Balls

The most dreaded time of the year is back.  I’m speaking, of course, about football season.

Oh sure, plenty of fans look forward to it for the whopping six months when football isn’t dominating the television schedule, and when it comes, it doesn’t stop.  In fact, this phenomenon of constant televised football was shown to me last weekend when I learned about NFL Redzone.  In case this also passed you by, NFL Redzone is a channel where commercial breaks aren’t shown during game broadcasts.  Instead, every live game is constantly streamed on the channel so you can fill an entire Sunday with scattered segments of every goddamn game on TV.  This is a nightmare for someone like me who has friends that are in love with football.

I’m also fairly annoyed by stores where employees are allowed to wear football jerseys to work on Sundays.  If I were a fan of any other mainstream American sport, I’d probably hate football fans even more than I already do because that seems to be the only sport which dictates an exception to job dress codes.  I never see hockey jerseys worn during regular season play, or basketball jerseys whenever the hell the NBA plays.  I guess since the majority of football games happen on one specific day every week, that makes it okay to allow those in the service industry to wear the name and number of some overpaid jock while getting paid for it.

What annoys me most about football in particular is the name.  I’ll bet you’ve heard this a thousand times from people much smarter and funnier than me, but the game should be called Handball.  Feet are used a minor amount of time in football so the name makes little sense.  The rest of the world plays the appropriately named football (known in the States as “soccer”) where everyone apart from two players on the field cannot use their hands but only their feet.  If you’re playing with your feet, the name makes perfect sense and I’m going to allow it.  Semantics, yes, but my point stands.

In the end, no matter what I think, fans will be enjoying football for the next 4+ months without my support.  I will continue to avoid Facebook on Sundays, where my news feed will be littered with play-by-play statuses which only make sense when read in real time (since nobody watches games after their broadcast).  Yes, football season is here again and “your team” will either win the Super Bowl or have a better season next year.  At least, that’s what I’m led to believe by fans.