Save a Tweet, Write a Blog

Thanks for the title, Chris.

As you could have guessed, this will be my version of the “too long to tweet…” blog theme. Let’s begin.

– I wish that whatever vehicle I am currently driving was invincible, along with a whole host of other insane video game style cheats. Super speed, taking my “wanted” level down (seeing as how I’ll be driving like an asshole {like that’s not normal}), regeneration, etc. How would these cheats take affect, you ask? A controller of some sort would pop out from the dash and I’d input some combination of buttons (Konami Code, probably). Let me reiterate, this would only apply to the car I was driving. If everybody had this ability, it would just be glorified bumper cars and even more traffic for me to deal with.

-I seem to surprise my wife with my knowledge of first aid from time to time. Either that, or she has become so used to dealing with helpless, whiny people too often. Example: I recently cut myself pretty badly on my knuckle. Instead of freaking out at the amount red fluid running all over my hand, I simply grabbed a first aid kit and tightened a band aid around the wound. I mean tightened; first rule of a bleeding victim is to apply pressure to stop the bleeding. From there, I kept my finger straight and tried to find something to splint it with. Why a splint? I cut myself on my knuckle, which won’t heal properly if I keep bending it, you dolt. All of this was done from my (limited) knowledge of first aid and without medical supervision. I naturally got a real splint and bandage job done when she came home from work, but I’d say it wasn’t bad for not having all the correct medical instruments.

– Just because your day is going bad, or your Mexicans (they were, I’m not being racist) aren’t doing what you told them to do, doesn’t man that you get to nit pick my job; a job you probably know very little about and weren’t around to watch me do. Plus, I’m putting a windshield in your work truck, a truck you (very obviously) don’t take that much care of in the first place, even for being only 3 years old. You can’t polish a turd and I’m sure as hell not going to polish it for you.

That’s about it for now. I’m sure I’ll be back with more.