of shows and assembled them for your listening pleasure.  Some fan favorites made the cut as well, making this a fairly balanced “best of” collection.

No introductions.  No new bits.  Just clips.

After all these weeks, the growth to triple digits was inevitable, and it’s finally here.  The founding Warriors return to the mic after many months of varied lineups to celebrate this event, and to talk about a few of them living together, what they’ve been up to lately, the groups’s epic trip to Boston (and the subsequent documentary), and beyond.  Pull up a speaker and enjoy the broadcasting return of Chris, Andrew, Ryan and Jack.

For nearly 15 years, I’ve been a fan of pro-wrestling.  Since then I’ve amassed a huge collection of DVDs, VHS tapes and now Blu-Rays of wrestling events and documentaries to be watched at my disposal.  Where people outgrew the wrestling boom of the late 90s, early 2000s, I stuck with my interest and kept watching wrestling.  Much like the music I listened to now and movies that I love, if I had an interest in something I want to learn it’s history.  Throughout my teenage years I did just that with wrestling.  In 1998, I was on the wrestling bandwagon like every other person in my age bracket at the time.  I was obsessed with wrestling because I’d never seen anything like it.  Sure, they wore tights, but so did superheroes and that was as close of a comparison to which I can draw to these men and women who in my opinion are the most highly skilled athletes in the world.  Sure, the fighting is choreographed, but think of the skill level involved to not hurt someone.  I’m not going to try to explain or justify wrestling, because it’s something you really have to love in order to enjoy it.  You either get it or you don’t.

As a teen, I obsessed about wrestling.  It was my hobby, it was my interest and it was a passion of mine.  I was bit by the wrestling bug, and there is no cure for being a lifelong fan.  I must have watched hundreds of hours of programming on an yearly basis.  I remember my father would order me the big events yearly and record them.  I never missed a WrestleMania, a Royal Rumble, a SummerSlam, a Survivor Series or King of the Ring.  Then there is always someone you know who had the “black box” and could get everything for free.  So on top of a ton of movies I saw off pay per view, I had every major WWE event at my disposal.  It was great.  When the on demand services became more relevant and the pay per view channels filled with movies and events went away, I put my hard earned money into a WWE DVD collection.  It was something I wanted to do for a while, but seeing that I didn’t get my first job until I was 17 I couldn’t.

From there things only got better.  I brought what I could and learned everything there was to learn about wrestling.  WWE had purchased the entire video libraries of every bankrupt or out of business company.  Everything including WCW, ECW, NWA, AWA and World Class Championship Wrestling.  When I first saw WCW matches on a WWE DVD, it freaked me out.  I remember watching that when it used to air on WCW Monday Nitro and there’s a WWE logo on the bottom screen.  Weird, huh?  As I said before, I had an insatiable desire to learn as much about the history of wrestling as I could.  Along with various history lessons I made time for new WWE and TNA Wrestling events as I purchased all the events that came out on DVD.  I have shelves of these events in chronological order.  Some are good, some are so-so, and some are down right amazing.

What I’ve learned from watching these events over the years is that they can surprise you.  Just because it’s WrestleMania, doesn’t mean it’s automatically the best show of the year.  Sometimes the follow-up events that you never expect become classics.  The one’s you anticipate the most always leave some sort of disappointment.  Usually not with the whole show, but one or two matches in particular that didn’t end the way you want.  Now I don’t necessarily mean having the guy you rooted for win, but having a substantially justifiable outcome that leads to closure or something bigger on the horizon.

In 2010, I put collecting events and docs on DVD on the shelf for two reasons: time and economics.  I had a new group of friends that I wanted to spend a majority of time with and I couldn’t afford to shell out money for DVDs on the regular basis I was doing.  I had many other things I wanted to do, but felt I could always go back to it where I left off.  I decided I wasn’t going to miss the big events from WWE only (TNA Wrestling lost my interest when they brought in Hogan).  Since Spring 2010 after WrestleMania XXVI, I’ve ordered only a few events as they aired live on Pay Per View:  WrestleMania XXVII, Survivor Series 2011, Royal Rumble 2012, WrestleMania XXVIII and most recently SummerSlam 2012.  Now I’ve seen plenty of major events like these for years, but it doesn’t feel the same way as it used to be.  It’s not that they’re not exciting or fun, but I don’t get that same feeling of excitement when I watch them live.

I feel like something has changed.  Maybe it’s because I’m older?  Possibly, but my interest in wrestling has never changed.  I still love it as much as I did as a teen.  Maybe because the price differential?  It could be true.  I did buy every event on DVD since 2004 and have seen everyone from SummerSlam 2001 to WrestleMania XXVI in 2010.  Not all of them were great, some were forgetful, but I never felt that I wasted money on any of them.  Maybe because I payed $20 instead of $55 for an event didn’t have that much effect on me.  Maybe now I feel like I don’t get my money’s worth?  Or maybe because the current era of WWE is the most lackluster I’ve seen.  The heroes I watched for years are leaving.  Guys like Triple H, The Rock, Undertaker, and Chris Jericho can come and go as they please.  They’ve put their time in and can work their own schedule.  My favorite wrestler Shawn Michaels is retired, as is Edge.  Guys who really shook up the business.

My true reason for why I feel different is because today’s WWE isn’t as prominant as it once was, even as early as four years ago.  There is a crop of young talented stars that can carry the business forward.  Guys like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, Cody Rhodes, Alberto Del Rio and The Miz can carry the WWE torch for years to come.  Guys like John Cena, Randy Orton, Kane, Big Show, Christian and Rey Mysterio are the veterans by default.  The problem isn’t the talent at all, it’s the media circus that is the programming that myself and others have the problem.  The stupid sketches have replaced groundbreaking promos, social media like Twitter and Tout have been shoved down the throats of fans, and guys who people want to get behind and get a push to superstardom have to degrade themselves to boring, useless kid friendly stars.  That’s the problem with WWE today: It’s become a kid’s show.  My age bracket that loves WWE takes a backseat to the TV-PG environment.

The point is that I don’t get the same enjoyment out of watching some of these events as I used to.  Event Pay Per View DVDs are still available in stores on month after they air live for a fraction of the price.  I used to get more enjoyment watching the shows knowing the results than I do watching them when they air live because I know what to expect.  Nowadays I feel like I know what to expect at these live viewings because of predictability.  Shows have been more predictable than ever with weak cards and reusing finishes to matches that haven’t been used in years.  Having seen a plethora of these shows, I can tell where certain finishes to matches on modern Pay Per View matches had originally come from.  It’s become repetitive.

I’ll still support WWE, and would love to restart my event DVD collection at some point, but I don’t feel like it will ever be the same.  Sure, people grow up and companies evolve to survive, but I clamor for a change in select programming.  Last summer they almost recaptured the spirit of the old days when CM Punk went on his infamous rants on live TV.  Scripted or not, it was damn good TV.  Soon after, it regressed back into it’s old TV-PG habits.  That’s another problem: feuds and storylines start and some end up going nowhere.  Remember the Nexus storyline in 2010 and the walk out storyline last fall?  No payoffs whatsoever.  Just dumb, kid-friendly conformity.  I wondered if the WWE really had a monkey with a typewriter on their staff at one point.

I want new finishes and  new feuds.  I want social media abolished and promos cut with passion again.  I want kid friendly stuff gone and more aggressive, attitudinal wrestling back.  I also never wanna another John Cena vs. Big Show match as long as I live.  And for the love of all things holy, put Jim Ross back on commentary.  The man could tell a story like no other.  I wish wrestling would go back to the way things were, but sadly things only get worse before they get better.  I’m not a disillusioned fan and I don’t hate WWE.  If you’re reading this thinking that I am, then you are mistaken.  I’m a passionate fan that doesn’t want idiocy to flourish, but for a change to take place for the better.  Less show, more wrestling please with a TV-14 rating too.

While this blog is called Rants, there are some praiseworthy items to speak about here and there, but there is also no shortage of annoyances, especially in modern music.  However, I won’t subject you all to my disdain for the flourishing careers of Deadmau5 and Skrillex (since they already get more attention than they deserve), but I will point out two items I’ve take issue with recently.

I really like Halestorm.  I bought their self-titled release and Believe by Orianthi on the same day in February 2010 and I instantly became excited for a new crop of guitar players to step up and show what they can do, especially women, who are, all too often, not given the same credit as their male counterparts.  Last year, the band digitally released an EP of cover songs which were overall great (I only bought individual songs, knowing I couldn’t, in good conscience, give Lady Gaga any of my money).  Fast forward to this past January and the band released a four track digital EP as what I assumed was a teaser for their next album.  All four songs were badass and found their way into heavy rotation on my iPod.  Just over two months later, the band’s new album came out, appropriately titled The Strange Case of… I’m sorry to say the album did not live up to my expectations.  Well, technically, two thirds of it didn’t live up to them.

Granted, I don’t know whose decision it was to release the digital EP in such close proximity to the album release, but it’s really disheartening when a band tries to milk their audience by making them buy the same material twice (or more).  The best songs on the album were on the EP I’d already bought, yet I still bought the CD when it came out in April.  The album was a letdown, yes, but I was pissed after it sunk in that I’d been sold the same songs twice.  Maybe I could have poked around in January to see if all the songs on the EP would be on the album, but you would think maybe one or two of the songs would be exclusive to that release.  Also, because I’m a sucker with music collector’s OCD, I bought the deluxe edition with three bonus songs which, you guessed it, sucked.  When I am going to learn bonus tracks usually don’t make it on to a standard album because they’re not very good?

Switching gears to pomposity, Beck is being hailed for his unique plan to release his next album by…not recording it.  20 unrecorded songs are being released strictly as sheet music, which, for an innovator like Beck, keeps him on the cutting edge…of the 19^th century.  I can take any of the loads of songs I’ve written, pay a transcriber to turn them into notated music (or probably feed them into some computer software) and BOOM!, I’ll have an album to bind and sell to suckers who love their music to be self-indulgent.  I love how this plan means people can buy the music and record it themselves, as long as they know how to read sheet music.  It’s as laughable as how publishing companies still print Ozzy and Metallica books with notation when they must know all guitar players are going to learn to play the songs using tablature.  So maybe Beck’s audience is different from those guys, but the idea of releasing sheet music without recordings in the 21^st century as a way to involve your audience seems like more of a publicity stunt than an artistic statement.  Let’s hope this kerfuffle is officially confirmed as a joke sometime soon.

That’s right, I said “kerfuffle.”  I like that word so I elbowed it in.

SPOILER ALERT: if you want to see The Book of Eli and haven’t, DO NOT watch this video as one the keys to the movie is given away.

After being disappointed by The Book of Eli, Chris and Dan decide to do some research to see what other movies have tricked them.

Having recently returned from a trip to South Korea, Dan recounts his adventures to Chris and Jimmy, who try to wrap their heads around the ways of the culture.  Learn how to get free Ramen, where to go to hear K-Pop on the street, how to properly feed a shark, what to do when forced mingling doesn’t work, and why gender roles are reversed, all filtered through the inimitable Dan.

I’m convinced that the worst possible food ever created is anything that has ever come from a White Castle restaurant.  I don’t know how a place like this stays in business, but no food has ever made me so sick in my lifetime than White Castle burgers.  I’m not talking about a recent experience either.  The last time I had White Castle burgers was in 1999 when I was 14 years old.  I had to have them twice in order to confirm it wasn’t a freak one time only reaction to the food.  For anyone who’s had White Castle before, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.  I won’t go into any length or detail, but it’s bad.  Real bad.  Chances are some of you are reading this while eating a sleeve of these nuclear burger patties, and maybe for the first time too.  So I’ll make my point short so you can head to the toilet in the next two minutes.

First and foremost the burgers are deceiving.   I thought they tasted delicious too, then I found myself saying “never again” repeatedly when I was on the bowl.  Over the years, friends of mine from high school and college would go to White Castle repeatedly as a monthly ritual.  I passed on going every single time.  Over the years, White Castle has expanded their menus to include Pulled Pork Sandwiches.  I don’t even want to know what goes into those, but it’s probably an extra strength laxative, where the burgers are just a regular super laxative.  I don’t know how anyone can be such a glutton for punishment and eat these burgers over and over, not to mention have six to twelve in one sitting.  Either people have trained themselves and have a cast iron stomach, or just like a good clean out every so often.

My point is this, don’t eat these burgers.  I’m sure writing this blog has ruined our chances of any sort of sponsorship in the future, but that’s okay.  I don’t want disgusting food associated with us anyway.  It’s the worst food possible and it will never get better.  In conclusion…  Oh hell with the conclusion.  Get to the toilet now before it’s too late and you ruin your computer chair.  Go, go, go!!!!

It seems the biggest societal concerns of late all come with a helping of controversy and a side of guilt.  Let’s take a look at them, shall we?

First off, this Chik-Fil-A business is laying out exactly how it should.  If company president Dan Cathy made a remark like that without thinking it would be polarizing to his customers, he’s oblivious to reality.  Does he have “the right” to make those statements?  Absolutely, but do not flaunt the “freedom of speech” nonsense in everyone’s face because, as far as I know, that only specifies you can say what you want without government interference.  I can call him a superstitious moron because of the same freedom, and the public can hold me up for ridicule for saying that for the same reasons.  If people who stand by his remarks choose to stay patrons of his chicken shack, fine.  They can.  If people choose to protest outside of them because they disagree, fine.  They can.  If you don’t want to support a business who contributes to causes you don’t support, don’t.  Stick to the ones you do support.

Am I against gay marriage?  No.  People should be allowed the right to marry whoever they want.  Marry your toaster if you like the way it heats your Pop Tarts.  More freedom is cool with me.  I know many who only stand up to go from the couch to the fridge, and rarely get behind a cause that is close to them so I have no problem with those who speak up. Unless it’s in my Facebook feed.  Facebook has become a glorified message board of memes and social commentary.  With the election coming up, we’ll have three months of ads and smear campaigns to look at in our news feed, judged in relevance by the Zuckerberg voodoo which scrambles the posting order of what your friends are saying, calling them “top stories.”  Plus football memes.  Yikes.  But I digress.  My final note on Dan Cathy’s remarks is this: saying God is offended by same sex relationships is like saying sneakers with lights in the heel offend the inhabitants of the Nebutron galaxy.  We can’t prove the offenders exist.  If you believe God will punish the wicked, let him take care of that part so all you need to worry about whether or not to get bacon on your chicken sandwich.  That’s certainly not a religious sacrilege anywhere in the world…

The other big discussion is concerning the fat tax sugary beverage surcharge.  I don’t endorse any administration, but I’m sure Michelle Obama is privy to some of the numbers when it comes to how much is spent on healthcare for fatasses in this country.  I’m sure her heart, as well as Mayor Bloomberg’s, is in the right place when it comes to encouraging people to make smarter food choices.  This is not the government’s way of trying to control what you put in your body.  They’re just cashing in on your dumb choices, like every other big American business.  *cough*bottled water*cough*  Smartphones, social media, and video games already make sure we move as little as possible.  Remember how the promise of technology meant all these gadgets could do work for us and free up our time?  It seems they’ve only freed up time off our feet.

While every citizen will never agree on what our taxes are used for, I’m sure plenty will agree that having all of us pay into healthcare for fatsos who don’t know when to quit eating and start moving is completely ridiculous.  It’s like requiring us to pay for rehab for a smack addict.  If a person abuses their body, it’s not our responsibility to make sure they survive; it’s theirs.  In a world where that accountability rests solely on their shoulders, then and only then will I be willing to let you carry on about infringements on your “freedom” to drink Pepsi.   Cigarettes are known to be hazardous to your health and we tax the hell out of them.  What’s the difference with sugary drinks we know are bad for us?  Yup, no difference.  Taxing the bad stuff makes sense.  As long as you can walk into a convenience store and buy a bottle of fatty liquid refreshment, you can’t say the government is all that bad.

Now shut up.

Back in May, I went to play paintball with some friends to celebrate a birthday and a graduation.

About two weeks prior to this event, I bought CoD:MW2 (That’s “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2″ for all you non-12-year-olds out there) and, after being called gay an inconceivable number of times by kids so young they still had their mothers’ milk drying on their upper lip, I was ready for paintball.  I put on the thickest set of clothes I had and headed out.  Once there, I didn’t have to wait long before the rest of the group I was meeting showed up.  By noon, all 28 people had suited up and were ready to play.  After the first few rounds, in the fields, we decided to give speedball a try before going back out.

Unlike the paintball where you try and blend in with your surroundings and try to sneak or shoot your way through enemies, speedball is more of a quick-draw with automatic weapons.  The field you play in is relatively open with about 20 or so inflatable cylinders small enough that only one or two people can fit behind them.  The veterans of this game all have guns that with VERY sensitive triggers which can fire close to 500 paintballs in less than 1 minute.  When you get hit, you don’t count how many times you get hit, you count how long you’ve been getting hit for.

The first few games we played everything went great.  The teams were even and everyone had some decent shots in.  After finishing up with speedball and playing a few more rounds of paintball, we decided to end the day with one last hurrah on the speedball field to use up the last bit of ammo we had left over.  At this point, most of the group were tired and only a handful of us went for speedball.  We ended up playing against a small group who not only had their own camouflage, they had their own custom-built paintball guns and equipment.  One guy even had a built-in fan in his helmet.  This, coupled with the fact that we were dealing with a few 12-year-old kids, we all knew we were in trouble.

We played two games with this group.  The second game went a lot longer than the first since we split up the teams, but the first was humiliating.  Just before we began the match, we came up with strategies as to where on the field everyone would position themselves and how they would give cover to their fellow team members.  I planned on sprinting to the right side of the field and get cover behind one of the larger obstacles so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting shot from more than one side.  The moment we hear “GO,” we all scramble to our pre-chosen spots.  Not ten seconds into the match, I get to my spot, take one peak (less than one tenth of a second), and immediately feel my head get knocked back followed by a view of pure yellow.  The shot was so perfect, I could taste the plastic from the paintball just after I was hit.

And so, I pay homage to you, the twelve-year-old with class.  If you’re out there reading this, I tip my glass to you.

With great power comes great responsibility.  The boys know this to be somewhat true, and they share their stories of dealing with clueless managers, dimwitted employees, and demanding customers while muddling through being supervisors themselves.  Tune in to hear about Jack watering down an air conditioner, Chris refusing to apologize, Dan handling Wisconsin, and Cory slapping a woman to keep her away from pairs of socks.

Pot heads, rejoice. NJ has finally started a legal medical marijuana program; one in which you can get, with your doctor’s permission, over the counter bags of buds. Dispensaries will be opening soon, mostly in central Jersey, to patients who have filled out the and show the proper forms of identification. The possession and use of weed is still a federal crime, however, so patients still have to be careful.  More information can be found here:  http://www.state.nj.us/health/medicalmarijuana/

Yes this is a short post from me, but I feel better info can be found from the proper sources. You all should know my stance on bud if you listened to DrugCast, and little has changed since then.

There have been two things recently I’ve noticed recently that women have been doing to themselves, and it ain’t pretty.  The first of which is having a plethora of tattoos all over their bodies.  Now I’m not against women having tattoos or anything of the sort.  A couple here and there are fine and wherever they are strategically placed, it’s not a turn off.  The ones that are, are the ones who have tattoo sleeves up and down their entire arms and across their entire chest.  Some will go as far as having them up their neck and others have them go down the entire sides of their legs.  I understand self-expression and tattoos are a large form of that, but come on.  There is nothing more disheartening than seeing a beautiful woman look like she’s got some form of a flesh eating bacteria covering their body.  It’s gross and unappealing.  On behalf of select men everywhere, please stop covering yourself in tattoos.  It doesn’t do anything for us.  Also, there is apparently a new hairstyle for women that involves shaving a quarter or half their head and leaving the other side with a full head of hair.  I call it the Two-Face look.  How the hell did someone come up with that hairstyle?  By accident I assume or in this case, hope.  It’s so weird and unusual.  It’s also easier to spot the damaged women too.

I don’t understand trends like this and probably never will.  Please ladies, you are beautiful.  Why fuck it up?  There is such a thing as too much self-expression and that can only lead to bad things down the road.  Be good to yourselves.  Please.

It seems that the government, doctors and other health officials have chosen a primary target in their futile war against obesity: SODA. What started out as a blanket campaign against sugar is showing the beginnings of an all-out attack on that delicious blend of carbonated water and high fructose corn syrup. Americans have apparently gotten so fat, lazy and out of control that the government has gone from making suggestions at to what we should and should not eat, to what we can and cannot eat. This unbelievably authoritarian war has taken foothold in New York City where Mayor Bloomberg and his food police have proposed the ban on soda containers larger than 16 ounces. Soda is nothing but pure sugar, has no nutritional value whatsoever, and is well, just downright awful for you. We know. It’s also delicious, legal and consumed worldwide. We all know there’s no good goddamn reason to drink 44 ounces of soda in one sitting, from one container or several, except that if we’re not hurting anyone else, we’re free to do what we want. We do, after all, live in a free country…or so we thought. It’s not the government’s job to make fat people not fat anymore, or to take free will or personal responsibility away from us. Bloomberg and his busybody health officials have run afoul of Americans everywhere, business owners and beverage companies, all of which are questioning the legality of such a ban, and rightfully so. It is up to us to create a balance in our own lives. If you want to gulp down two liters of soda a day, that’s your business and your right. It may be recommended that you hit the gym pretty regularly and throw in some healthy food, but even that is your decision.

My brothers and I used to guzzle soda like there was no tomorrow when we were kids. Our parents allowed it. Once we were able to dress ourselves, ride our bikes without helmets, and stay up past 9 pm, soda replaced milk at dinner time. I do not drink nearly as much soda as I used to, because I know it is not healthy and I should practice moderation. However, when I’m out to dinner, I’ll have two or three sodas. When I go to the movies, I enjoy the shit out of a 32-oz bucket of future diabetes.

If the government is so worried about rising health care costs, I have a proposition of my own. Anyone who clearly does not take care of themselves and willingly punishes their body should not be entitled to health care on someone else’s dime. They either pay out the ass (their own ass) for whatever treatments they need, or they’re left to sit in the waiting room. Simple. Again, it’s the choice we have the right to make. As long as you are not hurting someone else, you have, and should have the right to do whatever you want to your own body. It is not the place or right of Bloomberg or anyone else in our government to tell us what we can and cannot consume. If we allow this, we are heading down a dark path.

Stay strong out there. Fight the power and drink up!

Ladies and gentlemen, he has done it again.

After the massive success of last year’s triple album pledge campaign, Ginger Wildheart launched another triple album project last Friday (August 3).  Within six hours, it reached 100% of its goal.  Within 48 hours, it reached 200%.  As of this writing, it has passed 300% of its goal and continues to rise.  Nothing can stop Mutation.

As I wrote about a few months ago, seeing an artist put their success in the hands of their fans is quite contrary to the longstanding pop star model, whereby a performer or group is marketed to death in hopes of those involved walking away having made a quick buck without any lasting significance for the performer.  Here we have a man who has built a career from twenty years of making knockout albums both solo and with The Wildhearts, and his fans are showing up in a massive way to support his independence and creativity.

Ginger’s work ethic has always impressed me.  Having churned out 30 songs within the last year for the 555% triple album (12 of which were chosen by the pledgers for its commercial counterpart, 100%, available here and here), he has already recorded another full album of songs for his Mutation double album and even more for his Hey! Hello! album, both of which are included in the new campaign.  If more musicians had this much creative output to show for their last year, or even two, many artists would have stronger careers than they currently do.

Rather than summarize the new campaign for you, I’ll let the man himself tell you about it in this video.

Personally, since this campaign is spread over a few months, I will soon be pledging for both “Ultimate” packages, which include CD and vinyl copies of the respective project plus the pledger’s name in the liner notes.  As a massive Ginger fan, it is truly a pleasure to support his career and creativity while having the ego-stroking satisfaction of having my name appear in the liner notes of two of his albums.

By the way, for those of you who care more about money than music, Ginger’s deleted 555% album has been going for over $100 a copy on eBay since the full pressing was limited to its pledgers.  Even if you don’t care about the music, if you pledge in this project, you can make some money for yourself down the line while unintentionally supporting a true artist.  Hey, maybe you’ll even find yourself digging his music.

Thank you, Ginger Wildheart.  Your music means more to me than words I can type in this silly blog.  Here’s to you working for the fans rather than some unappreciative boss.

Speaking of which…

In case you’re tired of the heat, The Warriors are here to keep things cool.  After several months of sole hosting on the official Facebook fan page (due to copyright claims on some of the music used), Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen is now available on the YouTube channel!

To help celebrate, the boys dug deep in the digital vault and assembled extra footage from the video shoot, allowing a look at the making of this future holiday classic.

WATCH!

This week Jack, Andrew and Cory are joined by Veronica to fondly remember the 90s and all its glory.

With the all the hooplah surround cyber bullying, why is it that a teenager’s answer to everything is killing themselves? Do they honestly believe that when they’re gone everything will be better? That the entire world will mourn the loss of John Doe or Suzy Q?

Get real.

This is one of the many reasons I can’t stand conversing with a person who is under the age of 19. Not saying that I’m all that mature, but come on. Just because someone is/was an asshole to you, your date stood you up or dumped you, your parents yelled at you, etc., doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself. Think of it like this: maybe that person was an ass to you because you annoy or are better than them. Guess what? You should keep right on living if you bother them that much. Give them a reason to wake up frustrated and annoyed that they have to be in your presence again. I personally enjoy tormenting people with my existence.

Here’s another side to the suicide solution, for all those “hopeless” cases. To all those who want the world to mourn them, realize this: successfully committing suicide voids all types of insurance. That means your parents won’t get the money from the government to bury you. They won’t just be crying over your carcass, but also the carcass of their empty wallet, since they had to dish out a couple thousand to put you in the ground. Guess that means that if your parents are thrifty, you’re getting buried under Mom’s flower bed.

Third subtopic:
Suggesting suicide as an insult or comeback. Stupid, ignorant move. I read a blog recently in which the writer copied a conversation he had with a young girl on AIM(remember that?). The author simply stated that the girl was too young, compared to himself, who is 24. To lash back at him for this supposed insult, the girl went on to rant about how he was prematurely judging someone; stating how she buys clothes off eBay because they cost less, listens to everyone, and has had “more experiences” than your typical 16 year old. The only thing that he had to say in return was that she wasn’t even old enough to vote and how she also mocks the President and the war, when he was actually there. She replied by saying he was an asshole and should “consider killing yourself”. Wow. What a great, mature comeback. Kill himself because he was right.
How many times has this happened? Many people probably commit suicide because of this attitude, when these people are either right or doing the right thing in the first place.

Overall synopsis: Grow up. Suicide is not an answer, or a great comeback and/or insult.

Over the last few months, more specifically since Christmas Day of last year, I’ve been extremely excited upon the news that I was going to become an uncle.  My older sister Lisa, was expecting her first child sometime over the Summer.  Over the past few months, she’s sent pictures of sonograms, pictures of the baby’s room and of all the things she’s brought for her child.  After months of waiting, especially over the last month where my sister put up a status everyday where she just wanted to have this kid already, today was the day she arrived.  I am pleased to announce that my niece, Grace Ann Dettra, was born today August 1, 2012 at 11:39 a.m. at 6 lbs, 1 oz.  Welcome to the world Gracie.  You have a family that loves you very much already and we wish the absolute best for you in this lifetime.  To my sister Lisa and her husband Dan, congratulations!  You’re going to be excellent parents and I hope to see all three of you as much possible.

The battle over the legality of gay marriage has been raging for quite some time now, but the whole damn thing was engulfed in flames this past week when Chick-Fil-A president Dan Cathy made a simple statement about the beliefs of his company, in that they support the “traditional” family unit. To put that clearly, he and his company believe that marriage is to be formed between one man and one woman. As a result of Cathy’s statement, gays and straights alike flew into a self-important rage, flooding the media with vitriol aimed at the fried-chicken restaurant chain and its president. Complaining of the “hateful” or homophobic statements that he made, they threatened boycotts and same-sex kiss days out in front of their local establishments. Chick-Fil-A is a Christian company, built on those values. Their restaurants across the country are closed on Sundays so that their workers can attend church, which is fine. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not subscribe to any particular faith, and pretty much despise the concept of organized religion. Bible-thumping assholes might as well be terrorists as far as I’m concerned. However, unless Chick-Fil-A starts installing crucifixes in the booths in their restaurants or starts dropping pocket bibles into your bag with every meal, I could care less what they believe. Even then, they have every right to run their business as they see fit. They make good fucking chicken.

What Dan Cathy said, he had every right to say. He did not say anything even remotely “hateful”, contrary to popular opinion. Aside from that, did he not say that his beliefs were shared by every single person that works in his restaurants. Furthermore, he did not condemn gays or state that they would be banned from his eateries or be discriminated against IN ANY WAY by his company. All he said was that his company backs the traditional definition of marriage. That’s it.

People need to start realizing that we are NEVER going to live in a tolerant world. It took centuries for women and blacks to be put on an equal footing with white men, at least as far as the law is concerned, and even now, racism and sexism are still alive and well in this country. Frankly, I could care less whether or not gay people will ever be able to legally marry on a national level. I’m not against it by any means. It’s always been joked that gay people should have just as much right to be miserable together as the rest of us in marriage, and maybe there’s some truth in that joke. The concept and “sanctity” of marriage has become a joke in America, leading me to think that there’s no good reason gays should not be able to marry. Still, I will not actively support OR protest it. At this stage in the game, people need to stop being so appalled that not everyone believes in gay “rights”. A right is not a right in this sense until it’s protected by law. That’s the cold hard truth. While we’re talking about rights, Dan Cathy’s right to free speech, is and should be far more sacred to individuals and the country at large than anyone’s right to get married, gay or straight. If you think gays have a right to get married, then you need to go back to history class and remember that Dan Cathy, or any other person, has much more of a right to say what he believes, and to do so in a public forum. I’ve grown tired of scrolling down my Facebook feed everyday, having it inundated with faux-logical “if this, then why not that?” memes supporting gay marriage, multi-colored flags, and people updating their statuses with their idiotic plans to boycott Chick-Fil-a or shouts of “way to go, North Carolina!”, as if even in 2012, they expect a state in the South to ratify gay marriage. Seriously, pull your heads out of your asses. While freedom of speech protects these sentiments as well as they do Cathy’s, they are nothing short of hypocritical.

I have not eaten at a Chick-Fil-A in quite some time, simply because I’m lazy and none of their restaurants are in close proximity to where I live or work. I am, however, seriously considering driving to one tomorrow for Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day, just for the purpose of chicken and spite. Ultimately, today’s gays need to get the fuck over themselves, and insincere straight people need to hop off their “I have a gay friend” high horses.

Chick-Fil-A will endure, and rightfully so. The company had 4.1 billion dollars in sales last year. I’m more than certain that they don’t give a flying fuck about your boycotts. If you think that someone’s belief in the traditional sense of marriage makes them a homophobe, you are an idiot. Plain and simple.

I am well aware I’m not that old.  Thirty is no big deal.  However, the more conversations I have with those younger than me, the more I wonder if many of them will ever have an appreciation for so much of what I grew up loving.  Yes, digital music is here to stay and is far more preferable than cassettes.  I can now keep a pencil around for writing rather than to wind loose tape back into a plastic shell.  Blank VHS tapes are barely produced anymore, having been replaced by DVD, which was usurped by Blu-ray not so long ago (and I love them!).  While the way we enjoy our entertainment may change, the content will survive through the evolution of formats.

Right?

Like Andrew, I was disheartened a few months ago when Twitter lit up with snarky comments asking who the old guy was on TV when Paul McCartney performed on the Grammys finale and when Billy Crystal hosted the Oscars.  On both occasions, asking who the “old guy” is was a trending topic.  It seems this younger generation (I just said that, didn’t I?) is more keen on being blissfully unaware of who the person in question is than they are curious enough to find out who they are and what they’re doing on major awards shows.  Not knowing someone was so cool that it was trending.  Yikes.

Ignorance wasn’t as rampant the year before when that goofy stoner from Pineapple Express and that Princess Diaries chick hosted the Oscars.  Kids seemed to know them.  Not the case this past year though.  Surely these kids grew up laughing at Mike Wazowski in Monsters Inc.  I also can’t imagine any child who grew up outside of a secular community making it to age 10 without having heard a Beatles song or two.  Even though Sir Paul still releases albums on a regular basis, since he’s not on TV every week levitating in a pink wig, kids don’t have any knowledge of him.

Maybe it was the student in me, but I always had a desire to seek out the best of what came along before I did.  My sister and I would either buy or rent VHS copies of well-regarded classic comedies so we could see for ourselves what all the fuss was about.  Caddyshack, Fast Time At Ridgemont High, The Breakfast Club, Animal House, we got our hands on all of ‘em!  Sure, we still had love for movies we grew up on like Back to the Future and The Naked Gun, but we knew there was more where those came from and we sought them out.

I wonder if this curiosity still exists.  Is it as important to watch TBC and Fast Times before starting high school now as it was when I was an incoming freshman?  I don’t know, but I hope it is.  I’d like to think there are young ones out there taking advantage of the immediacy we have in 2012 where everything can be streamed on demand.  I hope they’re combing IMDb to find out all the movies John Hughes made which Generation X and the tip of Y regard as classics.  I hope they learn about John Candy, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and Rodney Dangerfield.  Maybe some of them have seen Chevy Chase passing through Community and wonder what else he’s done.  Won’t they be surprised when they check out Fletch and National Lampoon’s Vacation?  Those are the young men and women who will keep some of the best stuff alive.

Yes, I realize I only got a sampling of youthful ignorance when I read a few dismissive comments which probably came from some 16 year-old in an Operation Ivy shirt they bought at Hot Topic who was tweeting from their iPhone, and I’m sure the 1990s equivalent existed when I was their age.  Simply shrugging off what you don’t know is certainly nothing to be proud of, and I get the overwhelming impression it is these days, despite the accessibility of information.  Ultimately, my wish is that the good ones will take the time to learn a bit from our past while still appreciating what they’ve grown up with.

But, as Burgess Meredith once said in a movie, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.  Look that up if you don’t know what film I’m talking about.

And if you don’t know who Burgess Meredith is and don’t bother to look him up, you’re a bum, Rock.

Recorded prior to July 20, this episode recaps several news stories from the past month.  Natalie joins Jack and Chris for some chatter about two part film finality, TomKat’s split, the Seaside jumper, and commentary about the state of the country as the presidential election looms.  Chris plans a male slant on “50 Shades of Grey,” Natalie owns up to her TV show addictions, and Jack questions the world’s need for sharks and alligators.

Let me preface this by saying that these few sentences will be all that I have to say about last week’s shooting. There has been enough media coverage of the tragedy and he has gotten more than his “designated” 15 minutes of fame. What happened, happened and it cannot be taken back. Bullets don’t discriminate; his didn’t in the theater and neither should a stray one from a watch tower guard’s rifle.

With that out of the way, I present this to you all:

First and foremost, Chris and Ryan, tremendous blogs on the site this week.  You’re words about the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado were well spoken and heartfelt.  Since Friday morning when coverage of this tragedy was widespread, I was like many others across our country: Heartbroken.   My friends and I partook in the midnight showing of “The Dark Knight Rises” as well that evening in New Brunswick, NJ.  We had a great night of watching the greatest superhero trilogy from beginning to end for nine hours and shared it with a theater full of people with the same enthusiasm that we had.  Despite being delayed on the way home due to a person blocking traffic with their broken down Mustang, our night went off without a hitch. We didn’t get home till 5:30 a.m. on July 20th.  Before I went to bed, I got an alert from the IMDB app on my phone that kept me up to date with all the latest news regarding the new Batman film.  The alert read that 10 people were killed and many more injured to a gunman’s fire at a Colorado theater.  My heart sank immediately and thought “Not this again.”

As I woke up hours later into the afternoon, the media was all over the story as were friends and family on Facebook.  I started crying immediately.  I couldn’t control my grief and wept as I spoke to my parents on the phone about this incident.  “Why did this happen?,” I said over and over again to them.  I couldn’t help but think that, “What if that was us?”  The horror and sympathy I felt for these poor people was all I could think about.  I felt especially terrible for the six year old child killed during this attack.  I was that same kid, who just went to the theaters as excited as could be to see Batman.  Instead of rejoicing and telling friends that their awesome parent took them to see the movie at midnight before anyone else saw it, she had her life robbed from her.  It was a day that was supposed to be celebrated by fans as the conclusion to the story of Batman hit theaters.  The weekend was supposed to be filled with buzz about people’s reactions to the movie as well as talk of shattering box office records.  It wasn’t supposed to be linked with tragedy.

There is no instance whatsoever to which you can blame the violence of this film to what that bastard did to those people.  People make their own choices in life and he made his.  This unfortunately could have happened anywhere.  There is no reason that Christopher Nolan, nor Warner Bros. can be held accountable for what happened.  The movie was made for the sole purpose to entertain, not to inspire madness and death.  Sadly though, anytime you think of this film, you can’t help but think of the tragedy that came along with it.  That absolutely sucks.  The last few days, even I’ve tried to get the movie off my mind, because I can’t help but think about what happened.  Over time, I’m sure the sting of the tragedy will hurt less, but for now it’s near impossible to try to get the enjoyment out of something I loved and look forward to so much.  As much as I don’t want to give that bastard power over my enjoyment, it’s also hard to look at the villain in the film, Bane, and not immediately think of what that man did.

Gun control is something that’s always been near and dear to my heart.  Ever since the Columbine Tragedy in 1999, when I was in seventh grade, I’ve been a staunchly for stricter gun laws in this country.  Since Columbine, there have been several other tragic instances where innocent people have died in a public setting because some crazed lunatic got their hands on a weapon and took out people who did not deserve to die.  What can we do to stop this from ever occurring again, anywhere?  We need stricter enforcement on the purchasing of firearms in this country.  It was too easy for this son of a bitch in Aurora to get his hands on weapons that no American citizen should own that many of in the first place.  Unless you are in the military or police force, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that any normal citizen should carry semi-automatic weapons.  More restrictions need to be in place.  Whatever is necessary, such as more psych evaluations and more thorough FBI background checks, by all means pursue it.  If there has to be some sort of follow-up on gun owners and the use of their guns, so be it.  Some people will cry foul and say it’s an infringement on their rights.  Well, tough shit.  After Friday’s tragedy, I say there aren’t enough restrictions that could prevent another person from committing a similar, heinous act.

If there is one ray of light that has come out of this tragedy, it’s the fact that Christian Bale has visited those in Colorado who were injured during the violent attack that happened early Friday morning.  He was seen paying his respects to those lost, and showing heartfelt sympathy to those directly affected by the violence.  He didn’t do this as a request from Warner Bros., but on his own behalf.  It shows a lot about a man’s character that he can forget the glitz, glamor and publicity he’s used to dealing with for a film’s release and do the right thing to try to lift the spirits of those effected.  There’s a quote from “Batman Begins” that directly applies to Bale’s generosity, to which I’ve named my blog title after.  In the film after Batman’s tireless efforts to save the city, Commissioner Gordon says, “I never said ‘Thank you.’”  Batman’s reply is “And you’ll never have to.”  This sums everything up everything done here by Bale on Tuesday July 25th.  He’s there because he wants to be there.  He plays a hero on screen, and their courage and will to live has inspired him to visit them.  Kudos Mr. Bale.  You truly are a great human being.

Stricter gun laws are needed now more than ever, and more security needs to be in place for similar venues in order to prevent tragedies like this from happening again.  I hate instances like this.  Why do they occur and what can be done to stop them?  The next few weeks will be difficult for most Americans and people around the world regarding this tragedy.  I know the next couple of times I enter a movie theater, I won’t be able to think about anything else but what happened.  I won’t stop my life because of one crazed individual.  Going to the movies is my favorite pastime, and I won’t let someone get that kind of power over me to which I can’t enjoy myself again.  I hope for stronger enforcement everywhere and that tragedies and incidents like this never occur again, especially close to home.

To the families and friends of those lost in Aurora, you have my deepest condolences.  To those injured, be strong and have faith to see this through.  To those lost, rest peacefully.  You were taken too soon and I hope you find yourself in the arms and safety of our Lord.

Aurora.  July 20, 2012.  Never forget.

Everyone has now heard about the tragedy that occurred at the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. James Holmes allegedly (I hate to even use that word) opened fire on a crowd of unsuspecting movie goers during the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises last Thursday night, killing 12 and wounding nearly 60 others. The attack lasted only a couple minutes, but is being called by authorities the worst mass shooting in American history. Dressed from head to toe in military-grade ballistics and protective gear, the gunman carried out what appears to be a premeditated attack with gas canisters and semi-automatic weapons, firing calmly and indiscriminately into the crowd. Some terrified theater patrons ran for exits once they realized the situation was not a gimmick or part of the show, but most dove to the ground to protect friends and loved ones from the hail of gunfire. Among the dead are a 6-year-old girl, an American soldier, several selfless gentlemen who shielded their girlfriends from bullets, and an aspiring journalist who narrowly escaped a shooting in the food court of a Toronto mall just weeks earlier. Holmes apparently surrendered to police near his car after the attack without resisting, preceding to tell the police that he is “the Joker” and that he had booby-trapped his own apartment with a complex array of homemade explosives.

It is difficult for many to dislodge from their minds the notion that this could have happened anywhere, that it could have been the theater they were in that night to do something as simple as enjoy a movie and escape life for a few hours. Looking back at a spate of mass shootings in recent American history, it is hard to grapple with the realization that places such as high schools, college campuses, malls, movie theaters, and even military bases seem to no longer be safe. That by no means that everyone should remain terrified and stay indoors from now on, it simply means that one can never know when or where something as horrific as this can happen.

This attack has again given rise to the ongoing gun control debate in our country. Lawmakers and ordinary citizens alike are calling for stricter gun control laws, and rightfully so. The battle is complex and longstanding, but the questions are simple, at least from where a right-minded person is standing. Why does an ordinary citizen need access to a semi-automatic rifle? Why is it so easy for someone to purchase tens of thousands of rounds of ammunition and not raise any red flags? Any sensible arguments here are of course bucked by NRA nutcases and shotgun-toting idiots in the South. The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, which guarantees the right of “the people to keep and bear arms” has been picked apart by lawmakers, Supreme Court  judges and armchair lawyers for centuries. While the actual text of the Amendment is brief, anyone who has ever taken a history class and has a brain in their head knows exactly what the Framers of the Constitution meant by it. The right to keep and bear arms was to be afforded to members of “a well-regulated militia”, and to citizens for the purpose of, at most, self-defense within the home. The text in no way guarantees anyone the right to carry weapons around at will. It is fair to assume that in modern day America, most gun owners are law abiding citizens who do nothing irresponsible with their weapons. However, criminal background checks and waiting periods are no longer enough for prevention of a heinous attack like the one that took place in Aurora last week. James Holmes, whose only previous brush with the law was a lone speeding ticket, purchased several weapons, including handguns, a shotgun and a semi-automatic assault rifle, along with tens of thousands of rounds of ammunition, without anyone so much as raising an eyebrow. This should never be allowed to happen again.

A firestorm of emotions has spread across the country as a result of this attack, from anger, to disbelief, to fear, to heartbreak. Violence in movies has again been called into question as a possible impetus for someone like Holmes, who may have already been mentally ill, to carry out his attack. Every time something like this happens, the “life imitating art” argument comes into the arena of discussion, but it’s nothing more than a cheap and convenient way to dismiss the personal responsibility that comes along with the reasonable free will we are granted as American citizens. The blame placed upon movies and music when a violent act occurs in public is sickening and it needs to be stopped. Nothing a person sees in a movie or hears in a song is a valid motive for committing an atrocity. While entertainment and reality are not mutually exclusive, neither can be rightfully blamed for what the other does, or even the mere perception thereof. One of the survivors of the attack in Aurora is filing a lawsuit against Cinemark, the owner of the movie theaters for negligence and lack of security. Where the righteousness of the suit falls apart is in that it is also aimed at Warner Brothers, alleging that the violent scenes in The Dark Knight Rises may have prompted the attack by Holmes, even though the plaintiff in the suit voluntarily went to see said violent movie.

Holmes has apparently been entirely uncooperative with police since his arrest, and appeared dazed and sleepy during his first day in court. He has stated no motive, but it may eventually come out. Many a time, an attacker such as Holmes would just as soon kill himself at the end of his siege as surrender to the police. Luckily, there is a possibility that a motive may be uncovered. We can only hope that his defense team doesn’t play the mental illness card and get him off on insanity, thereby avoiding any actual punishment.

My heart sincerely goes out to the victims and their families, and I hope that one day Holmes will lose the very thing that he has taken from them.

Aurora. 7/20/12.

It’s impossible to ignore last week’s tragedy in Aurora, CO, especially when so many were injured and many more were robbed of their loved ones.  My heart truly goes out to those in pain because of this event.  It is sad to think this guy got what he wanted: we’re all talking about him.

From the media coverage I’ve seen, it would appear no one is blaming the Batman character or movies for this event, which is a huge relief.  All too often, music, films, and video games are blamed when crimes occur when they are not to blame in and of themselves.  People can take whatever message they want from the arts, but unless the stated intent is to influence others to harm each other, they aren’t to blame.  Human stupidity, insecurity, and selfishness are always to blame.

I’m certainly not the first or last to say that James Holmes simply used the film’s opening to emphasize his crimes and garner more attention.  While Batman merchandise was found in his apartment, he timed his crime so it would get the most publicity possible, and to ensure, sadly, the theater he invaded would be packed with people.  There is not as much of a correlation between the arts and violence as there is publicity and violence.  Do something insane and people will notice.

No matter how Holmes’ state of mind can be classified, any guy who buys $15,000 worth of artillery and booby-traps his apartment is hardly a candidate for even the broadest stroke of temporary insanity.  While I’m not a lawyer or law enforcement official, this seems incredibly premeditated to me as an observer.

This mass murder has hit many of us close to home.  Ryan, Jack, Cory and I were at one of the hundreds of midnight screenings of The Dark Knight Rises and, while it doesn’t pay to focus on it, this could have happened in our theater as well.  True as that may be, people cannot be scared to go to movie theaters, where escapism still lives and breathes, despite this tragedy.  We cannot let one crazed asshole scare us all into staying at home.  While I understand how people might be shaken up by the cold reality of this event, harboring fear of enjoying ourselves is no way to act at a time like this.

Like many, I question the need for many of the gun laws we have in this country.  The fact that one man can buy all this weaponry and ammunition without sending up a single flag of suspicion is scary.  However, if someone can say something better than I can, I will let you read their words instead.  Here is a wonderful piece written yesterday by actor Jason Alexander.  I agree with his call for a reasonable discussion about our alleged right to bear arms.

Tell your loved ones how much you love them and do what you can to support the victims of this crime through the various charities, foundations, and fundraisers set up by those who are closest to them.  Thank you for your time.

The time has finally come, friends.

After two months of teasing you with flickering images of seven inexplicably handsome men, we hereby give you our first documentary.  I’m personally writing this post because, having assembled both trailers and the movie itself, I can say it was a labor of love for sure (meaning there was labor mixed with love).  Much love and appreciation goes to all the guys, who were incredibly accommodating when I would ask them to do this or that specifically for the film, since I had my ideas as to how it would all lay out.  Also, many thanks to the always impressive Ryan Hulse, who kept a day open to show us around this amazing city and document our nonsense through his photography.  We are honored to continue to work with him.

We do apologize for the delayed posting, as lagging upload speeds and random errors kept the video from view until now, but it’s here and it’s not going away.

So sit back, relax, and watch as The Only Podcast That Matters goes RUNNING AMUCK IN BOSTON!

Chris

10/27/12 UPDATE:

Recently, this film was blocked for viewing on YouTube in the United States because of some of the music we used.  As a means of keeping it available for viewing in the US, a DVD quality version has been uploaded to our official Facebook fan page in three parts (per the Facebook time and file size limits).  They have also been embedded below for the viewing pleasure of our American fans, but the viewing quality is better when you watch them on Facebook.  Enjoy it! – Chris

To celebrate the conclusion to the Dark Knight trilogy, Jack, Cory, and Chris reminisce about the current and previous incarnations of Batman.  Don’t worry: this was recorded before the guys saw “The Dark Knight Rises” so there are no film spoilers here.  Listen as Jack brags about owning all the Batman toys, Cory repeatedly spews hate at Joel Schumacher, and Chris questions the sudden rush for a big budget Justice League movie.

Let’s face it, dieting sucks. Especially if you’re like me and food is your greatest comfort. Shitty snack food that increases dopamine levels after a stressful day of work, depressing day at the office , or just putting up with you’re wife, are a wonderful thing.

But there comes a point where you need to put down that scoop of chocolate chip mint ice cream and think about your future. “I know I’m a fat ass; how can I change it?”

Personally. I’m slowly changing my eating habits to foods that are better for me (I’ve become a big fan of the odwalla products), trying to stop eating before I go to bed, and recently decided to try an exercise program. You can guess by the blog title which one I’m thinking about.

That’s right, I’m planning on buying the p90x workout DVDs. Being the skeptic I am, I normally shy away from heavily advertised weight loss pills and routines, but I’ve seen the results of p90x firsthand. A coworker of mine lost 40 lbs and even our photographer Ryan lost a bunch of weight over the 3 month period of the work out. Results like that are hard to ignore.

Hopefully in the 3 months after receiving the kit I’ll be able to post before and after pics and start to sound like one of the advertisements that plague early morning TV. Until then, pass the Fritos, I’ve got a video game to play.

I’ve never liked the 1939 classic “The Wizard of Oz” at any point in my life.  Scratch that, I fucking hate this movie.    Why?  Because, because, because, because, because …… it’s one of the creepiest and most boring films that I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching.  Not everyone I know, but a majority of people that I’m either friends with or in my family are astonished with this recent revelation.  I’ve hated this film as far back as I can remember and haven’t developed any sort of tolerance for it in my lifetime.  I’ve seen it as a kid, a teenager, and in my 20s, and nothing has changed about my opinion of it.

I will give credit where credit is due.  It truly was a revolutionary film for it’s time in terms of creativity and imagery.  I won’t take any of that credit away, nor will I take away it’s contributions to films that audiences enjoy today.  Sure, MAYBE if there was no “Wizard of Oz” there would be no “Star Wars,” “E.T.,” or anything else that has captured people’s imaginations to write creative stories that stand the test of time, but I highly doubt “The Wizard of Oz” was the genesis to which all creative stories came from.

I don’t see how people can enjoy this film at all.  Sure, it’s a family movie, but it’s so creepy in nature that I don’t see how any little kid can stand it.  I was frightened out of my mind as a kid with the Witch, who was so hideous not just on screen, but in real life as well.  Good God, she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down face first.  The flying monkeys are just flat out horrifying.  So were the Lion and the Scarecrow.  For endearing characters, they sure were unappealing to look at.  Don’t even get me started on the Munchkin people.  I have absolutely nothing against little people, but that particular batch was scarier looking than the monsters in “Gremlins.”  Again, even off screen, those little individuals were horrifying to look at.

I was scared of everything in this movie.  Also, the rumors of someone who hung themselves on the set didn’t do me any favors to liking it.  It just made it worse.  The music too drives me insane.  I hate every single one of those songs so much that it makes me want pound my head against a brick wall and not a yellow brick one either.  Over the rainbow, psshhh.  More like somewhere over my asshole.

The fear of certain characters went away when I watched it in my teens, but the creepy stigma stayed.  I remember thinking that this was the most horrifying kids movie ever made.  I’ve seen plenty of kids movies where good fought evil and sometimes the villain was a monster of some sort, but this film took the taco when it came to frightening the shit out of kids.  As I grew older and began to appreciate more films I still couldn’t latch onto this movie.  You might be thinking that because it’s an old movie I don’t like it, and that’s absolutely false.  I’ve seen movies older than this and love some older movies from the 1930s and beyond, but this doesn’t appeal.  Even trying the “Dark Side of the Moon” sync up with the film doesn’t appeal to me, because I have to watch the film in order to do that.  I don’t even like “Dark Side of the Moon” that much either, but that’s another story for another time.

What’s even worse is the upcoming prequel in 2013 about Oz’s beginning.  Who cares?  It’s just an excuse to make Oz a 3D movie, that looks like every other 3D movie.  If you haven’t seen the trailer, picture this: it looks like exactly like 2010′s “Alice in Wonderland.”  There, I just saved you two long, explosion-less hours of your life that you’ll never get back and a few dollars so you don’t have to buy a bottle of aspirin for the headache the 3D will give you.  It’s also directed by Sam Raimi, who only directed three good movies his entire career, and they weren’t the “Spider-Man” movies.  Even “Evil Dead” (the good movies Raimi directed for those who haven’t seen them) isn’t as creepy as “Oz.”  Well, not really, but I like “Evil Dead” and this is my blog, so fuck it.  I’ve proven my point.

I have no good memories of this film at all and don’t intend on ever seeing it again.  When the day comes and I have a wife and children and they want to sit and watch it, I will not be available, guaranteed.  I’m sure you think that sounds bad, but I hate that movie enough to make no exceptions.  I plan on showing my kids everything I loved, in the hopes they’d like it.  Ironically, my kids will probably be frightened of “Star Wars” or “Indiana Jones” and develop the same disdain for them that I’ve had for “Wizard of Oz” since my youth.  That would probably be my luck.

In the last few days, I’ve been chastised about how I hate this movie.  I found out recently that I’m not the only one who hates it too.  Some friends and family members have a mutual disdain for this movie and have either been afraid to say it because of being equally mocked or because they don’t want to put up with the arguments of why they should like it.  They all hate it for the same reason(s) I do.  To them I say thank you for the support and go tell anyone who argues with you about it to stick a broomstick up their ass and go follow the yellow brick road into traffic.  It might not sound like I have courage or a heart, but I do have a brain and I won’t waste anymore time and effort on this film ever again.   Suck it Oz.

4 years in the making. It’s finally here. The epic conclusion to the to the story of Christopher Nolan’s Batman. I still remember seeing The Dark Knight in theaters during the summer of 2008. I injured my knee that night after the movie and passed out on the sidewalk in front of a friend’s house and still managed to stumble into work the next day on just an hour and a half of sleep. I have mixed feelings about this amazing series coming to an end, as I feel like I would watch a Batman epic every couple years, provided the story is great and the main actors returned each time (story permitting). Conversely, I enjoy the finality of this coming weekend’s blockbuster, assuming it wraps up the story nicely, leaving fans satisfied, awed, and maybe even shedding a tear or two. I am beyond excited to see Christian Bale don the mask one more time and knock the crap out of bad guys, for Morgan Freeman to return as his weapons and equipment specialist, for Gary Oldman’s return as Commissioner Gordon, Anne Hathaway’s introduction as Catwoman, and last but not least, the introduction of Bane, portrayed by Tom Hardy. This movie is sure to be a knockout, one to remember for all of time. I will be seeing Batman Begins and The Dark Knight in the theater leading up to the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises, and hope to make it to the next day well-rested, uninjured, and blown away. I wish you all the same.

When I came up with the name for The Only Podcast That Matters, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek.  We had yet to record a single show, but I knew our camaraderie was something special.  Over the last two years, I have come to look at the name of our show as half serious and half humorous.  There are thousands of podcasts out there and, yes, some even have bigger audiences than we do.  I listen to and watch many others but fellow weekly shows really grab my attention, and there are a few which I listen to on a regular basis.  Here are some of my other favorite podcasts.

Best of Chris Moyles – I came upon The Chris Moyles Show in 2008 after hearing a hysterical interview with a drunken Noel Gallagher, and I’ve been listening to its weekly podcast ever since.  This BBC Breakfast Show team has incredible light-speed banter and really puts a stick of dynamite beneath the whole zoo-style radio format.  Not only do they have an awesome collection of guests, but their skits and games genuinely keep you intrigued.  I never get tired of hearing celebrities sounding puzzled when asked if they like olives, not to mention the prospect of being attacked by a horse-sized duck!  Chris, Comedy Dave, Dom, Tina, and Aled all have an amazing way of keeping the show fast paced and funny.  I was very sorry to hear the announcement this week that the show will come to an end in September, but that thankfully still leaves time for you fine readers to subscribe to it on iTunes.  I’m grateful to have heard four of the seven years of highlights from this show and I wish this group all the best in the future.

Penn’s Sunday School – I randomly heard about Penn Jillette’s podcast two months ago and it immediately got my attention.  This show kicked off in February and has since been a regular source of amusement for me and thousands of others.  I really dig how the show is broadcast live on Sundays (for the consumption of, dare I say, the devout) and released as an audio podcast the following day.  If other engagements keep Penn from doing a live show, he records one in advance as to not miss a week (a consistency I aim for and greatly respect).  All his radio experience really keeps the show moving from what’s been happening in the past or present world of Penn or cohost Michael Goudeau to the never ending search for a news reporter to the primate lovefest of Monkey Tuesday.  Naturally, religion and atheism are often discussed to the enjoyment of some and (likely) irritation of others, but regardless of your beliefs, I say it’s an hour and a half well spent.

The Jillian Michaels Show – I think Jillian Michaels is awesome.  Her podcast reinforces all the best of her advice from her books and television work through anecdotes and everyday scenarios.  Aside from the diet and exercise tips, you get loads of Canadian-infused banter with her producer Janice and occasional quips from engineer Jake, which keeps this show as entertaining as it is insightful.  I’m very happy Jillian is offering the best of her experience to the world.  Granted, a fit pregnancy and living gluten free aren’t issues which resonate with me, but that is further proof of how there is something for everyone in this show.  She even takes emails and calls from listeners.  Those should be all the reasons you need.  Check this show out now!

The Ricky Gervais Podcast – True, it’s not a weekly podcast, but it’s still a favorite of mine.  If you’ve seen The Ricky Gervais Show on HBO, you have taken a gaze into this comedic goldmine.  While the animation in the show elevates the humor by adding visual jokes to the discussions, I still love to listen to the three-piece conversation.  Many of our listeners have told me our show takes after this one in a way, which I take as an extremely high compliment since I love Ricky’s stuff so much.  While this podcast offers samples of some of the Ricky Gervais Guide To… audiobooks (available for purchase through iTunes or Audible), there are also a few free podcasts featuring Ricky, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington as well as bits and pieces from Ricky’s television projects and appearances.  The hours of free content here will certainly have you purchasing the rest of the catalog in no time (like I did).  So what are you waiting for?

Finally, if you’ve made it through all this and you still haven’t checked out the show we do here, you absolutely must do so right now.  Here’s an iTunes link.  See how easy I made that?

Perhaps there has been a bit too much praise for a blog called Rants, but maybe I’ll spew some venom next week.  In the meantime, you have some podcasts to listen to!

P.S. Our documentary Running Amuck In Boston goes live our YouTube channel this Saturday, so if The Dark Knight Rises is all sold out, spend your weekend watching us!

A new episode means a new euphemistic title!  Listen to the guys ramble for another hour of laughs.  Andrew calls out trolls but encourages self-love, Chris refuses to take part in “Rock” even though he assembles his ultimate band, Jimmy switches the eyes of famous women while dreaming of The Metal Olympics, and Jack continues to avoid video games and hate on famous musicians.

On a select number of occasions, I’ve gone to the movie theaters to see two movies in one day.  Technically, they weren’t billed as double features because I had to pay for each ticket individually, but nonetheless I had a majority of my day/evening occupied by two movies.  What I’ve learned on the select occasions that I’ve done this is that typically only one of these movies I will genuinely enjoy and the other could most likely bore me to tears or only be somewhat entertaining.  Now I know all double features can’t be as brilliant and entertaining as “Grindhouse,” (which everyone should see by the way as it will change your life as it did mine) but with the frequency of how quickly movies come out nowadays, not all can be winners.

Here are the double features I’ve seen with a brief review to prove my point.  Again this is my opinion and others may disagree, but I’m sure a lot of you will point out my mistakes.  I know I have:

July 2004- “I. Robot” and “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”-  “I. Robot” was awful, boring, and Will Smith’s worst movie to date.  I loved “Anchorman.”  Who didn’t.  It’s one of the most quotable films of the last decade and still makes me laugh to this day.

January 2009- “Frost/Nixon” and “The Wrestler”- My intention was to see all the Oscar Nominated films that year and I spent one Saturday afternoon doing so.  “Frost/Nixon” was an engaging story that really grabbed my interest.  I’m not one so much for politics, but for historical dramas like this it was plenty entertaining.  “The Wrestler” was good, but too depressing of a story that I’d actually eve r sit and watch again.  Being a fan of wrestling, I’ve heard way too many tragic stories of men like Mickey Rourke’s character and it wasn’t uplifting at all.  I expected a story of redemption, instead it was anything but that.

June 2009-  “The Hangover” and “Land of the Lost”- “The Hangover” is still in my top five funniest movies of all time.  I laughed all the way through and wanted to go buy another ticket to see it again.  Instead, I purchased a ticket to “Land of the Lost.”  What was I thinking you ask?  I don’t know.  I loved Will Ferrell movies and I thought it could work.  It didn’t.  I was one of six people in the theater that summer afternoon and by the time the lights went on I was one of three.  It made me realize that maybe seeing an man in his 40s yelling like a moron for 90 minutes wasn’t going to pass for entertainment anymore and that audiences have seen enough.

May 2010- “Iron Man” and “Iron Man 2″- I knew going in to the double feature that I already loved the first “Iron Man” after seeing it twice before already, in theaters and DVD respectively.  Seeing it again before the midnight opening of the second film made me love it even more.  “Iron Man 2″ was a fun film and I enjoyed it, but it fell short of it’s predecessor.  Not drastically, but out of the entire Marvel Avengers saga, this film still stands as the weakest amongst the current six.

August 2010- “Dinner for Schmucks” and “The Other Guys”-  “Dinner for Schmucks” was one of the oddest comedies I’ve ever seen.  I went solely on the cast to see it (Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, and sure, maybe Zach Galifinakis) but the story just didn’t work.  It was so unusual, but not that funny kind of unusual that you’d see in something like “A Fish Called Wanda.”  If you thought I had enough Will Ferrell after the previously mentioned film, then think again.  “The Other Guys” wasn’t awful, but kind of funny.  I love buddy cop movies and the pairing of Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg was a good enough tandem for me, just not the best.

November 2011- “Puss in Boots” and “Tower Heist”-  I hated “Puss in Boots.”  I love animated movies, but this bored the shit out of me.  I wasn’t a fan the previous “Shrek” entries either, so I don’t know why I went and saw this.  “Tower Heist” wasn’t the funniest movie, but it kept me entertained.  I loved seeing Eddie Murphy back in an adult comedy, but he wasn’t in it as much as I’d hoped he’d be.

February 2012- “Man on a Ledge” and “Chronicle”- “Man on a Ledge” isn’t awful,  but it’s definitely a rental or one of those movies you catch on late night TV.  “Chronicle” on the other hand was awesome.  Out of all the found footage movies out now, this is the best one ever made.  It’s brilliant in it’s direction and intensity.

July 2012- “Ted” and “Savages”- “Ted” is funny, there is no disputing that, but it isn’t the funniest movie of all time by any means.  The several key funny scenes were put in the commercials and trailers that everyone has been posting on Facebook for three months in between terrible memes and e-cards.  There were several laugh out loud moments, but it really does follow the Family Guy formula.  “Savages” on the other hand is awesome.  Great story, acting and some of the most brutal violence I’ve seen in movies in a long time.   Please go see this movie.

So it’s true they can’t all be winners, but sometimes seeing two good movies back to back can happen.  It just hasn’t happened to me yet.  Next week, my cohorts and I will be seeing a triple IMAX feature of “Batman Begins,” “The Dark Knight” and “The Dark Knight Rises,” so disappointment can take a long night off.  It’s time to celebrate the conclusion to the greatest trilogy in recent years.  I hope all of you will do the same.

“The only good bug is a dead bug” ~ Starship Troopers

Due to the recent storms and humidity, the world around me has become an unbearable insect metropolis. From spiders to mosquitoes, dragonflies to ants, they’ve all be driven out of their hiding spots by the crazy weather and far too many of them have chosen my backyard as home. This will no longer be tolerated. Yesterday, I took it upon myself to wage a one-man attack on my yard with a bottle of bug genocide attached to a garden hose. I sprayed until every last drop came out of that bottle, and you can probably smell it from where you are. While the dragonflies and ants are relatively harmless, the spiders and mosquitoes have got to go. Any bug that has a taste for human flesh or blood is a danger and needs to be taken out. If it were up to me, insects at large would be wiped off the planet, regardless of whatever supposed benefits they provide for this earth. I’m starting small, but I hope my sentiments spread like wildfire. I hope other soldiers in this war can enjoy their summer as the bugs that attack their home and yard suffocate in a puddle of caustic chemicals and then fry in the sun. I don’t care who was here first, this is our world now. We’re bringing the battle to them.

Just watch out for zombies, too.

Summer is now in full swing, having just passed the second major holiday of the season.  While I enjoy going out and about in the sunshine just as much as everyone else, there are a few items which only cross my mind this time of year.

For instance, people are bugged by the fact that I don’t wear flip flops or sandals.  Many of my friends are puzzled by my year-round love of jeans and boots, but it’s just my thing.  I don’t care if you all want to wear flip flops because the temperature is finally above 60°.  Just don’t make comments about my choice to wear something else.

Speaking of choices I don’t agree with, lately, there isn’t a day that goes by when I’m not tempted to drive with a big bag of rocks in my passenger seat so I can hurl one at the rear windshield of the car ahead of me who just threw their cigarette out the window.  If you want to suck fire into your lungs, go right ahead, but stop littering the roads by tossing your poisons out the window.  Get an ashtray in your car and keep your trash on your own turf.  You’ve already inhaled 95% of your lung dart so letting it linger inside your car shouldn’t harm you that much more.

Finally, since flip flops have become daily footwear for so many these days (and I use the term “footwear” loosely), I can’t help but notice how so many women have tattoos on their feet.  Maybe I’m behind on this one but these tattoos seem to be a recent trend, like the new tramp stamp.  You remember those, don’t you?  Not so long ago, women would get a tattoo above their ass of some tribal symbol, a butterfly, or the name of their favorite Chinese dish.  Personally, I don’t see the point in getting a tattoo is a place where you can’t see it, but people are free to do what they want.  Maybe that’s why the foot thing has taken off.  With all the chicks that seem to live in flip flops, it could be they’ve taken a cue from their older sisters who aren’t able to admire their ink.  I don’t know and I don’t particularly care, but it’s just an observation I’ve recently made.

That’s it for this week.  If you’re jonesin’ for some summertime laughs, make sure you check out Episode 37: SummerCast and listen as we talk about all the best and worst of this time of year.

Working in retail has very few ups and a hell of a lot of downs. Recently, I have started noticing more and more people who need to use a motorized shopping cart to get around the store. While I do understand the need for them and why some people need to use them, people need to realize that most stores have a limited amount of carts. Customers do not understand that other people in the store are using them and it is not my fault that are in use and they can’t have one at that second.

Half the problem is that the carts are worse than nipples on the Batman suit. You need to know how to get them to work if you want any kind of success, and trying to explain that to a customer is beyond useless. So when the cart “stalls” they think it’s dead and then it needs to be replaced with a new one. So now I am driving a new one half way across the store, get yelled at for not being quick enough and having poor carts. Then I jump on their “dead” one which is not really dead and drive away. At which time they comment “how did you do that” and I respond “magic”. Also if you walked into the store and plopped yourself into a cart then you can walk the hell out with out one.

When you return a cart or check if a cart is fully charged please plug it back in. Don’t complain to me that it’s not charged when you unplugged them all and left them. So please try using some etiquette when using a motorized cart or I might run you over.

The third episode in this series has been released!  Wrestling great Randy Savage continues his reign as anchor of a news broadcast, bringing you all the latest news from the top rope!

It’s a time to celebrate independence, so it’s no surprise that Chris applauds the success of the new fan-funded album from Ginger Wildheart.  However, it is also no surprise that many other things get picked apart: memes, Instagram, sports team front runners, dumb ways to get high, and a seemingly valid reason to hate Gavin DeGraw.  At least the guys take a moment to fondly remember Surge.

If you follow me on Twitter, you would have noticed that for the last few days the title of this entry has been hash tagged in a few of my retweets. If you have not read, Mr. Blythe is still being detained in Prague for alleged manslaughter. The reason for these charges were brought about by the the supposed accusation that Randy pushed a fan from the stage: said fan then suffered a coma and death due to a brain hemorrhage.  According to different sources, this fan rushed the stage 3 times, twice being pushed by security and once by Randy. Also, it is speculated that this incident may have happened 3 months ago and the Czech police just contacted Blythe and Lamb of God’s manager.

Now, I’m not going to assume that most of you readers have been to a metal show, especially a show by a band as heavy as Lamb of God. Things do get out of hand; violent energies are released in the pit, stage diving is common and, hell, you might even end up in a Wall of Death. But there is security present to make sure things don’t get too crazy. A situation where a fan rushes the stage, 3 times, should not be taken lightly, especially after the death of “Dimebag” Darrell Abbot (where a fan got onstage and shot him in the head with a 6 shooter). For Randy to push the fan from the stage would not only be considered normal, but also as a sort of self defense.

However, the Czech authorities are claiming it was manslaughter  (not accidental, straight up manslaughter) and, even after posting over $200,000 in bail, are still detaining Randy. He is facing 5 to 10 years in prison (as of this writing) as punishment. While it is understandablyheart breaking for the family to lose a son, the combination of a late contact from the Czech authorities, no release upon posting of bail, and a claim of unmitigated manslaughter reeks of political bullshit.

On the lighter side of things, here is an update to a post from 2 weeks ago: it seems that the dumb as lawsuit brought up by Charles Carreon dropped his dumb ass lawsuit against Matthew Inman. But Carreon still claims it was a victory for him.

I’ve never understood the joys of piracy at all, that in fact if there are any joys to it to begin with.  I’ve always been a fan of owning the physical media of something, whether it’s a CD, DVD or more recent Blu-Ray, or something as simple as a movie ticket.  Call me crazy, but I love putting my hard earned cash into something I want in the hopes something good will come out of it.  Sure, we’ve all seen or purchased tickets to movies that we’ve all hated, or purchased a CD and only listened to one or two songs due to the dissatisfaction of my expectations for it.  It sucks sometimes, but that’s just life.  Take the good with the bad and move on.  Just because something doesn’t live up to my expectations and there is little chance I’d be getting my money back for it doesn’t make me hate the system.

I’ve never once thought to steal something online whatever it may be.  Not because I’m some angel who wouldn’t dare break the law, but because I don’t enjoy obtaining such interests in that manner.  Who really wants to download a movie and watch a grainy variation of it on their computer monitor instead of seeing it up close and personal?  If you said you would rather do things that way, then that’s really really lame.  I remember borrowing the two “Kill Bill” movies in high school after someone got them from online and didn’t enjoy the experience at all.  The movies were great, but the format sucked.  Since then if I want to see something, I’ll make sure I’d have the money for it.  Another time I illegally downloaded something was when I was looking for an mp3 app for my phone to download music to listen to on my phone.  I thought it didn’t matter because I owned all the songs on various formats already and I just wanted to have them at a quick moments notice.  I didn’t go in with the intention of stealing.  After I downloaded songs from an mp3 app on my phone,  my phone experienced severe problems.  A lesson learned I suppose.

I love owning the physical product itself.  Hell, I don’t even properly purchase music from sites like Amazon or iTunes because I’d rather have the CD itself.  Even those that have been out of print for a while.  Usually, I have an avenue to which I can purchase a new copy.  If not, then used will do.  And if that doesn’t work, I’ll buy an iTunes gift card and make a purchase when all else fails.  I want to support those in the music industry whom I listen to daily by owning their album.  It’s the least I can do to show my appreciation.  It’s also the truest representation of fandom in my book.  Same goes for movies.  If I love it, it will definitely occupy space on my movie shelf upon release to home video, especially after enjoying it in the theater on possibly more than one occasion.  Besides owning something is the greatest form of bragging rights there is.

For those who pirate, it’s not worth it.  You may think you’re cheating the system and giving an “F you” to the big evil record companies and movie studios because their grossly overpriced merchandise, but in the end you’re committing a really stupid crime.  Even if something comes out that’s terrible, somebody worked on it and deserves their cut, no matter how small the fees may be.  Besides fines usually cost more than a pile of CD’s, DVDs, Blu-rays and movie stubs combined.  So in the end you’re not giving an “F you” to the industries, but rather it comes full circle right back to you.

In closing, piracy sucks.  End it.

Oh and Happy 4th of July.

Last week, I went to the theater to see, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and just as I expected, it is the most important movie that is out right now, or that has been released in recent memory. History only seems to remember Lincoln’s later years; his emancipation of the slaves, his presidency, the Civil War, and his assassination. What history doesn’t seem to remember are his formative years; the murder of his mother by a vampire, the human-friendly vampire that taught him how to slay hordes of bloodthirsty beasts, his courtship with Mary Todd, and the hidden war he fought before the one that tore our nation apart. Nobody wants to believe any of it, but anyone in their right mind shouldn’t have a hard time believing that the American government would hide this for a hundred and fifty years. This documentary is the most important history lesson any American citizen can possibly learn. I hope everyone sees this film, and does so with an open mind.

Why is it such a big deal when celebrities get pregnant?  Somehow we all stop and marvel at the wonder of a man fertilizing a famous woman, especially if the man is famous too.  Actresses, singers, and inexplicably famous “reality” show stars get knocked up every other week, magazines print a cover story, and the public eats it up.  Why?

Of course, once we know she’s pregnant, we have to monitor how much weight she’s gaining.  Weight gain varies among both the famous and anonymous.  There are plenty of women who have fit and slim pregnancies, and there are many others who balloon to twice their size.  These are the results of genetics and lifestyle at work.  Naturally, if she gets too fat, we have to criticize her for it.  How dare she not retain her slim or curvaceous figure!

If we’re really unlucky, she’ll show off her baby belly while she’s in the third trimester.  Maybe she’ll be edgy and pose nude, like Demi Moore did 21 years before Jessica Simpson.  Shortly after she pops out the little goblin, she’ll be on the cover of another weekly rag stating some sage wisdom like “being a mother is such a miracle.”  Thanks, hon.  Humanity has taken it for granted until you came along and straightened it out for us.

Before long, she’ll be all over the major magazines showing off her post-baby bikini body, with one hand on a pronounced hip and the other hand minimally supporting a baby, which is usually slumped over her forearm like a two pound bag of rice.  Now we need to know how she got her body back.  What are her secrets?  I’ll let you in on one of them: money.  She can afford a dietician, a nutritionist, a personal trainer, and a personal chef much more easily than the average new mom.  That is why she fit so nicely into that bikini four weeks after giving birth.  For most of these celebrities, their bodies are part of their image.  Beyonce had her trainer live with her during her pregnancy, guiding her every step of the way to ensure a quick physical rebound.  Most of you don’t have that luxury so don’t be so impressed with how miraculous her body looks.

Ultimately, this obsession never ends.  From the brand of stroller to the clothing labels they wear, we’re never tired of hearing about famous people’s kids.

And don’t even get me started on their names.

For the first time in show history, three actual gamers get together to yammer on about video games.  Listen in as Cory tries to talk as much as possible about E3, Jimmy makes sure no one stays on topic, and everyone’s favorite guest, Dan, repeatedly talks about the male member.

Storm Field. Amy Freeze. Sounds like a two comic book heroes, right? Neither are. Most of us are familiar with the first name. He was a weatherman on WABC and WCBS in New York for a number of years, through most of my childhood. Amy is a fellow meteorologist, who works on WABC during the weekends.

The point I’m trying to make is this: what’s with the wacky names? I could understand if you were in porn or some other shady type of entertainment (or a wannabe superhero) that one would want to hide their true identity. Are these characters sought out at birth to become weather people? When deciding a name, did their parents put forth the idea of “Hey, little Suzie should be a weather woman when she grows up. Let’s change her name to Hale-y” ?

There are plenty of posts about this topic, so I’m not the only one who wonders about this inanity.

Facebook has a plethora of annoying features that clog up my news feed on an hourly basis.  Whether it’s annoying memes (God, I hate that word and everything about that feature) or, well, just about everything on Facebook, it’s become a site where useless information is everywhere.  The most annoying feature is the tagging feature.  Where one person has to tag themselves everywhere  they go.  It’s gotten so annoying that quite frankly I stopped following people on Facebook because they kept tagging themselves everywhere.  Out of all the features on Facebook, this is the worse.

Who cares where people are and what they’re doing?  I sure don’t.  Unless someone gets kidnapped and the abductor forgot to take away the person’s smartphone or you’re an immature teenager who ran away from home and their parents are worried, then by all means tag yourself everywhere.  Otherwise, no one cares.  No one cares that you checked into work, checked into Dunkin Donuts, or anywhere else.  Certainly no one cares that you and the group of your friends that your out with all tagged yourself in the same place.  I get it, all five of you went to Applebees for dinner.  That doesn’t mean all five of you have to do a TAG EACH!  WE ALL KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!  I knew you were going to Applebees because I got an invite to go on Facebook too, and probably turned it down because I either couldn’t make it or didn’t want to be tagged by every person at the table.

It doesn’t matter where you are or where you go.  Good for you, but I don’t necessarily want to hear about it.  I’ve tagged myself in places two or three times in my life and couldn’t help but feel like a loser afterward.  It’s a thing for dumbass teenagers to do, and I’m in my 20s so I will not do it anymore.  No matter how awesome the place is that I’m at.  You’ll just have to hear me tell you the story about it and be jealous I went there.  It’s dumb people, so please stop doing this.  Or else I’ll tag my foot in your ass.  Well, maybe I won’t be that harsh, but stop doing it anyway.

I was at a local supermarket the other take to pick up some fare for an upcoming housewarming party I was hosting. I went to the deli counter to get some cheese for the dozens of burgers that would be grilled on this occasion.  The deli counter was mobbed, and mostly by senior citizens, who flock over to this supermarket from the many retirement villages in the area. If you’ve ever seen a crotchety old woman think that her number was skipped by the deli workers (who are shouting out numbers loud enough for anyone in Brazil to hear them), then you’ve witnessed the sudden rage that can envelop the old bat. Such a situation occurred on that day, which caused old ladies to yell at each other, and at the deli workers. Standing there, huffing and puffing, making sure their deli meats and cheeses are sliced just to perfection, yelling at complete strangers because they had to wait a couple extra minutes for their orders, these old farts make it difficult not to regret the increasing life span of the average American. Then again, maybe I’d be irritated too if I was possibly going to buy the farm at any minute and might not get to enjoy my perfectly-sliced meats and cheeses. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I have no love lost for old people, and if it were up to me, they’d all be stripped of their driver’s licenses and their ability to aggravate strangers at the supermarket, and stuffed into assisted living projects where people get paid well enough to deal with their shit, both literal and figurative.

This blog is called Rants and it’s supposed to reflect what’s on my mind this week, so today I’m going to talk about the workplace.  I’ve already shared my thoughts on past jobs a few times but given some recent observations, I’ve decided to talk semi-openly about a place I know all too well.  Chances are you have a job and can relate to what I’m talking about here, so while some of it may be a bit specific, there probably is plenty you can relate to.

Whenever I scroll through my Facebook feed, I usually see a load of my former coworkers (along with a few of their current coworkers who I’m lucky enough to be in touch with) venting frustration about their current job, which I’m happy to say is my former job.  I left this particular employer nearly two years ago and I count every single day since as a blessing.  That being said, I’m still bothered when people I care about are run down by self-important authority figures on a daily basis, so I thought I’d share my thoughts on the way I see this place.

Perhaps the most hideous part of this work environment is how there is this illusion of teamwork among all who work under that roof.  There is no bigger lie perpetuated on a daily basis than the managers pretending to support the associates.  Once upon a time, in my nascent days as a young supervisor, teamwork was the culture within those four walls.  Everyone worked together to achieve the highest results.  That has been replaced by a culture of accountability, one that wants to have every associates’ minor moments of ineffectiveness documented, so when it’s time for their annual review, their meager (or lack of an) increase is justified.

Of course, an emphasis on accountability is rooted in the insecurity of the people who run the place.  The only way they can slide under the employment limbo bar each year is by making others do their work so they can take the praise for the wins and hold their team accountable for the losses.  This is insecurity, folks.  They don’t have the knowledge or skill to get the job done themselves so they rely on their underlings to take care of that for low pay and even less appreciation.  What more can you expect from a collection of people who have been stuck on the same wrung of their career ladder for a few years because of their lack of knowledge and skill?  Their only way to prove their worth is to blame others for the losses and write them up, when the truth is they could be doing some of the work themselves if they weren’t too busy chatting up every cleavage they see or spinelessly breaking policy to give into customer demands for fear of having to enforce what the company has laid out for them to stand by and risk dealing with a…gasp!…complaint.

While the boss who takes credit for the hard work of others is the worst of the bunch, there is no shortage of annoying personalities giving you grief at work.  Take the recently hired college grad who spends most of their day bossing around people who have been doing their job the right way since before this newbie packed on their Freshman Fifteen.  Let’s not forget the boss who is all relaxed and cool until their day hits a speed bump and then it’s all life or death.  Then there’s the invisible boss, who we’ve all met (or have we?).  While everyone is doing their job, this manager hides away from everybody and only shows up to correct mistakes.  These archetypes make sure to keep a distance between their self-important authority and the responsibilities of their subordinates.  Every single one of these personalities influenced my managerial style in that they taught me how not to run things.  While I never aspired to being everyone’s favorite supervisor, I always knew being respectful and appreciative of great work are cornerstones to keeping your team loyal.

Some of you probably think these are meaningless words from a bitter former employee.  On the contrary, I left this job of my own accord when I’d had enough of it.  Granted, since I’d accumulated over a hundred attendance infractions during two of my years there, naturally, I was told after giving notice how I “probably would have been fired for attendance” if I’d stuck around longer.  This was totally untrue, like hearing a person claim they would have bet last night’s winning lottery numbers but decided randomly to get a quick pick instead.  Despite more than enough reasons to counsel me for bad attendance, I was not written up once in those two years.  I have no idea why.  Maybe it was the incompetence of my boss or his outright laziness.  Regardless, I walked away from this job unscathed and moved on with my life.  However, there are those times when I’m reminded of the difficulty of working with certain people, and since I’m pretty free with my thoughts, it seems only fitting to share them on those occasions.

So what does this all mean?  Your job is just a job, plain and simple.  Some jobs may dictate your lifestyle if you travel a lot or if you’re often on-call, but most people just have JOBS, a means of making money to pay for housing, gas, food, and pleasure; maybe they even provide you with health insurance.  As far as dealing with bosses…hey, they’ll always be there.  Let’s hope a few of them decide to treat everyone with respect and stand up for the team when they’re not appreciated by others in charge.  Maybe some of my former bosses will read this and get angry.  I don’t give a rat’s ass if they do.  They certainly know if I’m talking about them so maybe they’re not so stupid after all.  This might even wake them up.

Don’t bet your job on it, though.  Choose to go after the better you deserve instead of waiting for them to wise up.

Respectfully yours,

Chris

We are rapidly approaching the release date of Running Amuck In Boston, the first full length documentary from TheOnlyPodcast.com.  Our seven heroes travel from New Jersey to Boston for a photo shoot.  This behind the scenes footage gives an inside look at life on and off the road with the stars of The Only Podcast That Matters.

The film goes live on the official YouTube channel next month.

P.S. Make sure you change the playback quality on the video to HD for a more intense experience!

Recorded during the small hours of yesterday, Chris, Jimmy, and Cory reminisce about TV shows of their youth, the fun of horror movies, failed attempts to avoid spoilers in the 21st century, question the Brony revolution, and discuss their geeky pillow talk from the night they all spent together.  Cory survives Fraggle deprivation, Jimmy gets terrified by central air, and Chris has his cinematic tastes questioned by his future girlfriend.

My last entry seemed to berate everyone and everything on the internet, however, after reading these two stories, my faith in the general public might be restored. The first, and I assume more popular, story comes from New York. It features a 10 minutes video of a bunch of shit stain middle schoolers completely belittling a bus monitor, for kicks. When I was young, authority figures were always considered the enemy, no matter what part of the chain of command they were. This video, on the other hand, is completely uncalled for. Even if she was an aforementioned authority figure, the insults hurled at this poor soul are completely unnecessary. But, as the title of this blog states, there is a bright side. A few good people saw this video and felt pity on Karen (the monitor) and decided to start a charity to send her on vacation. As of writing this post, they have raised  $402, 279 … and still have 29 days to raise more money.  That’s incredible. The power of the group is truly defined here. Here is the actual IndieGoGo link, in case you wanted to donate also.

The second story, one that may have not garnered the same amount of press, comes from that other wonderful website, The Oatmeal. You see, Matt Inman, the site’s creator, was tired of his comics being stolen hosted on another site. So mad was he, that he wrote a blog about it, pointing out some of his stolen property (along with stuff taken from other sites). About a week ago (June 11th) Matt wrote about how he was served papers claiming that the website, that was stealing his stuff, is seeking $20,000 in damages. Mr. Inman, deciding not to get into a huge legal battle, decides to sponsor a charity; its proceeds going toward the National Wildlife Federation and the American Cancer Society, which is a complete slap in the face of the accusing website. Well, that charity has, as of this writing, garnered $209,232 and still has 4 days left. That is over 1000% of his original goal. That charity is here, in case you want to keep rubbing it in that other site’s face.

PS – the other site’s lawyer is now suing both organizations for any money received from this fundraiser. Douche.

There’s one thing in the world that makes me instantly loose all attraction to an woman:  Smoking.  I think smoking is the absolute worst thing a person could do to oneself whether male or female, outside of alcohol and drug abuse.  It’s the filthiest, most expensive, most disgusting habit on the planet and why people still do it is beyond me.  Cigarettes are mainly the point of this rant as cigars don’t bother me as much.  People who smoke cigars aren’t as egregious and dependent upon tobacco compared to cigarettes.  As a matter of fact, cigar smells don’t bother me at all.  Chewing tobacco?  Why would you in the first place?  It looks like you’re chewing seaweed.  Cigarette smoke is the worst of them all.

Ever since I was little I promised myself I’d never smoke and still keep that to this day.  I was repealed by cigarettes from an early age with people in my family who felt the compulsory need to light up every 30 minutes as if their lives depended on it.  In my teens I was even more against it when some friends tried it and it made them sick to their stomachs.  Also, having to use the bathrooms in middle school and high school, whose restrooms had the most disgusting smell of urinal cakes, shit and cigarettes, I was even more adverse to it.  Gross across the board.

I could rant about why people still smoke for eons and it won’t make a difference.  People still smoke and will continue to smoke, even after their lungs turn into something that resembles a burnt couch.  The point with this entry is to express how smoking is one of the key make or breaks with any potential relationship with me.  I’ve met plenty of women who are gorgeous and intelligent that I’d take an interest to.  Once they lit up a cigarette, that attraction washed away instantly.  It’s one of the biggest roadblocks for me.

I don’t want to taste ashes in my mouth or have my car smell like the inside of a teachers lounge because I’m dating a smoker.  I’ve turned down a date or two because of the smoking aspect of others, just because it bothers me so much.  Neither would have worked out for me anyway, but it’s neither here nor there.  I hate smoking and will not date a smoker.  It’s not for me at all.  I’d rather date someone who had a kid than date someone who makes out with the Marlboro Man on daily basis.

Sure, a single guy like myself maybe shouldn’t be so picky and this doesn’t mean that all smokers are evil, filthy people.  They’re not, but I just don’t want to date one anyway, no matter how nice.  I would never try to change who someone is to fit my needs in a relationship,  but if you want to be in a relationship with me then you have to quit smoking.  Call me an asshole or whatever you want, it’s me or the cigarettes.  Trust me, I’m the better, healthier alternative.  For those who don’t, just remember when you’re on oxygen someday don’t get the lighter flame near your tank.

Thank you for not smoking.

Sincerely,

Jack

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing out in the street, how mad you would get when you had to continually stop whatever delightful game you were playing to let cars pass by? Fast forward to adulthood, you’re a driver and you contemplate murder by motor vehicle when kids playing in the street stare at you blankly and take forever to move so you can pass through. It’s amazing how things change.

I’ve already made it clear that I’m not a fan of Tom Cruise.  I’m also not a fan of musicals.  I am, however, a big fan of 80’s music, so it should come as no surprise that the thought of a Rock of Ages movie made my skin crawl.

The resurgence of musicals is most likely the fault of Disney, who bombarded the world with High School Musical back in 2006.  Its success guided a revival of the genre and cursed the world with two sequels along with spinoffs in China, Argentina, and Brazil.  Some studios even attempted to cash in by creating generic, low-budget equivalents like Sunday School Musical.  I’ll bet even the porn industry took a stab at musicals after this.  Maybe there’s a high school-based porno called Barely Legal Musical; perhaps a tie-in with a few MILFs called Really Legal Musical.  The only truly interesting spin on this idea has to be High School Reunion Musical where burnt out jock Troy is now working at his father’s car wash while going steady with an alimony check and Gabriella is carting around six kids, all from different fathers.  Maybe then, and only then, they can find their true love…or just throw it down in the girls’ locker room for old times’ sake.  Anyway…

Hollywood upped the ante when the popularity of Glee left the world ravaged in the wake of their vanilla cover versions of current hits and classic songs.  Since it’s a weekly show, there is more opportunity to stay current and keep the mainstream momentum charging forward.  It seems the next logical step was to raid Broadway to find the next golden goose.  Alas, we were given Rock of Ages on Friday.

First of all, let me say that Tom Cruise singing “Paradise City” and “Pour Some Sugar On Me” should be punishable by death, even if he does so in the privacy of his own home.  Matters are only made worse by some of the praise he’s gotten for his singing voice.  Some folks involved with the film’s production have even called him a natural born singer.  This is quite a drastic change from the world’s opinion of this guy about five years ago when he was just another rich zealot.  In fact, if you listen to his recent hype long enough, you may become convinced that Tom Cruise can do anything (except reach the cabinets above the fridge without the aid of a stepstool, of course).

Well, I’m happy to say people didn’t flock to see Rock of Ages this weekend, as it opened at number three at the weekend box office.  International audiences didn’t really respond to it either, as the film sits around $20 million worldwide as of today.  Despite the “good time” the poster promises, perhaps the world is finally starting to realize this is simply more of the same.  Personally, at this point, I can go the rest of my life without ever hearing “Don’t Stop Believin’” again and be at peace.  As for musicals in general, I’ll continue to be indifferent to most of them as long as they don’t recycle songs which are already woven into the cultural fabric.

P.S. Cory did challenge me to write about something I like for a change, but maybe I’ll do that next week.  We’ll see what the universe throws at me between now and then.

In an episode more slim on time and contributors than its predecessor, Chris, Ron, and Metal Jimmy dish out the skinny on living lean (even if they’ve fallen off the wagon here and there).  The good and bad of diet and exercise are freshly served in this gluten-free and caffeine-free second installment of the crew’s not-so-balanced look at health and wellness.

CONTAINS: Wheat, Soy, Humor

Forget intros, let’s just get into it:

1. I hate the internet. It used to be a cool place to go and find some unnecessary knowledge, porn, embarrassing pictures of celebrities, and other trivial things. Now all its become is a haven for people to bitch about everything. Even the porn videos. You really ned to reconsider your stance in life if you bitch about the lighting in a 5 minutes porn snippet. This hatred leads me to my next…

2. I hate online reviews. Not because some armchair film critic gives away the ending to a movie I haven’t seen, but because some dillweed gives 1 star reviews to every product ever, since his brain isn’t evolved far enough to have two synapses fire to let him know how to operate the damn things. This can segue into my next topic…

3. I hate customers. Especially customers who feel its necessary to troll the page of a company that they dislike (even though they may have used said company’s service) and continually comment on how said company sucks and is a rip off and you should never use their service and blah, blah, blah…. Get a fucking hobby, besides being bitter on the internet. …Segue….

4. I hate trolls. Not the trolls that live under bridges and threaten billy goats, but the pudgy, pimple ridden, wannabe code junkies that have nothing better to do than berate everything. These wastes of oxygen sit in their “thrones” and mercilessly attack anything that has been on the web, or in existence, for more than two seconds. Whether its movies, video games, YouTube, or politics, you can find of these assholes there.

5. I hate activists. I don’t give a shit about the Three Nose Purple Polka Dotted Chilean Wombat you found and how there’s only 2 left in the world. I’m headed to Chile now to shoot one and eat it. Probably tastes gamey.

6. I hate this ridiculous obsession with zombies that everyone in the world has. People were in love with these boring horror monsters well before people actually started to act like them, and I still don’t get it. There are not special.

7. I hate children. Especially right now, since school has let out. Nothing is more annoying then… wait, Ryan wrote about this already. Read his blog.

8. I most likely hate you. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ll most likely be hating you at some point for something, so let’s just get it out of the way now.

PS-  The title of this entry has been named after a Psychostick song. Go listen to it.

With all the housework that myself, Ryan, and Cory have done recently to our new home, I’ve come to realize one thing specifically:  I hate painting.  I absolutely despise it for a variety of reasons:

1.  I’m not good at it.  No matter how hard I try to paint in a straight line and in a consistent motion, I always get off track.  It looks like someone was designing a freeway after I’m done painting with all the different motion patterns on the wall.

2.  It gets everywhere.  It gets on the floor, in my hair, on my clothes and on my skin.  Do you know how painful it is to pull dried paint off of hairy arms.  Very.

3.  It’s the most time consuming task of all house repair.  I’d rather be staining floors, spackling walls, cleaning windows, walls and cabinets, and lifting heavy objects than painting.  The painting process becomes so drawn out and boring that I grow impatient and yawn excessively.

4.  You’re at the paint’s mercy.  It takes long to dry depending on how many coats your doing and you have to almost wait there and watch paint dry on the wall.  That’s the Webster’s Dictionary definition of boring.  Okay, maybe not, but it might as well be.

As many who worked with me during the weeks of house repair could attest, I do suck at painting and hope I never have to do it for a long time.  I will be willing to do anything else, but paint.  I’m not a handy man to being with, and despite having an awesome beard that makes me look like Bob Vila or Richard Karn (he played Al on “Home Improvement” for those who don’t get that reference) I’m anything but a insightful when it comes to home repair.  This recent house repair is near it’s completion and I did learn a lot.  The most important lesson is that Bob Ross was wrong and painting sucks.

I am an angry old man. I love getting carded for NyQuil because kids are so bored and stupid that they have to get fucked up off of cough syrup. You need a hobby. All the idiot teenagers in towns around the Jersey shore (and the rest of the country I’m sure) need a hobby, or several. It’s summertime, so of course, gaggles of lily-white teenagers are on their bikes, darting across roads, screaming at cars they just cut off because they think they’re funny. They travel in packs, which is supremely annoying. They have a death wish, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to purposely run them down. Many of theses idiots just graduated high school this month, which is probably the most pedestrian accomplishment that exists in modern America. However, that doesn’t stop zealous parents from posting signs all over town saying how proud they are of their kid, as if this is some astronomical feat, and not something that is fully expected of anyone with a pulse.

Good day.

I don’t know about all of you, but I’m getting really tired of seeing shirts with photos of famous musicians flipping the bird.  Everybody acts like a shirt with Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson or Jerry Garcia giving the middle finger is so cool when it really isn’t that special.  The whole reason those men are great is because they stood out from everybody else.  Meanwhile, anybody can flip someone off.  It’s just not as special.

The same goes for the devil horns – pointing with your index and pinky fingers while tucking the rest into a fist.  It’s not badass anymore so guys in bands should stop doing it.  What was once dubbed “the sign of the devil” has become a parody of its former image, now being flung around by non-badass teenagers in metal bands and Ke$ha.  Besides, Ronnie James Dio made that symbol what it is.  Not Gene Simmons, not Ozzy Osbourne, and certainly not a bunch of dudes walking around in Pantera shirts with matching black flip flops trying to show their metal pride.  Dio has sadly left this world, so maybe we should all respectfully not mock something he once made cool.  Deal?

Okay, just one more.  I think there should be a law on the books which makes wearing a Misfits T-shirt in a band’s photo illegal and punishable by death.  Alright, maybe not death.  Perhaps we should just cut off both of their middle fingers and kill two birds with one stone (see what I did there?).  The Misfits made some cool albums back in their heyday and there will always be kids who get into that music, but just because Metallica and Guns N’ Roses wonderfully covered Misfits songs does not mean you’re as cool as they are when you wear that skull logo T-shirt.  Do the rest of us a favor: step away from Hot Topic, go to Home Depot, pick up a hammer, and whip it into your head.

Thank you.

Join Andrew, Cory, Ryan and Jack as they revel in the fact of being the heftiest of the bunch. Jack admits to never truly eating boxed mac and cheese, Andrew tries to discuss recipes, Cory brings up more weird food concoctions from his past, and Ryan has a fiery temper towards Italians and mechanically separated chicken.

The event I wrote about last year has finally arrived. IPv6 was officially implemented yesterday, June 6th, by Google and other major websites and ISPs. While it will take some time before the entire web uses this new system, this is a historic event in tech history. Seeing as how every device is somehow connected to the internet, along with every teenager, the roll out of this programming allows for the continued growth and development of the intawebz, while retaining the stability for existing users.

For a full story, you can always do a Google search or click this link. While you may not physically see this change happen, just be glad it did. Otherwise, you may not have been able to enjoy sites like ours. That would be tragic.

As you could have figured out by now this all changed recently.  I woke up last week after falling asleep on the couch after dinner and it was on the channel I’d had on before I fell asleep.  I found myself laughing hysterically at the show and thought to myself I was just deliriously tired, because this program never made me laugh before.  Just to make sure I actually liked the show I watched another episode later that night and the same result happened.  I liked it.  I really liked it.

What I like mostly about this show is that it’s a traditional sitcom that anyone can enjoy.  Just like what I had growing up.  The characters are funny, the comedy is not over the top gross out humor that so many shows and movies base themselves on nowadays, and it’s the perfect show to laugh with after a long day.  Besides, I’ve fallen madly in love with Kaley Cuoco over the last week more so than before.

I guess I’m one of the last ones to join on this bandwagon of loving this show as my perception of the show has changed.  If there were any characters on TV I could relate to I guess it would be these people.   Millions of people must tune in every week for a reason I suppose.  I plan on catching up this summer just in time for the new season this fall.

In closing:  Bazinga!

They’re coming. I’ve been telling everyone for years, but nobody wanted to listen. Now faces are being eaten. People are gutting themselves and throwing their entrails at cops as they’re being chased down. Kids in Florida high schools are breaking out in mysterious rashes that doctors cannot explain. There comes a point where coincidence becomes more, and we’re just about at that point. You can blame this on “bath salts” or just plain crazy all you want, but you’d do well to start taking precautions. The federal government came out and denied the existence of zombies, and since they’re so honest and forthcoming with everything else, people are breathing a sigh of relief. Bad idea. Though we haven’t seen a true reanimation yet (at least not one that’s been reported), the incidents we have seen may just be the beginning. You’d better get your gun license now, while there’s still civilization, and stock the hell up. Fortify your dwelling, but be ready to stay mobile if need be.

I have personally always wished for a zombie apocalypse. People say I’m crazy, but I would much rather spend my days being chased by zombies than ever have to go to work or pay taxes again. I should finish reading the Zombie Survival Guide, just to make sure I’m ready.

Remember the two most important rules for surviving a zombie apocalypse, as taught to us by the zombie smash Zombieland:

1) CARDIO

2) DOUBLE TAP

And my own personal rule:

FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS REANIMATE

I’ll see you out there. Goodnight, and good luck.

Everyone has read a love story at one point or another, even as little as a fairy tale.  As it turns out, many of us don’t live in a fairy tale and we’re stuck dealing with reality instead of living in a peaceable kingdom surrounded by love and riches.  Nope.  We get reality instead.

One of the side effects of reality is the not-so-happily-ever-after most relationships experience; those times when we’re left with only our memories and pieces of a broken heart.  Despite this, it seems some people just can’t get over an ex.  One of the great examples of this ridiculousness is played out in the classic film Clerks.  In case you somehow missed this movie (currently streaming on Netflix, kids!), let me lay it out for you.  At 22, Dante can’t get over his high school ex, Caitlin.  She’s hardly the one who got away; more like the one who couldn’t stay put.  She cheated on him over and over until the relationship imploded.  Fast forward a few years and they’re talking on the phone again (because there was no Skype or text messaging in 1994) while he has a girlfriend and she has a fiancé.  Dante is convinced despite all the evidence that the pair still have a chance at making it together.  For the five of you who haven’t seen Clerks, I’ll refrain from telling you how it pans out, but this scenario is way too common when it comes to people’s delusions about their chances with an ex.

It is a shame how after an intimate relationship doesn’t work out, people generally need to distance themselves from someone who knew them best.  It would be great if there was more than pain left after the storm of a breakup.  But, for whatever reason, there are those who look at every breakup as a chance to get back together with another ex, being convinced how the timing just wasn’t right for during them their first run, so now they have a second chance.  Maybe even a third chance.  Okay, a fourth.  I guess people like to torture themselves.

I’m sure there are cases of loving somebody and setting them free, only to have them come back and stay for good, but there have to be many more cases of confused people who keep hoping for a future no matter how many times the other person cheats on them or insists on a break so they can screw around with someone else.  The most baffling case of this has to be the person who marries someone they’ve already divorced.  I’ve heard men who were remarried refer to their second marriage as “same hell, different devil.”  How crazy is it when they go back to the same devil?

Sometimes exes become “friends with benefits,” a term which makes it sound okay, like it’s an actual friendship.  It’s certainly a more socially acceptable term than its predecessor: fuck buddy.  Like every other oddity I’ve pointed out, I’m sure there are couples who make this work without any strings, but sex changes everything between two people regardless of how they lie to themselves.  Besides, if you’re in any relationship where the sex isn’t working, cash in your remaining chips and head to another casino.

The most egregious of all these characters has to be the person who obviously is not over their ex regardless of a new relationship.  To be fair, mentioning your ex to a current flame when it is relevant to a fact is not the same as romanticizing.  Saying “I only went to Atlanta once because my ex had family there” is not the same as saying “we really had a great relationship and it’s a shame we’re not together anymore.”  Even if you think that to yourself, verbalizing it to someone new is wrong, so don’t do it.  When you waste people’s time, it just annoys them.  If you’re not ready to date, do the decent thing by staying the hell away from single people until you are ready.

Let me save a few of you some heartache: don’t go for coffee or lunch with an ex.  Don’t go to their congratulatory party.  Don’t follow them on Twitter.  DO NOT TEXT THEM!!  The easiest guideline for when to stay away from an ex is this: if you have to ask your friends if seeing them is a good idea, it isn’t.  You’re probably just looking for a scapegoat to blame after you see how great they’re doing now that you two are split up.  By the way, there is nothing wrong with your ex being happy in their life after you.  Hey, they’d better be happier now than they were when you two were together if it didn’t work out, right?  Right.  Move on.

The truth is there are lots of men and women out there, so if one of them wasn’t willing to carry your baggage, someone else is.  Just make sure not to look behind you for the last person who carried it while the new one is moving ahead thinking you’re by their side.

Lately, I have been on a mission (a five-months-in resolution, if you will) to be more positive in everything I do, especially at work.  This has not just been a walk in the park though.

Work currently makes up about 70% of my stress and hulk smashism.  I would think that my bosses know about me trying to look at the bright side and throw things in my path just to see me blow up.  For example, the other day, 30 minutes before we closed our store, an employee informed me that they did not take their dinner break.  Let me set up this scenario that led to this: I closed that night and I had a skeleton crew, but found out in short order that two of the three people closing with me called out.  Suffice to say it was a very busy night, but I was staying positive through it all.  I kept my cool right up until the time I was informed of said person not getting their dinner break.  My chi is taking a nose dive off a cliff into a bus with orphans by this time.  BUT I did not lose it.  I kept my cool and just dealt with it, even if I felt like throwing someone into traffic.

From one hot head to another, it does not pay to keep things bottled up all the time.  They will explode one day, and not in your favor.  For me, I’ve found that a little prayer helps with my stress, to let God have some of it and hope for things to get better.  Or I’ll hum.  That seems to help me think about something else instead of the problems I’m having.  Try and find something that can take some of your stress from you, like writing or working out.  I wouldn’t recommend eating though.  That is its own stress.

You stay cheery America!

Cory

That’s right, it’s now a series!  Get all the latest news from the great Randy Savage only on the boys’ YouTube channel.  While you’re there, check out the other 18 videos they’ve been stockpiling over the last few months.

DIG IT!

It’s time for another hour with one of everyone’s favorite guests.  Andrew joins Chris and Ryan as Dan tells more tales from the workplace, memories from high school, insults about Veronica, and further misadventures with friends.  He also treats the world to an impression of Notorious B.I.G., the story of his recent car accident, how to handle a guido, and what it’s like to go to the movies with Andrew.

It hasn’t.

The longer I work in any field directly in contact with the customers being served, the more my patience is pulled thin. I can no longer assume that it will be a 90/10 split between the agreeable and the aggravating buyers; it has become the exact opposite. People have increasingly become less patient as I have continued in my effort to bring “customer satisfaction”. Despite the laundry list of speeches and paperwork given to each of these knuckle draggers, there always seems to be a new way hat they try to get something for free.

Take, for instance, a company I went to today. I was told that I needed to provide a service, tried to provide said service, and the product I was sent out with was faulty. Not my fault. According to them, it was. Not only was I the whipping boy for how many times my company has screwed them over, I think the two women badgering me were on their periods, so it made it even better. After listing to their tirade, and eventually having them chose another company to provide the service, I come to find out that this company hasn’t been paying my company for any of the previous work we have provided them. That’s right, I got bitched out by a bunch of people who don’t know how to pay their bills.

Another great example of people’s stupidity would be in the following story. I recently went out to a woman’s house to repair her vehicle’s glass. Before even beginning to work on this woman’s car, I hand her paperwork that explains the process and how each time the work is done, the results may vary. The woman seems unfazed by this and even says that she has had this done before. She signs the paperwork and I begin my work. The job comes out beautiful and the customers is pleased with the result. Two days later, my manager receives a notice from corporate that this customer has called our complaint line and said that “he [I] wasn’t working on that side of my vehicle, but now there’s a mark that was’t there before”. This is not a joke. The customer even said that I was no where near where this new mark was, yet she took the time of day to call our corporate line and express her concern.

As Ron White says: “You can’t fix stupid…’

Instagram- This app has blown up since people don’t use cameras anymore and just take pictures with their phones. It allows you to add silly old-timey, black-and-white, or border effects, among others, to pictures as you take them. So, everyone and their mother is adding tints and shadings to pictures that are otherwise uninteresting and plastering them all over the internet. This app is so cool, in fact, that Facebook decided to buy it out for a billion dollars. That’s right. A BILLION. Facebook threw a million dollars at this so that wannabe hipsters can continue these pseudo-artsy-fartsy shenanigans.

Pictures of cats- If I could find the person who came up with this most annoying of memes (goddamn, I hate having to use that word), I would push them off a cliff. There is nothing more annoying than those pictures of smiling cats with purposely misspelled captions. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and if you think it is, you’re an idiot. No, you can’t haz a cheezburger you silly feline fuck.

That’s all I have for now. Until next time. Knock this shit off.

If I ever want to shop in a store without being asked by an employee if I need help every six seconds, I go to Walmart.  No one ever offers to help me there.

I hate the phrases “bromance” and “frenemies” and I’m going to say so right now.

Instead of having unpolished nude cell phone photos “leaked” online, why don’t these young actresses sign a $30 million contract to do some nude scenes in a big movie while covered in makeup to make them look flawless?  Hey, if their ass looks great enough, audiences will shell out money for the DVD as well, meaning the actress will earn even more off the back end (see what I did there?).

Even though I’ve never seen an episode of Mad Men, I would really like to hang out with Jon Hamm.  It makes no sense.

As of today, a man alleged Justin Bieber “physically battered” him for taking photos of him while out shopping.  Anyone who would claim to be assaulted by Justin Bieber should be placed in a circle surrounded by a crowd of people pointing and laughing at him for several weeks, with rotating shifts of pointers and laughers if need be.  I’m pretty sure Bieber would lose a fight with an infant.  Just chalk him up to being forgettable and simply forget about him, even if he intentionally poked you in the eye.  Then this national nightmare can be over.

Running Amuck In Boston is an upcoming documentary from TheOnlyPodcast.com.  Our seven heroes travel from New Jersey to Boston for a photo shoot.  This behind the scenes footage will give you an inside look at life on and off the road with the stars of The Only Podcast That Matters.

Stay tuned to the site for updates on this film in the coming weeks!

P.S. Make sure you change the playback quality on the video to HD for a more intense experience!

Three of The Warriors are (literally) one short as they chat about what’s going on in the world such as the debate over gay marriage, karaoke game shows, the public embarrassment of Bret Michaels and John Travolta, and the endless struggles of aging women.  Jack mocks Hulk Hogan, Andrew looks out for Whitney’s daughter, and Chris’ heart gets broken by commercials.

Nope, did that already….

…………What about driving?

Nah, did that too…….

Shit, what the fuck am I gonna write?

Uh…. Uh…..

Hey, did you ever notice…. No, no, that sounds too much like “Save a tweet…”

Fuck.

Oh well. I guess I’ll just go back to ripping down panels at Taggart’s house. It helps with relieve stress.

ANDREW SMASH!!!!

I hate when people feel they’re entitled to something before everyone else, when in fact they’re not any more special than the person next to them.  This is never more evident than in the checkout lines in stores.  I don’t understand how people can shop for hours on end and when it comes to checking out at the counter, their time is all of a sudden more valuable than the person next to them and they need to checkout right away.  It infuriates me, especially since I’m the one who has to hear this incessant whining and complaining.

People throw fits, shout complaints at the top of their lungs, stand by you until you get other lanes open and do other things that assholes who shop normally do.  Here’s an idea: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WAIT YOUR GODDAMN TURN!  Yeah, I know it’s annoying and trust me people in retail don’t like having only three registers open during peak periods of people traffic, but your complaining is only gonna get store employees more fed up to the point where they want to strangle you.  That’s right, strangle you!  Think Homer Simpson.  Yeah, that bad.  Maybe just maybe the asshole in front of you who has seven kids and decided to buy an entire new wardrobe and pantry of food should have displayed some common courtesy and let you go first since you’re buying a bottle of ketchup, but then again common courtesy is a thing of relics.

Believe me, store employees want you out of the store just so they never have to see your disgruntled, unappreciative face ever again.  They get as many people on register so they can get you the fuck out, just to stop your bitching.  No one wants to wait in line, I get it.  I don’t either.  Sometimes places like a theme park, a store, a movie theater, and various other public places have waiting times, and you can’t help it.  Just shut the fuck up and wait your turn.  Maybe you should have planned better and not decided to join the conglomerate of assholes who all decided to shop at one time.  Usually on a bright sunny day too.  Which I don’t understand why people all shop when it’s beautiful outside, but that’s another story for another time.

Shut up, take a number and have a great day.

There are too many things in this world that piss me off and keep me from being the totally easy-going guy I want to be on a daily basis.

For starters, I wish someone would load Nicki Minaj into a torpedo tube and blast her into outer space. The question was recently posed to me whether she or Justin Bieber pisses me off more. I’m not a fan of Justin Bieber. However, in her relatively short time in the spotlight, Minaj annoys me more than a thousand Justin Biebers ever could.

I hate customers with a fiery, untamed passion. They’re the worst kind of people. I’d like to think that I’m not nearly as annoying when I’m on the other side of the counter.

Some drunk person pooped on someone’s porch in Point Pleasant and now the town voted to have the bars close at midnight instead of 2 am. That will be more of a disaster than that one incident could have ever been.

Pedestrians should never have the right of way. Ever. Traffic should never be held up for someone crossing the street. Motor vehicles are at the top of the food chain on the roads. Don’t even get me started on people on bikes.

Speaking of the roadways, there is a senator who is trying to pass a bill that would eliminate the red light traffic cameras that still seem to multiplying like stoned bunnies on traffic lights near you. I usually hate people whining about civil liberties and invasion of privacy, but if someone wants to end this big brother shit in some little way, by all means, do it. I have personally never received a ticket from one of these automated government fuck tools, but they make me beyond paranoid. Hopefully there will be one less way the government can rape good people out of their money.

Until next time, stay angry.

Fear not, citizens of The World.  I am here to guide you away from some of oblivious behavior you should be rethinking.  Let’s begin, shall we?

You should probably:

Stop trusting your bank too much – Nearly four years ago, our fragile economic bubble burst when people couldn’t pay back money which was lent to them.  Banks had to be bailed out and we had the privilege of being the ones who helped them.  Meanwhile, when you put your money in a bank account, it costs you money to get it back.  Whether it’s ATM fees, minimum balance requirements, or a check imaging fee (what the hell is that, exactly?), banks charge YOU to use your own money.  It’s ridiculous.  All in all, you’re probably better off tucking cash under your mattress.

Stop criticizing celebrities for their political views – We’ve all heard celebrities speak about their political views and thoughts on hot button issues, but we seem to have less tolerance when it comes to their opinion compared to the “every man’s” opinion.  The truth is they live on this planet too, so they can speak about what’s wrong with politics and the environment just as much as you can.  Think they don’t know enough about the issue they’re yacking about?  Neither do most people you run into.  But guess what?  They can all vote whether they have the knowledge or not.  But rather than go into that, maybe we should…

Stop trusting the government to fix problems they created – This is the ultimate definition of irony.  They can’t fix the messes they put us in.  So let’s move on to why it might also be wise to…

Stop considering celebrities to be role models – Let’s face it: you don’t want your child looking up to most of them anyway, so stop telling them what they shouldn’t do or say for fear of it influencing young people.  That’s what parenting was invented long before fame.  A celebrity who snorts lines of coke off the asses of teenage hookers should not be encouraged to give that up to tell children to attend college and earn a degree.  They get no credit if your kid ends up on the Dean’s List, so they shouldn’t be blamed if your kid grows up to be a loser.  Actually, while we’re already considering disappointment, you can save a little of that if you…

Stop using your DVR when you miss a prime time show – DVRs are great, but thanks to the internet, the conclusion of every one-hour drama is ruined immediately via Google, Facebook, and Twitter.  And let’s not even talk about the misfortune of people living in the Central or Pacific time zones.  Just avoid using the internet altogether until you catch up on your shows.  The web is here to ruin all the best things in the world, so unplug once in a while.

However, make sure you plug back in by next Monday where I will close out this themed month by giving you my latest batch of Random Thoughts.  TTFN.

Andrew and Chris discuss the music which brings back their best and worst memories, and even some that causes irrational bedroom behavior.

It’s time for an explanation of the world as told through Ryan’s twisted perception.  Join Chris, Jimmy, and Cory as they ask the episode’s namesake his thoughts on gamers, wrestling, movie stars, Michael Bay, political apathy, anime, and his latest man-crush: Sammy Hagar.

I get it, you love your pet. Whether its a dog, cat, or even your husband (in some women’s minds), pet ownership and love is a great thing and has been shown to reduce stress and prolong one’s life.

But…

That doesn’t give you free reign to bring said pet everywhere. I don’t give a fuck how small and cute it looks in its papoose/stroller/handbag/fake vagina, its goddamn annoying when I see you shopping for produce and your little bit of nature on a leash is licking the products. You don’t need to bring it everywhere, unless its a seeing eye dog, in which case, what are you doing shopping/driving/walking down Route 9 anyway?

If you want to bring you tiny terror out (unless we’re talking about your kid, if so, see this), there are parks and establishment that can fulfill your desire. But if you intend to bring them anywhere else, please reconsider.

What do I do with that extra time?  The days before having a smart phone I’d either sit in my car and listen to a CD while people walked by and probably wondered what I was doing just sitting there.  Or if I was headed to a restaurant I’d go and put my name in for the table my friends and I would sit at, who weren’t there or running late themselves.  I’d just sit there, either impatiently waiting for someone to come and at least keep me some company or would flip through the three apps on my cell phone to make it look like I was busy.  All I had were recent calls, text messaging and my calendar.  Again I don’t know how I got along without a smart phone.

So now I cut time pretty close.  I try not to cut it too close especially if I know others will be waiting, but I hate being the first one to arrive.  It just annoys me.  Ironically the only time I’m not late or even somewhat mind being there first is going to the movies.  I never ever have walked into a movie late, because I’d rather wait for the next showing in two to three hours than miss anything of the film.  I even get bothered by missing some previews, depending on what I missed.

Anyway for those who wait on me and I’m late, I am sorry if it bothers you.  I’ll try better.  As far as getting to work on time, I’m working on it.  Just ask Chris about that one. 

I am in the middle of the most stressful and exciting time of my life: the purchase of my first house. Over the past few months, there have been obstacles, setbacks and a brilliant stroke of luck. I jumped through hoops like a circus animal in order to obtain a mortgage, tracing every penny I have to my name, proving where my money came from and where it was going. I drowned in a sea of bank statements, gift letters, legal documents, and dropped thousands of dollars in the process. I had to cancel credit cards, and limit spending to nothing but food and gas. Aside from that, my mortgage rep saw nothing but fast food on my checking account statements and knows that I’m a fatass. Great.

However, I made it through the ordeal, made it to the closing and signed dozens of documents, four times each. I finally got into the house and began the work that needs to be done. I spent today ripping down the hideous 70′s-style paneling that lined the bedroom walls. I battled splinters, nails, and ants. When the dishwasher is turned on, the lights flicker in the kitchen. On the shelves in each of the bedrooms there are bibles, crucifixes and statues of the Virgin Mary. They were left behind, along with a grill, the fridge, and wall-mounted paper towel dispenser (that’s totally awesome). It’s a fixer-upper, without a doubt, but it’s mine. I finally did it. It hasn’t quite set in yet that I own a home, and probably won’t until I move in, weeks from now. So many plans are in the making for this house, and I can’t wait until they all come to light. It’s finally time to start a new chapter.

1. Kraft singles are not, and never will be, real cheese. I don’t care how much milk they’re made with and how much kids love them, they are just shiny orange rubber.  If you only eat Kraft singles, you are proving to the Universe that you, in fact, actually hate cheese.

2. Everything Kevin James does is crap. Yes, even Hitch.  I’m sure he’s laughing all the way to the bank having played the henpecked fat guy for the bulk of his career, but we all get it, and so does the Universe.  When an actor’s only joke is his weight, no matter what he says on screen, HE is the joke.

3. A posted “speed limit” is actually the “speed minimum.”  Everyone should drive at least the speed on these signs, if not grossly faster than them.  The Universe understands we have places to go, so we are expected to get there faster.  If you drive ten miles-per-hour less than the posted speed limit (like Jack), you will be passed and mocked.  Forever.

4. Chocolate is the only food which is delicious at all temperatures.  The Universe has blessed us with the versatility of the cocoa bean, which provides us with many variations and calories all year long.  Cold ice cream, room temperature candy bars, and hot cocoa vary greatly in temperature but are all equal in enjoyment.  You can’t exactly say the same for prunes.

5. The film version will always be different from its source material.  If you want to see the full story represented somewhere, you’ll have to use your imagination.  That’s why the Universe gave us one; it wanted to silence fans’ criticism of the arts.  Whether a movie is based on a book, a video game, or if it’s a remake of an older or foreign film, it will always be different.  Every medium has its own format.  Books are several hundred pages, video games take several days, movies run about two hours or so.  Accept it and move along.

Next week, I will tell you the five things you’re doing wrong.  Stay tuned!

I had the joy of watching Marvel’s The Avengers this week, and I am happy to say it was fantastic!  Its top notch action was non-stop and the villain was very thought out.

I will try not spoil anything for those who have not seen the movie.  Avengers pick up a short time after the end of Thor, around when Captain America was thawed out of ice.  Loki, the villain from Thor, is back and he is threatening the earth.  The only hope is for the Avengers to assemble and save the day.  Joss Whedon does a great job making the movie very entertaining when action isn’t happening.  The character interactions are top notch as is the acting.  I would go so far as to say Whedon took what Favreau did with Tony Stark and took him a step further!  While I know some people might complain how there was not enough of this character or that one, I thought it was a perfect mix for the time limits they had.  I will say that the Hulk will get a lot of new fans from this movie and hopefully it will translate into another movie for him.  The plot was not very complicated.  This is great when you have so many little subplots with so many characters.  The movie did something that I absolutely love with super hero movies in that it introduces the main villain early and has a few confrontations before the big finale.  Too often, you don’t see the main villain until the last scenes and you don’t get a good rivalry feeling from the hero and villain.

Overall, I highly recommend this movie to everyone.  It is the best super hero movie I have seen so far or at least right up there is Daredevil…I am kidding I mean The Dark Knight.  I am thrilled to give this movie 5 out of 5 coconuts.  Oh yeah, make sure you stay through the entire credits there are two extra scenes: one half way and one at the very end.

Three friends head to a cabin (in the woods) for some peace or quiet.  Will they get it?

Head over to the YouTube channel for chills, thrills, and whatever else the boys have in store for you in their latest movie.

Yup, this one is all about money.  The guys banter about all sorts of dealings with finances, from the complications of credit to outrageous overdrafts to the mystery of investing, but not before they recount the simple days of spending pocket change on bubble gum and baseball cards.

Would someone please enlighten me on why everyone is so fascinated with zombies? Movies, countless video games, books, and even TV have all caught the bug; but I really can’t see what the big deal is. Unless you’re talking about zombies with different mutations, a la Left 4 Dead, the vast majority of these monsters are all the same breed: mindless husks of their former human selves, craving human flesh. Yawn.

Aside from what I mentioned before, the only redeemable quality I see in zombies is killing them. Wasting hundreds of moving corpses with a mini gun sounds great, but it would eventually get boring (and you will run out of ammo).

Bring on the vampires, werewolves, hell, even the Creature from the Black Lagoon sounds more interesting. Zombies? I don’t need movies to see those, I just look around at the shuffling masses headed to their dead end jobs and realize we’re already there.

There’s something to be said on how awesome a weapon like that is.  Anyone can pull a gun on someone or draw a knife, but with one of these you can hit someone from such a distance that they wouldn’t know what hit them or what that sharp stick is that just pierced part of their body.  There’s a heightened set of skills that are required to fire a bow and arrow, a cross bow or any other similar man made weapon of the sort.  Chances are I don’t possess and of these skills and would most likely hit the wrong person, myself or completely screw up the entire shot with a bow and arrow.  Still, the intrigue to fire one has been amplified after all the films I’ve seen.

I’d love to see police forces and the army have an archer on standby for emergency situations.  If there’s ever a threat where automatic weapons are too risky, call in the dude with the cross bow or the bow and arrow.  That will teach someone to rob a bank or create some other hostile situation.  Now try to pull the arrow out of your neck fucker.  Hopefully this comes true, but until then we always have the movies and…..duck!

I am a huge fan of the relatively recent child-free movement that has risen in public places, popularly known as “brat bans”. I don’t like many things, and screaming, obnoxious ankle-biters are no fucking exception. There are few things more irritating than a misbehaved, crying child, especially one who is not being controlled by their parents. Restaurants, grocery and department stores, movie theaters and other establishments have had to suffer through temper tantrums, tears, screaming, and broken merchandise I’m sure because of ill-behaved rugrats. A note to parents out there- start training your kids like you would a dog, or don’t bring them out in public. Childless people, even couples are tired of hearing your spawn scream their heads off because you won’t buy them something or because little Johnny pulled little Susie’s hair. When people go to the movies, to dinner, or even to shop, they like to do so in peace. The world is now listening. Some airlines have imposed bans on young children in first class, and many restaurants, movie theaters and department stores are following suit. This is nothing short of awesome. Many parents are enraged by this, as they claim it is difficult to find a babysitter for just a couple hours. While I find it hard to believe that you can’t find SOMEBODY in your life that can watch your brat for a couple hours, what you impose upon the ears and sanity of others when you bring your banshee of a child out in public is just selfish. I hope this movement continues to spread, like the ebola virus. Good day.

For the month of May, I’ve decided to do a cheesy tie-in here on the Rants blog.  Since May is the fifth month of the year and I enjoy lists which include five items,…well, you get it.  A list of five things I find necessary to bring to your attention will be posted each week during this month.  We’ll kick off with Five Classic 80s Films You Might Have Missed, a list of must-see movies which may not be on the radar of the average bear, listed in no particular order.

Summer School (1987) – A typical high schooler may recognize Marc Harmon as the gray-haired guy from NCIS, but once upon a time, he made a successful foray into comedy.  Harmon plays a gym teacher who is Hawaii-bound as the last bell of the year rings, only to be cornered on his way out and forced into teaching remedial English during summer school.  As a kid, I always hoped to grow up to be as cool and witty as Harmon’s Freddy Shoop.  I’d like to think I’ve come part way there by now.  I’m not going to outline to entire movie for you, but you can imagine the kind of hilarity which comes when a laid back gym teacher and a bunch of misfits are stuck spending a few weeks together.  Also, if you look really hard, you spot a fit Kirstie Alley.

Bachelor Party (1984) – Few have ever been as hilarious in movies as Tom Hanks was in the 80s.  While The Hangover has become the preeminent bachelor party movie, 25 years before it, Tom and his gang of friends wreak havoc on a hotel while trying to send him off in style.  Everything which can go wrong goes wrong and everything which can go right goes right.  An angry ex, a drugged up donkey, and disdaining in-laws merely scratch the surface of the frenzy packed into this hour and half.  Needless to say, with his charmingly hilarious persona, I also wanted to grow up to be Tom Hanks.

Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983) – Yes, everyone has seen Holy Grail.  Sadly, I come across many people who haven’t seen this movie, the last of the four Python films.  Some feel it falls flat because it doesn’t follow a straight story.  Personally, I like the sketch type of flow the movie has and how they guide you through the progression of life, from getting yanked out of your mother at the hospital (and what a show that is) to a tasteful group death led by the Grim Reaper.  It may even qualify as a musical just as much as a comedy, considering the epic dance numbers and upbeat tunes which pepper the movie.  If you enjoy quick and easy (and gory) laughs which end up tying a film together in the end, makes your eyes take a gander at this one.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) – I always loved comedy teams, and some of the best duo movies were made by Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder.  While I’m also a huge fan of Stir Crazy, it seems everyone has seen that already.  Here’s all you need to know about this movie: Richard Pryor is blind, Gene Wilder is deaf, and they’re running around trying to prove their innocence after getting charged with murder.  Plus, they’re getting chased by Kevin Spacey.  You tell me what part of that doesn’t sound appealing.  I actually watched this with my parents a few weeks ago and had to repeatedly pause the DVD because the two of them were laughing so hard that they were missing the next bit of dialogue.  I’ve seen the movie quite a few times and the jokes never get old for me.  Here’s hoping more actors and writers see all the Pryor/Wilder flicks and finally make some new quality movies with great comedy teams.

Rock ‘n’ Roll High School (1979) – This film might be from the tail end of the 70’s but it helped establish the template for almost every teen comedy for the next decade.  All the future clichés are accounted for in this movie: misunderstood teenagers, controlling authority figures, musical montages, rock concerts, and a killer soundtrack.  Plus, the Ramones being the centerpiece of the movie really pushes this one to classic status for me.  Granted, it has become something of a cult classic since it was produced by Roger Corman, and Ramones fans enjoy the fantasy of the band being so popular during that era.  If you dig teen comedies and exploding mice, there should be nothing stopping you from seeing this movie.

Okay, that’s it.  Next week, I will teach you all about the laws of the universe.

Yes, really.

Get your Ron fix in an episode which features conversations from the cutting room floor of RonCast.  Stories about waxing snowboards, getting blacklisted, and the darker side of a touring chess team have never been more entertaining!

The Summer blockbuster season is now in full swing, so it seems only right for the Warriors to sit and talk about what will be hitting your local mutliplex over the next few months.  Jack guides Chris, Ryan, and Cory through this year’s releases as they all pass judgment on the fate of the Summer cinema (and try choosing an appropriate Wonder Woman).

As discussed last week, I’ve been having a bad time with my allergies. With that comes heavy doses of antihistamines and sinus medication, most of which will make you very tired and sluggish. And some make you have trippy freaking dreams.

One night, about 2 weeks ago, I was suffering bad, so I decided to take some Sinex, Vicks’ version of a sinus decongestant/pressure relief. I fell asleep shortly after, seeing as how the drug is loaded with sleep inducing agents, only to have a strange dream.

See, I normally don’t dream. At all. Shit, half the time, I don’t remember falling asleep. So having a dream at all was weird. But this one focused on my nails, particularly the one on my middle finger, falling out. Not me nibbling them down, not  filing, just falling flat out; as if the “glue” that was holding them in gave.

This kinda weirded me out. Did it mean that I have a fungal infection I didn’t know about? Do I need more calcium in my diet? Or was it something completely unrelated, like my cat was going to die in 3 weeks if I didn’t change something? So I looked it up.

I found nothing.

Polishing nails, long nails, biting nails…. no “nails falling out”. So I gave up being superstitious and just went on my way.

But I still would like to know if it supposed means anything.

With all his ranting and raving over the last few years, I still like Mel Gibson.  He’s one of the finest actors of the last 30 plus years with great film after great film.  He’s a brilliant actor starring in everything from historical dramas, Shakespeare, romantic comedies, and the greatest buddy cop series ever made along with a slew of other awesome action movies.  Not to mention, he’s funny in just about every film he’s been in.  Well, maybe not all of them, but enough.

For years I never thought anything less of Mel Gibson other than being a good guy.  He was likable, made people laugh, and seemed to have the world as his oyster.  Then in 2004, “The Passion of the Christ” was released and everything changed overnight.  People took his passion for this project as insanity and he became public fodder for his religious beliefs and the way he interprets his stories on the big screen.  Over the period of a few years, he became more and more blackmailed by the public and audiences everywhere, and I never understood why.  Just because a guy is public with what he believes and is telling a story that might not make select groups of people look favorable, doesn’t mean he’s a bigot.  I don’t believe the man made this movie to alienate other religions, but to tell the story as it was told in the Bible.  Whether you agree with this or any other religion is irrelevant.  He’s telling a story the way it was interpreted.

Ever since then people have just given Gibson a bad rap for no reason.  He suddenly became everyone’s target and was blacklisted by Hollywood.  The man is no saint and has his demons just as much as any actor in Hollywood probably does, so why is he the one getting all the tabloids to try to ruin his reputation?  Why is it that every time there is a Mel Gibson story on shows like Entertainment Tonight, Extra and the other umpteen entertainment shows that report the same shit, only target the negative about him.  If he’s got a new movie coming out no one reports on that, but if he yelled at someone on set the headline reads “Gibson Has Meltdown” or “Mad Mel Strikes Again.”

Recently this happened where he yelled at someone on the phone in the privacy of his own home, who was supposed to write a script for him but never delivered it at all.  18 months ago, Gibson hired a writer for a historical epic that he was signed on to direct with Warner Bros. Pictures.  14 months go by and the guy hasn’t even drafted a page.  Any human being in any business would be pissed off royally and rip the person a new one for slacking and not fulfilling their commitment.  The only difference is it’s Mel Gibson and he’s done this before so he’s automatically still a bad guy.  Did people not think the real crime was recording Gibson, knowing that he would most likely go on a tirade with his short temper?  Gibson put it best last week while on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, saying I kinda thought that was illegal to record it and make it public for personal gain, but just because it’s me it’s okay for some reason.  Gibson wasn’t wrong, this asshole lazy writer was for not only recording Gibson, but not fulfilling his commitment in the first place.  Gibson is wrong for having a temper though?  Give me a break.

Sure Mel Gibson may have a temper and some demons, but he’s not a bad person.  He’s a great actor that continues to make great films, and does an incredible job of bringing stories to life.  Even if you’re not religious or don’t have an interest in his kinds of films, you can’t deny they’re incredibly epic with masterful story telling and detailed imagery.  I can’t wait to see his new film, “Get The Gringo” very soon as well as continue to support Gibson in all his movie making efforts.  I suggest you all do the same and don’t listen to the media.  To sum it all up, here’s a quote from Gibson’s character Martin Riggs in “Lethal Weapon”:

“I don’t make things difficult. That’s the way they get, all by themselves.”

The other night, my girlfriend and I were watching the TV show Strange Sex, which is a show that revolves around uncommon fetishes and sexual deviance. The “best of” episode that we watched highlighted many odd and downright disgusting things, such as a man who derived sexual pleasure from feeding his girlfriend and watching her balloon up to 600 pounds, a man my age who seeks dates from women old enough to be his grandmother, and very painful piercings on sexual organs. Perhaps the strangest story of them all, however, was the widespread sexual fascination with balloons. Called “looners”, there are people who find balloons to be very sexy and turn themselves on by blowing up a balloon as big as it can get without having it pop. The episode depicted one particularly fat man who grew up afraid of balloons and the startling sound they make when popped, but then eventually grew to become sexually charged while blowing up balloons. He even admitted to pleasuring himself while blowing up balloons and having a mini-orgasm when they popped. I can’t even describe to you the ridiculous squeal he would let out when the balloon popped in his face. He went to a club where other balloon lovers danced around, blowing up and popping the party decorations all night. It sounds like a kids party, but these are grown-ass adults. If only there were a way to deliberately invoke natural selection, it isn’t working fast enough.

The Summer movie season kicks off this Friday with the release of Marvel’s The Avengers, along with our latest installment of FilmCast (somewhat predictably).  From May 4^th until early August, you can see explosions and CG galore at your local multiplex.  While the Summer movie season has always been the bread and butter of the movie business, it is also a time when large amounts of cash are sunken into movies which are facing off against each other on a weekly basis.  Franchises can be either made or broken during these intense few months.  When they are broken or fail to launch, ludicrous amounts of money can be lost.

Why the hell do movies cost so much?  Granted, none of the budgets from the majority of upcoming films have been made public, but we all know these big extravaganzas cost around $200 million.  It is style over substance every Summer, and while some of my site cohorts complain how I don’t give many movies a chance, frankly, I’m looking for more than slow-motion running and buildings collapsing in what I choose to watch.

A common flaw in Hollywood appears to be the belief that cost equals quality.  I don’t believe this for a second.  If that were the case, why did almost every Adam Sandler movie of the last ten years cost no less than $75 million?  Perhaps I’m even more baffled by how many people actually went to see those movies, but I digress.  Plenty of comedies, in particular, cost far less to produce and yield huge returns for the studios.  Bridesmaids cost just over $30 million to make and ended up making over $280 million worldwide.  Knocked Up cost nearly as little, and took in almost $220 million worldwide.  What about The Hangover?  $35 million to make, earned $467 million worldwide.  These three examples were a massive return on investment for their respective studios, and the movies have held up for the audiences as well.  Personally, I’ve watched Bridesmaids four times in the last month because it is hysterical.  Compare that to the $82 million budget of a scab like Sucker Punch where one viewing was more than enough.  Make sense?

The problem with a successful film is it usually gets turned into a franchise, which means a bloated budget.  Take The Hangover Part II.  That film cost $80 million, and it’s basically the same movie set in a different location.  Sure, it made loads of money, but couldn’t it have cost a little less?  Directors can run into this problem as well.  Following the success of Knocked Up, Judd Apatow went on to make Funny People, which cost $75 million and made less than that worldwide.  Is it that lightning never strikes the same place twice?  Possibly, but I’d like to think this was also Adam Sandler’s fault.

Pardon the pun, but my money says make quality films with a reasonable budget and people will go see them and/or buy them.  That’s all we really want anyway.  Why sink $250 million into John Carter?  Give the underdog some money and let them crank out something people will want to watch for years to come.  All that ends up costing you is use of your common sense.

If you’re curious about some of my thoughts on the 2007 sequel boom, check out my original incarnation of Rants over here!

You’ve seen a snippet of it on Lost and Found; now Jack and Andrew bring you a full blown Macho Madness video! Take a stroll over to the boys YouTube page and watch the latest addition to our visual domination.

In this five-piece episode, the boys whip random questions of varying depth at each other, ranging from choosing a superpower to anonymously assaulting a celebrity.  Metal Jimmy kills his inner hate, Chris rids the world of gratuitous 3D, Cory costars in a buddy cop film, Ryan controls everyone, and Jack decides whether or not to save a doctor from certain death.

You’ve read my rants about them before, and its high time this year for another.

The last month has been a brutal one for myself and my fellow sufferers. The pollen counts have been through the roof here in the Garden State; so much so that people without allergies (like my wife) are now experiencing  what we have felt all this time. For most people, I feel sorry for them. Allergies are a bane and I wish there was a genetic whitewash that could be administered. However, there are those people that still feel that we sufferers just need to “tough it out”. To those individuals, I say unto thee:

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

We’ve been “toughing it out” for years, some of us for our whole lives. Allergies are not a garden variety cold that you can just swig some DayQuil and be done with. Allergies suck and there isn’t a product on the market, that I’ve found, that will eliminate the laundry list of symptoms without putting the user in a zombie-like state. Hell, I’ve gotten so used them that I just go to work while having a full blown attack. Rather get paid to suffer then sit home and make no money.

One of my coworkers uttered aloud his thought process on allergies. He believes that we shouldn’t take any drugs or relief giving devices and just let our immune systems do the work. Hey jackass, what do you think allergies are?  They’re our immune system going berserk over  stupid shit that shouldn’t matter. I wanted to slap him.

Next time you see one of us sneezing, don’t automatically assume we have the Flu, or some other dumb cold, just offer a tissue. Unless the individual enjoys the taste of snot as it runs down his face into his mouth.

For those who don’t know, Brock Lesnar has returned to the WWE with a vengeance.  For those who don’t know who Brock Lesnar is, he’s a 2 time NCAA National Wrestling Champion, a three time WWE Champion and a former UFC Heavyweight Champion.  Not to mention one of the most physically imposing people I’ve seen anywhere at 6’7″, 300 lbs.  He’s the definition of a monster.  He’s got unbelievable speed, agility and strength that puts any athlete to shame in any sport.

Brock became a star in WWE 10 years ago when he first debuted and ran roughshod over the roster.  In four months he was WWE Champion and headlined WrestleMania in his first year alone.  He became a top star beating the likes of The Rock, Undertaker, Kurt Angle, John Cena and Big Show.  He was dubbed “The Next Big Thing” in wrestling, and boy was that an understatement.  Two years later, he left the WWE and pursued other athletic outlets such as playing for the Minnesota Vikings and eventually transitioning to mixed martial arts into the UFC.  Now eight years later, Brock has returned home to the WWE, where he got his first shot at mega stardom.  The night after WrestleMania XXVIII, rumors were running rampant that Lesnar would arrive.  At 11 p.m. that Monday night, he did and made an immediate impact with John Cena’s entire body being slammed to the mat with his signature manuever, the F5.

As a fan, Lesnar’s return is something any WWE fan thought they’d never see.  He didn’t leave the company on good terms back in 2004 and had a subsequent lawsuit that followed about the negotiations of his contract.  As a fan, I’m excited to see Lesnar compete again.  The two years he spent in WWE were awesome, and it’s great to have those memories shown again on television.  Had he stayed, the landscape and the last eight years in WWE would be completely different.  Would a guy like John Cena be as big a star had the WWE been Lesnar’s playground?  Chance are yes, but it makes you wonder what could have been.

This Sunday on Pay-Per View, Lesnar picks up where he left off eight years later taking on the biggest star in the industry today, John Cena.  I hope to see re-kindled feuds with not just Cena, but Undertaker, The Rock, Big Show and several others.  I also look forward to seeing matches against Randy Orton, Sheamus, and CM Punk.  Hell, I want to see him work with everybody on the main roster.  F5′s for all!  That’s one more thing I missed.  The awesomeness of that finisher still sends chills down my spine.  I can’t wait to see what the future holds for WWE with Lesnar’s return.  Here comes the pain indeed!

Ketchup is arguably the best condiment in the world (even though honey mustard is a fairly close second in my book. It is versatile, delicious and deserves all the heralds that can be given to a topping or ingredient of any sort. It goes perfectly with chicken, burgers, potatoes, eggs and hot dogs (yes, hot dogs- this is not tantamount to blasphemy or communism, despite unpopular opinion). Pouring it from a glass bottle is an artform, and the farting noise a squeeze bottle makes is even entertaining. I do have a bone to pick with ketchup packets, however, as they are the most inefficient and wasteful vessel in which this awesome topping is brought to us. You never know how many packets you need, and you end up having to use several handfuls of them just to get a decent amount on your plate. Bottles are the way to go when it comes to this god of the condiment world. Ketchup is a main ingredient in barbeque and cocktail sauces (which are awesome, of course), and may even have some health benefits. Lycopene, commonly found in the mighty tomato, is a powerful antioxidant (and anyone who knows me knows how I feel about antioxidants). I’ve even gotten my ass kicked by ketchup on several occasions, and they were the best ass-kickings I’ve ever received.

Ketchup is great, and so were the last two minutes of your life, which you will never get back. You’re welcome. Over and out.

While I appreciate how modern country music (renamed “cowpop” by yours truly) is the only place you can currently find big stage shows and guitar solos in damn near every song, the Kenny Chesney/Tim McGraw teaming for the song “Feel Like A Rock Star” is just silly.  First of all, they’re country stars.  I guess that title wouldn’t have the same image to it.  Second of all, it’s a cheese-laden track which tries to make you feel better about your job and doing whatever makes you feel good in your off hours.

All the cowpop clichés in this song: country miles, leaving it in your truck, taking it in your boot, dirt, and lame rhymes like “juice in the goose.”  If you think that’s bad, the line “pimped up hangin’ in the VIP” is sure to make you cringe.  I find it hilarious how country guys all want to be rock guys.  What the hell is stopping them?  Take off the lame hat, trade your Telecaster for a Strat, and crank it up as loud as you can!

If someone wrote a song called “Country Star” and used these two as a template, would there be lyrics about flying to your private island or multi-million dollar ranch?  Not likely, since country stars don’t have quite the same appeal as the “rock star” stereotype.  No wonder they need to attempt some kind of crossover.

Perhaps I’m being too literal, but throwing the term “rock star” around is a real snub to the bona fide rock heroes.  Just because you drink a lot or smoke cigarettes or kick back when you’re not working doesn’t mean you earn a moniker which should be reserved for true stars.  Stop diluting the definition of “star,” Tim and Kenny.  Reality TV is already doing plenty of damage to it.

I recently watched Wrath of the Titans and while I was not extremely excited about seeing it, I was very curious and hoped it was better than the first.  It wasn’t.

One of the biggest things I was looking for in the movie was Titans and there were none.  I mean if you are going to advertise in the title “Titans” with an “S” I would hope for more than just one.  That one titan was very cool and impressive but, like most movies these days, he was only in the last 20 minutes.

The 3D was actually very good.  It was not a 2D movie which was later converted to 3D like the first one.  During actions scenes the visuals jump right out at you and really immersed you in the action.  While the more dramatic scenes needed very little 3D effects, you could almost not tell the difference with glasses on or without.

The plot is where the movie fell very short.  It had a great idea but lost steam as soon as the movies started.  Perseus is asked to help save the world by saving Zeus from the clutches of Hades who is trying to release the Titan(s), but it introduces several characters and does not really develop them at all.  Everything seems way too rushed and sometimes makes no sense.  In one scene, our heroes are traveling there way through a maze to only come upon a “boss” after the boss; magically, they are out of the maze.  I know the maze was a cool feature where the visuals where impressively shown off but, come on, they could have at least took a few turns to get out.  The plot sucked.

Overall I give Wrath of the Titans 2 out 5 coconuts.  If you’re just looking for a visual treat, I would highly recommend this movie.  If you want a mythical world filled with the gods verse the titans with great drama, character development and great story telling, you are looking in the wrong place.  I would recommend Immortals, which is such a better movie.

…at least until Sony inevitably makes the God of War movie!

To celebrate the fifth annual Record Store Day, Chris and Dan chat about what music stores mean to them, how their affection for shopping for albums shaped their early days as music fans, and their hope for the survival of record stores.  Now go buy some vinyl!

Weeks following the highest grossing Pay Per View event in WWE history, our group sits down once again to discuss all things wrestling.  Andrew hates on last year’s WrestleMania, Cory praises the new generation of stars, Veronica defends a show stopping icon, and Jack, much like last years episode, knows everything about the squared circle.  FINALLY….The Only Podcast That Matters presents WrestlingCast II.  Yes!  Yes!  Yes!

I don’t care much for the flack I’m going to get for the title because, after reading the complete article I’m quoting, you’ll agree with me.

 Verna McClain told her fiance she had given birth to their child. But after she suffered a miscarriage, authorities said, she went looking for another baby to present to him.

You know what this lunatic did? She killed another woman and took her baby so she could show it to her fiance. This psycho waited outside a pediatrician’s office for a mother (Kala Golden) to walk out and place her baby (3 days old) in the car. Verna then shot Kala multiple time before snatching the baby and driving away; all while Kala was screaming  ”My baby!” and leaning into Verna’s car trying to grab her child back.

What the fuck? You can’t blame hormones or PMS this time ladies. This woman is just insane.

The best part? She already has 3 kids from an estranged husband. I repeat: What the fuck?

And, not to make this racist, but Verna is a black woman; Kala and her child are white.  So…. how was she (Verna) going to explain to her man that the baby she supposed had came out that color?

You can get the full story here and you can see a picture of Kala here.

I have no further words.

Since getting a satellite radio with my new car a couple of months ago, I’ve had the pleasure of listening to my favorite genres of music on specific channel.  I’ve have yet to use my car’s CD player and refuse to listen to the local rock stations, as they’ve quietly set aside the classic rock I love for the inane grumblings of new metal and emo-rock bands.  Gone are the days of listening to local stations filled with an overabundance of commercials for car dealerships and sandwich shops as well as waiting to hear a song you want to hear while suffering through songs you’d rather puncture your eardrum to.

Still, even with the greatness of satellite radio, there are some songs I hear over and over again on a near daily basis to witch I start having symptoms of musical torrettes syndrome where I flip the channels over and over until I find something I remotely like.  It usually brings me back to the channel I originally wanted, only to hear the last few seconds of the song I didn’t want to hear in the first place.  Typically since I listen to the 80s station (there’s a big fucking shock) it’s usually me waiting to hear the end of some awful Culture Club or Wham song, or something off of Bon Jovi’s “Slippery When Wet” or Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album, to which I’ve grown excruciatingly tired of listening to, in favor of music I don’t hear as often on the radio, but want to.

Hearing a good song on the radio first thing in the morning could also be a blessing and a curse.    While some might think that may be the start of an awesome day, it could end up being just the opposite.  It could either mean this is only the beginning of what will be an awesome day or the fun stops here and I’ve already experienced the highlight of my day at 7:30 a.m.  I’ve had this happen to me ever since I’ve been old enough to drive.  Yes, I know I could just listen to a CD or iPod, but sometimes I don’t have them readily available with me and the radio must suffice.  Sometimes you’ve just got to gamble with what you’ll hear and be really skilled at changing the channel.

While I enjoy the pleasures of satellite radio, there are some drawbacks that have transitioned from regular radio stations.  Yes, the commercials are gone, but like I mentioned before some programmers can’t help themselves from playing the same songs over and over and not enough of what I want to hear.  Two of my favorite artists, Richard Marx and Cheap Trick, have only been played a handful of times on several stations since my purchase of my car in September.  Yes, I have their albums, but every so often I love the treat of hearing one of their songs, no matter what one.

Quite frankly, the invention of satellite radio is one of the greatest inventions of the last decade.  I know it’s unrealistic because advertisements keep local radio alive and kicking, but not having to hear anything but music, talk radio, or whatever you prefer is something I’ll never stop finding endless joy in.  I could never listen to a car advertisement again and it would be too soon.  I suggest if you don’t have one, get one, it’s not that expensive.  Even if you are a rabid CD or iPod user in your car, having satellite radio even as a backup, is something that can sustain aural pleasure if all else fails.

It’s been quite a week.

The other night, Chris was called upon to give me a haircut, taking a buzzer to my fairly shaggy mop. Partly on a whim and partly due to peer pressure, Cory decided to get a buzz as well. Mid-cut, we stopped for a photo-op of the mohawk that had temporarily been left on my otherwise close-cropped head. Hilarity ensued. My mom was pretty upset when she saw how short my hair had become, exclaiming “you’re bald!”, and questioning why everyone was getting their heads shaved in her kitchen. It’s hard to stop rubbing your head when your hair is short and fuzzy. It feels better. The breeze feels better. Water feels better. The world feels so different.

I woke up to an email the next morning telling me that Google was to reward me with 800,000£, as my email address had been randomly chosen in a prize drawing. It was clearly a fake prize letter, as the sender was simply named “Jen”, they wanted to me to send my home and personal contact information to some guy in London, and didn’t deem it strange to send a large amount of British money to some kid in New Jersey. Other than that, it looked totally legit.

I’ve been in the process of buying a house for about a month now, and I’m in the final stages of the purchase. Getting a mortgage is a hairy ordeal. All kinds of checks need to be made, hoops need to be jumped through, and money needs to be moved around. Mortgage companies apparently need to know nowadays where their money is coming from. I’ve had to show a paper trail for everything, to prove that my money, whether earned, borrowed, or gifted is clean and legal. You’d think they’d have bigger fish to fry when it comes to this sort of thing, but they have to make sure I’m not washing money through a small 3-bedroom ranch in the suburbs. I spoke to my parents about this and they told me they’ve never had to go through the paper trail games when buying a house. I guess I can thank the crooks on Wall Street for stealing shitloads of money, and the nation’s banks for giving shitloads of money to people who couldn’t afford to pay it back. They destroyed the economy and moderately inconvenienced me. Bastards.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t completely get behind that song “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye. Lyrically, it’s a home run. Very easy to relate to. The chorus is exponentially louder than the verses, which is cool, but the rest is so weird and quirky. The song is blowing up, nobody can stop talking about it, it’s already been done on Glee (dare I say, a better version), and it’s grown on me a bit. I’m just not quite there yet.

My lovely girlfriend Jenn and I went to the boardwalk to win some stuffed animals and failed miserably at the crane games. The crane games are utter bullshit. How does a metal claw that can wrap around a human head manage to drop a small plush doll that probably weighs just a few ounces as soon as it picks it up? The crooks who run the arcades loosen said claws so as to dash your dreams and empty your pockets. More bastards.

I wish I’d stop having that occasional awesome day at work where everything goes right and I make money. It makes me almost forget during that day how utterly disgusted I am the other 98% of the time. It really sucks when you’re making more money than ever to be more miserable than ever.

I’m done for now. Until next week, goodnight, and good luck.

So Guns N’ Roses are now in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Can everybody shut up about a reunion now?

Wait!  Wait!  Let me have my say first…

Frankly, I don’t really care for the Hall of Fame.  The term “rock and roll” doesn’t mean as much when you include Madonna and Beastie Boys in that category.  Pop and rap: yes.  Rock and roll: no.  I love how the Sex Pistols sent a letter declining to be included in the induction ceremony in 2006.  This hall of fame doesn’t mean anything when it’s open to anybody who has played music for over 25 years.  A good idea, but a disappointing institution.

My next question is why is it Green Day was chosen to induct Guns N’ Roses?  I guess all of the band’s peers are either dead or awful (I’m talking to you, Poison) and there really isn’t a direct line from GN’R to any bands which have come along since.  But Green Day?  Really?  That seemed like such a random choice to me.  Plus, Billy Joe didn’t have to refer to Axl Rose as being “the greatest frontman to ever step in front of a microphone.”  That is simply untrue.

Another thing I want to know: did anyone really think the band was going to reunite for this ceremony, of all things?  Hell no!  It would never happen.  That would make a joke of the chaos that was Guns N’ Roses at their peak.  I’m sure it is nice to be honored and all, but there must be better opportunities for this band to play together again.  Doing so just because they’re getting a little statue seems like a lame reason for everyone to suddenly get on stage together again after all the nonsense.

Finally, let’s get down to Axl Rose’s refusal to take part in all of this.  First of all, Axl Rose has always been a brat, and he always will be.  He loves having the control over either an enthused audience or one which riots when he throws a hissy fit and walks out of a show.  He began as a juvenile delinquent in his hometown of Lafayette, IN and continues to try getting attention from people by being a dick (not showing up for concerts, letting the audience wait for hours before taking the stage, et al).  By now, we’ve all read the open letter he wrote to the R&RHOF and while most see it as Axl having his head up his ass, I do agree with his statement that “life doesn’t owe you your own personal happy ending especially at another’s, or in this case several others’, expense.”  I have no doubt the original GN’R lineup has been offered hordes of cash to do a reunion tour.  Hell, somebody probably offered Axl his own planet, which I’m sure he’d be tempted by.  The fact is Guns N’ Roses was a moment in time, a period of years where they made great music and had the world at their feet, but that time is over.  They won’t reunite simply because of money and you have to respect that.  If those five guys can’t work it out, why act like the fans are owed something?  You have your memories, you have the albums, so shut up and be grateful they came along at all.  Let Axl continue touring with his cover band and essentially be another David Lee Roth by riding the wave of his former glory (and we all know how I feel about David Lee Roth).

In semi-related news, as someone who is against people stealing albums online, here’s a hilarious story about a man who tried to illegally download tracks for Slash’s upcoming album.  Maybe it’s unfair, but one man’s mistake will surely make a few people think twice about illegally downloading music.

Okay, NOW everyone can stop talking about the Guns N’ Roses reunion.

Andrew and Chris take a look back at the growth of a monster hair-do in this slideshow presentation. Andrew explains how he grew it for charity, while Chris jests that he took too many pictures in the bathroom. Head over to the boys’ YouTube channel and watch!

The second year of your favorite podcast is already half over, so that means it’s time for another collection of outtakes.  That’s right, 70 more minutes of screw-ups and missteps by the seven Warriors and their various guests.  Everyone stumbles while attempting to start the show, trains of thought derail, and nobody can seem to close the show after babbling on for so long.  Yes, listeners, this is all the stuff you weren’t supposed to hear from episodes 54 through 80.  Proceed with caution.

Remember, if you will, a while back , when the Internet was in an uproar about a highly controversial piece of legislation called SOPA?

Well, aside from what  dumb ass proposed laws Ryan wrote about, the US government has also seen fit to try and go after piracy again; with another poorly constructed bill. This time, its called CISPA. Sounds like a cheerleader rave… ” CIS-boom-PA”. I know. Corny.

Anyway, this bill is an amendment to the National Security Act of 1947, so they can keep an old bill still relevant., since there are no provisions detailing cyber crime.  ”Cyber crime” brings up images of the Terminator and Robocop doesn’t it? Well, it does in my head. The official plan for this bill is so the Government can have “ additional options and resources to ensure the security of networks against attacks and enforce copyright and patents.”  Although, since it is just as badly written as SOPA, there are no defined terms on how and what kind of options the Government will now have. Internet security is a touchy subject, seeing as how millions of us put all of our information on the web. Because of this, the bill has already attracted criticism from groups like the Electronic Frontier Foundation and Avaaz.org.

Now, I was one of the thousands upon thousands of you that signed online petitions to stop SOPA, but looking at this from a different angle (one Maddox brought up), I almost want something this terrible to pass. Only then will all of the computer chair idealists finally have to get up off their collective asses and do something; and by something, I mean more than a dumb ass protest like Occupy [insert street name].

“Protest schemes that don’t cost the participants any inconvenience, hardship or money remain the most popular, despite their ineffectiveness.”

-Snopes (taken from Maddox’s post about SOPA)

For example, a company I applied for at one time said that they were an advertising company that worked in marketing and advertising for home improvement companies to clients.  Okay, I thought, that would be worth a shot applying for.  I had a brief interview and the next day went out with people from the company I applied for to their work site.  It turns out the marketing and advertising they “specialized in” was door to door sales to try to get people to buy new windows and siding for their home, while telling people that their houses were in bad condition and they need replacements immediately.  Pretty sure I didn’t go to school with applying for that job as a top choice.  Also, it’s straight commission too.  Even more reason not to apply.

Most companies on sites like CareerBuilder.com and Monster.com are similar to this monstrosity of a job opportunity if you could call it that.  There is a vague description, with little to no information on what the job actually entails.  Going to some of these companies actual websites are even more of a joke as they look like every single picture taken out of Microsoft PowerPoint 2007 to make the company seem like a “professional establishment” and “progressive environment.”  I guarantee some of these sites have a picture like the one I have below at the bottom of this entry.

The  job usually ends up being sales position instead of actual marketing.  I don’t want sales.  I’m not interested in potentially only making commission as my only source of income, and there is no creativity whatsoever behind sales.  You have to lie through your teeth and try to sell something that you know is total horseshit, just to get a paycheck.  Sorry that’s for not me.  I know a lot of marketing positions involve sales, but I’m not interested in only doing sales.  I want to work in a creative environment, working on a product that I’m passionate about.  If I had to go out and sell it, I’d do it since I’m 100% behind it.  Otherwise, sales are just not my thing.

It’s been really sad looking at job sites, even recently, to find there is absolutely nothing that is available in the career field I’ve chosen.  What’s even worse is that there are millions of people like me that are in this same position.  Most people my age are stuck working retail jobs or doing something else that’s similar, but completely unrelated to what they went to school for.  Still, I’m not ready to settle that this is the best I can do.  Hopefully the economy will be on the up and up soon and jobs that myself and millions of others want will become available.  Until then, paper or plastic?

Alcohol. Tobacco. Firearms. Sugar?

It seems that America’s scientists, health care facilitators and government officials have had enough our fat-assery. Due to a steadily rising percentage of obese Americans, particularly children, many of the aforementioned officials have labeled sugar as “toxic” or a poison and wish to pass legislation making it a controlled substance. That will mean that many sweet substances whose names end in -ose will be heavily taxed and more difficult to acquire. It looks like we may actually see a day when sugar joins the sad fraternity of offenders, such as booze or assault rifles, which have at one time or another been forced underground or into black markets by overzealous lawmakers. Granted, health care costs in our country have been blown sky high because we eat, drink and smoke too much (and are relatively lacking in the physical activity department), but there may be a simpler solution to this crisis. If a person willingly destroys their body with alcohol, tobacco and saturated fat, their health care costs get pushed even higher, or are stripped from them outright. Let them die. Plain and simple. I don’t know what more it will take to make the assholes in charge just let natural selection take its course. Barring the occurrence or contraction of diseases not caused by negligence or self-abuse, health is a choice. We once had freedom in this country, and we should continue to be able to make our own decisions. I guess the “pro-choice” angle doesn’t apply to people who want to pump their guts full of high-fructose corn syrup. The Man will rue the day he tries to take gummy bears and soda away from me.

Perhaps equally troubling are the increasingly draconian legislation, both passed and proposed, concerning the use of cell phones while driving. Let me preface this by assuring that I do not condone texting while driving, and fully acknowledge how dangerous it can be. However, what concerns me are the fascist automotive experts, scientists and lawmakers who want new cars to be installed with a wireless device that completely disables your cell phone once you shift your car into drive. Whether you’re using a Bluetooth device or not, your conversation would have to wait until you got where you were going. This insistence has become absurd and forces us into a face-first slide down this painful and slippery slope. What next? Do we have new cars also disable the radio once you start driving, so that you can’t fiddle with it? Or what about no radios in new cars? Maybe we should take it another step further and outlaw passengers in your vehicle, since they’re a distraction too. Even better, why don’t we install a wireless device into new cars that disables your fucking larynx until you reach your destination so that you can’t talk to your passengers? Too far? Oh, forgive me. You’ll remember why I’m so angry the next time you see the fucking 5-0 speed by with a cell phone attached with one hand to their fuzzy little head.

If our forefathers knew of the increasing fascism in our country, they would be convulsing in their fucking graves. “Leave us the fuck alone!”, they’d proclaim, perhaps a bit more properly, but with no less fervent rage.  If you think that the maniacs in charge are behind you at every turn, they probably are. Encroaching on your turf. Breathing down your neck. Telling you what to do. Freedom? But a dream.

Driving among the sea of vehicles last night, I began thinking about the massive amounts of money people are paying in tolls travelling on a holiday such as Easter.  Personally, my family and I racked up a total of $4.50 round trip, and we only drove on the parkway about 50 miles in total.  Imagine what all the people who drove substantial distances paid.  Some people make long hauls to their jobs in New York from my neck of the woods, potentially spending nearly $20 a day on tolls, five days a week.  What do the citizens of New Jersey get for all that money accumulated throughout the year?  Street lights, but not on the highways.

For all the money drivers pump into the state via tolls, I never see much of a difference.  The New Jersey Turnpike is constantly under construction with little to no improvement, as is the Parkway for 20 mile stretches heading south.  For all this lack of improvement, tolls inflated at the beginning of 2012, bringing 35¢ tolls to 50¢, 50¢ tolls to 75¢, and $1 tolls to $1.50.  Where does that money go?

When I was planning my move to California over six years ago, people tried to sway me mentioning the higher sales tax they have compared to New Jersey (7% vs. 9.25% as of 2006).  I always said it never bothered me because a few pennies on the dollar probably equals what I spend driving on the highways in New Jersey, if not even more.  California doesn’t have tolls on their highways, so I considered it a wash.

Did the toll hike go toward helping keep our governor fat?  It seems possible.  Otherwise, I can’t see any difference.  If the money goes toward anything, it should go toward adding a few lanes to the parkway to ease congestion between Memorial Day and Labor Day when those rat bastards from the North head down here to crowd up our beaches and restaurants.  Aside from that, considering the lack of open cash lanes manned by actual people in light of the invention of EZ Pass, your guesses for where our driving taxes go are as good as mine.

Then again, considering the rising gas prices, maybe I’ll stay home this summer.  Netflix costs less than two gallons of gas and I don’t need to worry about the hazards of people texting while watching a movie.

Due to the recent popularity of movies based on “found footage” such as Paranormal Activity, Project X, and Chronicle, the boys decided to rummage through their old footage to see what shenanigans they could find.  Here is a small portion of those videos.

Head over to the YouTube channel and check out this latest slice of entertainment gold!

The boys can’t resist a cheesy tie-in, so here is an entire hour about their favorite decade.  It’s impossible to squeeze everything they have to talk about into one episode, but they manage to span the gamut of topics anyway.  Hear how young Ryan fantasized about Jessica Rabbit, listen as Jack hates on New Wave, absorb how Chris taped everything on TV, and gasp as Cory remains frightened of the universe’s most beloved extra-terrestrial.

As a kid, you are fearless. That tall tree in the front yard? Climbing it like you were Stallone in Cliffhanger. The dark, cavernous basement? Exploring it like you were Indiana Jones. Nothing was too treacherous, despite what your parents said.

Now you’re 25+ years old and the description of a nose bleed makes your skin crawl. The thought of having to go into that same basement without a flashlight to find the light switch  conjures up visions of boogeymen. What the fuck happened?

I went to the allergist for shots for2+ years of my life. Stabbing needles into my arm was part of a normal Friday afternoon. Now I can’t give blood without feeling a bit queasy.

I was listening to the (completely) medical description of what happens to the  human septum after doing massive amounts of cocaine. For some reason, I became increasingly uncomfortable and had to turn off the radio. What the hell happened to me? I was the kid who drew pictures of death and carnage and wanted skulls and pentagrams tattooed all over my body. I can’t even watch a surgery on the bio channel without feeling uneasy. When did I become so soft?

It saddens me that I have a hard time talking to my wife about a subject she is both passionate about and the primary subject of her job. It’s not that I don’t understand it, its that I honestly can’t talk about it without loosening the neck of my shirt or feeling like I need to cup my ears and shout “La, la, la” until she stops talking.

When I was a kid, my favorite color was always red. I always thought the color was so bright, so daring, so omnipresent. Over the years, I began to realize that the color red, in its many shades, was getting a bad rap. Red seems aggressive, fast, and belligerent. That’s how society views it anyway, if only subconsciously. A red sports car will always get pulled over before a black one of the same make and model. You’ll pay higher car insurance for it too, just because it’s red. Red is the color of the ginger. Everybody knows that nobody likes gingers. They say that you should never wear red to a job interview. Your interviewer may subconsciously view you as reactive, impulsive, a hothead. Funnily enough, when I went on an interview for the job that led me into my current one, I wore a red shirt, and so did my interviewer. Obviously, I got the job. Before that, I worked at a retailer for nearly a year that required me to wear a red shirt everyday. That job ended badly. Wearing red makes you easily spotted. You stick out like a sore thumb (the last thing you want when you don’t want scores of annoying customers to find you). Red is the color of blood, which nobody seems to mind if it’s on a TV screen, but fall victim to a gag reflex or fainting if it’s coming out of their own body.

Finally, red is the color of The Red Rocker, none other than the legendary Sammy Hagar. Sammy has a deep love for the color red. It inspired him, his thought process, and his career. He is one of the greatest rock stars that ever lived. I had to throw that in there.

While I can’t say that red is any longer my favorite color (I usually default to various shades of blue), I will defend it against the widespread and negative subconscious connotation that people give to it. People sometimes mistake aggression for motivation, speed for drive, insatiability for a simple love of life. That’s what red is.

Overall, I enjoy the experience of shopping.  With the exception of shoes, I like to browse around stores and malls when I’m in the market for something specific or just have some money which needs burning.  As I’ve already discussed ad nauseum through this blog and the show, I’m still a fan of tangible media such as CDs and Blu-rays.  Somehow, clicking on a few links and webpages just doesn’t give me that same sensation I get when I hold the product in my hands.  But, with the continued closing of chain retailers, I’m left with only a local handful.  For everything else, it’s Amazon for me.  There are those who say Amazon is killing retail store business.  I say the stores are killing themselves.

Best Buy has drastically reduced its music and movies departments and consolidated them into one small section of their stores.  I get how much CD sales are outnumbered by digital music sales and how spending a dollar to rent a DVD from Redbox impacts customers’ impulse buys of new release movies, but when your store is one of the few options left, it seems like the best option is to make the shopping experience as painless as possible.

If I’m browsing through movies, for example, I’m always approached by someone asking if I need any help.  I tell them I’m just browsing and assume that is the end of our conversation.  Not so.  They go on to ask me how much I pay for cable service.  Yeah, I don’t think it’s any of their business either.  But, like many other national retailers, Best Buy has contractors who walk around the store bugging people about satellite service and cell phone plans.  Frankly, that keeps from shopping at Best Buy sometimes.  Unless there’s a sale.  And even then…

I know everyone throws in their two cents about how they’ve worked in retail before and how things should be done, but this one seems like a no-brainer to me.  Most weeks, there is a display of Blu-rays on sale for $9.99.  So, most weeks, it’s empty.  I’ll usually take a gander to see if a particular title is alphabetized in with the rest of the discs and it typically is.  Wouldn’t it make sense for them to make sure the sale titles are stocked on the sale display?  It does make sense.  Maybe that’s why they don’t do it.  Surely they have someone who can make sure a handful of half price movies are in stock, especially since they’re older titles.  I hardly think anyone is clamoring for Ninja Assassin at this stage.

Recently, I was unexpectedly approached by one of their employees the other day while looking for a movie and since they (naturally) were sold out, he checked online to see if other Best Buy stores had any stock.  The closest store with a copy was 40 miles away.  Funny thing: Amazon has the same movie on sale for the same price AND they have it in stock.  Imagine that.  As I mentioned earlier , some say Amazon is killing stores but I disagree.  It is careless operation like not keeping your sale items stocked for days and customers being hounded by third party salespeople which is killing chains.

Amazon has great customer service.  In fact, it is so great that I have never had to contact them about any of my orders.  That’s why I feel it would be a breeze to call them to fix an issue.  Plus, they don’t have popup windows asking you how much you pay for your TV and internet service.  That certainly makes for a smooth experience.  Yes, many times, Amazon has the lower price, but if I’m not in the mood to wait a few days while it ships, I’ll ask for a price match at a store like Best Buy.  While their displayed policy states they don’t match online prices, I have had them matched by pulling up Amazon prices on my phone.  One time, I was told the store would price match depending on the difference in price without any clear guideline for what was too large of a difference.  Best Buy’s price was $39.99, Amazon’s was $29.99.  They wouldn’t match it.  A $30 gain for Amazon and zero sales movement for Best Buy.

To top it all off, if you do buy something, you have to wait in a bank-style common-feeder line to check out.  Slow moving teenagers take their time replying to a text message even after the customer has swiped their debit card, which keeps things moving slowly.  Only two cashiers with ten people waiting in line?  That sucks.

It’s even worse at the Customer Service desk.  There are two lines: one for returns and one for online order pickup.  Both seemed to be handled by the same person, so I don’t see the point.  This is even more irritating because there are three other employees behind the counter chatting away and not offering assistance or apology.  I always run into this at Best Buy and pretty much always have.  It makes buying something there much more questionable at the chance I’d have to return or exchange it.

When all you offer is poor to little service coupled with annoying salespeople, you can’t expect customers to want to shop at your store.  If there is a painless option for buying merchandise online without the hassle of a store, that’s fine by me.  I’ll admit I sometimes use Best Buy as Amazon’s showroom but if they were more reliable, I’d be much more keen on spending my money at their stores.  If their weekly sale items are sold out during off-peak times of the year and the only advice their employees can give me is to “try BestBuy.com,” I wouldn’t be surprised to see the retailer closing some of their locations due to declining sales.

What’s that?  They are?

Hmm….it couldn’t be because reasons I gave, could it?

With the most recent Mega Millions lottery jackpot well over half a billion dollars, Chris, Jack, Andrew, and Natalie talk about what they would do with that much money – grownup toys, cars, houses, donations, vacations and so much more.

It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light…well, you get it.  The crew is joined by Natalie for a chat about the world of The Muppets, from their early love of Sesame Street to their affection for the prime time specials and all the way up to the latest movie, along with plenty of banter in between.  Remember, this is an uncensored show, so just because it’s about puppets doesn’t mean it’s safe for kids (“Unstrung” anyone?).

“The ending sux!!1!”

This is the familiar outcry of most of fans that have purchased and already beaten Mass Effect 3, the epic shooter/RPG created by BioWare. The game was released March 6th, to the hordes of rabid fans (myself included) that have been drooling over teaser trailers and screen shots ever since it was announced. But why, all the sudden, such a negative response to a game so loved?

My theory is this: most of the players ran through the game faster than a WoW player eats a bag of Doritos. By playing this way, you will always get the worst ending possible. A game such as Mass Effect, as with most RPGs, needs to be played to its fullest potential; hours upon hours of game play are there for a reason. Only after completing side quests, building up your character, obtaining the right items, etc, will you be granted the “good” ending and feel satisfied with the work you put into playing the game.

There is also another theory I have, which coincides with this blog’s title. I believe with such a heavy influence of games such as Halo, Modern Warfare and Call of Duty (all First Person Shooters), gamers, especially here in the States, have little interest in the story of a game. They only care about one thing: gunning down the next target. The idea of “kill everything fast so you can finish” kind of parallels with how fast we all want our information brought to us and our lack of an attention span. People are impatient and don’t want to have to wait for anything, especially for a story to develop in a video game. They want it over, done with , and the best possible outcome; all done within a week’s worth of playing. Sorry kids, it doesn’t work that way.

Mass Effect 3 has 8 different endings depending on the choices you made, not only in this game, but in the previous two games also. If you, as a gamer, don’t have the time to sit and play the game to its fullest, then don’t complain that the ending blows. I think that if you got the “bad” ending in this game, you probably got the “bad” ending in the last two. So quit your bitchin’ and play the dame thing. Shit, you paid $60 (or more) on it.

1.  World Heavyweight Championship Match-  Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Sheamus.  Sheamus winning the 2012 Royal Rumble match allowed him to choose any champion he wanted to face at WrestleMania.  He decided to face  the current World Champion Daniel Bryan.  Looking at these two, the logical choice would be Sheamus.  He’s physically bigger and stronger than the 5’11 World Champion, but Bryan has found ways to win when it didn’t seem possible.  I do find it funny that the match that was supposed to take place at last years WrestleMania for the United States Championship between these two that was cut, is now the World Championship match at this years show.  What a difference a year makes I suppose.

My prediction:  Sheamus.  Bryan has had a great run, but Sheamus is being built to be the next star in WWE.  He’s already been a two time WWE Champion, but he’s gotten significantly over with the fans in the last year that the WWE Universe (I hate they call the fans that) will welcome a new top superstar on the same level as Cena and Orton.  Winning the World Championship will only push him to a new level of superstar.  He has to win it on the grand stage for it to mean something.

2.  WWE Championship-  CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  I love how this feud has played out in recent week.  Both men claim to be the best in the world and will settle their issue at the big show for the richest championship in the industry.  For Jericho to do some additional mudslinging about Punk’s family has made this more of an intriguing personal feud.  Both men are evenly matched and will most likely steal the show with their unparalleled in ring skills.

My prediction:  CM Punk.  I wouldn’t be disappointed to see Jericho win.  Hell, he eventually will become WWE Champion at some point by beating Punk, but not at Mania.  CM Punk deserves to get his validation in WWE.  Winning a championship match at Mania (which Jericho has done before) can only get you that validation of a top star and put Punk in the same company as Stone Cold Steve Austin and so many other great anti-hero champions.  Also, considering how Punk rattled the cages of WWE in the past year, it’s very difficult to see him not walk out of Miami the WWE Champion.

3.  End of an Era/ Hell in a Cell Match- Triple H vs. The Undertaker (Special Guest Referee: Shawn Michaels).  This is the match I’m looking forward to seeing more than any other WrestleMania contest.  It is the end of an era.  Triple H, Undertaker and Shawn Michaels are the heart, soul and mind of the WWE.  Over the last four years there has been some combination of the three in matches that define the spirit of WrestleMania.  In 2oo9, Shawn and Undertaker set the bar higher than anyone having arguably the greatest WrestleMania match ever.  One year later, the Rematch was the most anticipated match in over a decade, where Shawn retired when it was over.  Last year, Triple H and Undertaker had a brutal no holds barred match where in the end Taker won, but was physically unable to stand when it was all over.

This brings us to Miami.  There is one more match that will end an era of WWE that we’ll never see again, with the two best in WWE history.  Only one structure could contain these men, Hell in a Cell.  The cage that Triple H and Undertaker built their legacies in separately and defined the structures brutality.  Together both men have been in 19 Hell in a Cell matches combined, but never one on one against each other inside of it.  This is the ultimate conclusion to a rivalry and an era of WWE that’s lasted for 17 years.

My prediction:  The Undertaker goes 20-0 at WrestleMania.  You don’t bet against The Streak.  Triple H and Shawn Michaels came the closest, and I guarantee there will be several close calls and several heart stopping moments, especially if Shawn isn’t is impartial.  The Deadman owns WrestleMania and will end an era once and for all.  Hunter and Shawn are my two all time favorites, but on Sunday night myself and millions of others will be pulling for the Undertaker to continue the greatest winning streak of anyone else anywhere.

4.  THE MAIN EVENT: Once in a Lifetime- John Cena vs. The Rock.  One year ago in Atlanta, GA the night after WrestleMania XXVII the match was set between two of the biggest icons in WWE history for this years WrestleMania.  As a fan, I knew the build and anticipation for an encounter between these two men would be worth the wait.  There were several encounters and trash talk amongst the two for well over the past year, but the time for face to face stare downs is over.  Both men, consummate performers and pop culture icons will have the one on one encounter the WWE fans have dreamed about for nearly a decade this Sunday night.

My prediction:  This is really a tough one for me to decide.  Monday night on Raw, Cena made his claims that he needs to win because the WWE is his life and will still continue to be a part of WWE long after Sunday, while the Rock has several other projects outside the company.  The Rock however says he needs to beat Cena in order to become the greatest superstar of all time, as he’s beaten Hogan and Austin at this very event before.  After thinking it over, I’m predicting John Cena gets the victory and continues to bear the WWE flag.  Regardless I doubt, this will be the only Cena vs. Rock match, but the first one is important and will set the bar high for the rematch.  Whether we have to wait one year at WrestleMania 29 or just a couple of months.  If Cena wins, it will eat away at the Rock that he’s never beaten Cena and Cena will be accepted in the same company as legends whether the fans like it or not.  If the Rock wins, Cena will be frowned upon by many of his peers and won’t be able to let loose of the sting that is the loss to the Rock from their first encounter.  I’m a fan of both, more so of the Rock, but I’m predicting Cena the victor at WrestleMania.

Other matches on the card:

Team John Laurinaitis (Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, The Miz, Drew McIntyre, and David Otunga) vs. Team Teddy Long (Zack Ryder, The Great Khali, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Booker T. and Santino Marella)  Winning GM Team controls both Raw and Smack Down.  My prediction:  Team Laurinaitis wins.  John Laurinaitis is a character fans love to hate, so him being in control of both shows is something that makes sense for good TV drama.  Besides Teddy Long has been the GM of Smack Down for eight years now.  No offense, but it’s time for something different.

Intercontinental Championship- Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Big Show.  My prediction:  Big Show becomes the new Intercontinental Champion.  This has been booked so well with Rhodes publicly embarrassing Big Show about his horrible win record at WrestleMania.  Out of Show’s 11 appearances, he’s only won 3 matches and they were all tag team matches.  He needs a one on one victory and he may be validated to win one.  Even if he has the title for a few days and it goes back to Cody Rhodes, Big Show deserves a victory.

Kane vs. Randy Orton.  My prediction: Randy Orton.  Orton wins all the time and Kane, as physically imposing as he is, will be another victory for Orton.  I’ll be very surprised if it’s not.

Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve.  My prediction:  Eve and Beth win.  Yes, that’s Maria from NBC’s “Extra.”  It wouldn’t be WrestleMania without a celebrity getting involved in a match.

That’s my summary of WrestleMania XXVIII.  Hopefully my predictions come true, but if not then WWE television should become very intriguing starting the following Monday Night Raw.  I love this time of year and highly anticipate the show Sunday night and it will be interesting to see if  I was right or wrong.  Check back in a few weeks on this site as well as a new installment of WrestlingCast will be available for your listening pleasure.  Until then refresh yourself with last years episode.  Until then, welcome to WrestleMania!

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the 100th episode of my blog, Revelations and Doorknobs here at TheOnlyPodcast.com. It’s been a pleasure gracing you with my fractured perspective on the world for just about the past year-and-a-half, and there will be much more where that came from. I’ve filmed a little video introduction for you, to try something a little different in celebration of this milestone. I wrote a treatment for the video before filming, and I like to call myself “One-Take McGee”, but you will see after the credits that such is not the case. Thanks for reading every week, and I hope you continue to do so.

Ryan

REVELATIONS and DOORKNOBS

EVERY TUESDAY

THEONLYPODCAST.COM

I don’t like keeping my phone on at all hours of the day.  I’m in the minority of my peer group when it comes to this habit.  I turn my cell phone off when I go to bed and I have for years and that annoys some people.  So what?

Everyone always jumps to the emergency factor.  Anybody who would need to get in touch with me when there is an emergency knows where I am or has my home number.  If the house phone rings while it is dark out and I’m asleep, I should be lucid enough to realize the situation is an important one.

I think this is all a side effect of living in reaction.   How many times do your friends check their mobile devices when you’re telling them about something?  They hear a DING! and absolutely need to check their email in case it’s urgent.  Emails aren’t urgent.  Phone calls are.  Sometimes, they’ll get a text and need to reply immediately.  Wouldn’t want to make someone who isn’t standing right in front of you wait while the person who is standing there tries to tell their story to a brick wall.

I think Twitter has helped give people perspective on missing out.  After all, Twitter is an ongoing real-time conversation so unless you backtrack by hours or days, you may miss an update.  Chances are you didn’t miss a damn thing.  One person had Special K for breakfast, a celebrity tweeted some inane encouragement to be happy, and a friend of yours FML’s over not being able to find their car keys.  Thankfully, they found their phone so they could tweet about it.

I’ll admit I’m not great at ignoring my phone all the time.  I’ve gotten into the habit of silencing all alerts except phone calls when I’m driving, I rarely take my phone out having dinner with my girlfriend, and sometimes I just want to be left out so I silence the phone altogether and check it when I’m ready to be plugged back in.  While they’re awesome for many reasons, mobile devices have given us way more reasons to really not focus on any one action.  I like having my phone but I don’t like what the alert sounds turn me into.  No wonder so many people are claiming to have ADD when they jump every time they hear a beep.  It’s called “hypnosis.”  Unplug once in a while, even while you sleep.  It’s good for you.

I find myself getting bored with my tired playlist again. When this happens I need to search for some new music. It’s not an easy task to find a band or compilation that will hold my interest for very long. It is rather tough for a guy like myself who doesn’t have a smart phone or satellite radio. So I need to actively search out these bands that will be playing in my ears for the coming months. There is still plenty of technology at my disposal to set on my musical venture. With which I do usually find enough new music to sustain my hunger pains.

A common website I use when I’m on my search is LastFM.com. This site lets you type in a band’s name that you already know and like, and it will put together a string of songs by different bands that sound like the one you listed. A good example of a band I found through this method is Portugal the Man. I simply typed in Mars Volta, and one of the top similar bands was Portugal the Man. I didn’t immediately find the charm of the band, so I continued listening to more of the band on various other websites. In my personal experience, I find the more I know about a band the more I can appreciate their music. So while listening to a band’s music on one page, I’m researching them on another. I feel it makes for a more complete musical experience.

Another way I look for music is through Youtube, surprisingly. It’s a good way to find similar bands on the same record label. Plus I’m a sucker for reading other people’s comments on the various bands I like. Nothing is better than people having a “this band is better than that” argument on the web. I digress from my point. Since my particular taste in music is various, I don’t want to find a carbon copy of bands I already know. If at all possible, I like to find bands that cross genres. So it’s interesting when I look up an artist such as Joe Bonamassa. What pops up as similar to him can vary from country to blues, even hard rock bands will appear.

The most common way I peruse the magical world of the auditory arts is through iTunes. This is where I’ve found practically my whole music library. It’s hard to think of how I got by before iTunes came around. All that was around was FM radio and MTV. Not much choice of music with just those devices. With iTunes, it was just nice to have a place to organize all my music. Now it’s come as far as incorporating a mechanic known as Genius. This nifty little program will actually find you a song similar to the one you’re currently listening to. It has helped me find bands like Oysterhead, Street Sweeper Social Club, and High on Fire.

These are just a few ways I continue my music exploration. Of course I hear plenty of good music in my video games and movies. My friends have great taste in music, usually. So I am never at a loss of exposure to new tunes. These are just ways I search in any free time I have. I’m ever searching, so if anyone has good recommendations for me, I’m willing to listen to anything and everything. Well I’m feeling the calling as I type this, so I’m off to see what my searches will yield. Keep listening and keep learning.

As a followup to Chris’ rant earlier in the week, Ryan and Jack join him to argue the merits of Guitar World magazine’s list of the 50 “greatest” Van Halen songs of all time.  The boys also call for Sammy Hagar to get his due credit, while looking at the band’s shaky relationship with David Lee Roth and spewing a barrage of opinions.