How To Write Like The Stars Of!

Hey, kids!  Are you an aspiring blogger?  Do you enjoy the ramblings from the boys at  Well, here’s your chance to learn the style of each contributing writer!

Below is an overview of the types of language and subjects The Warriors write about on a weekly basis.


Earlier this week, I was driving around my decaying old neighborhood while blasting metal from when the genre was still good and puffing on my inhaler (no thanks to the pollen) when I realized I had absolutely nothing to write about this week.  These days, my time is taken up by my wife, my job, my dumb dog, and dealing with all the stupid fucks I see out in the world, like the people on the cover of every magazine in the rack.  As George Carlin said, “Think about how stupid the average person is and then realize half of them are stupider than that.”


Unlike when I grew up in the 80’s, modern TV sucks so much.  Why can’t it be as fantastic as every event movie that comes out during the summer months?  Despite not having a soundtrack stuffed to the gills with 80’s music, big summer movies are the way to go.  But when it comes to TV, come on, Hollywood.  Stop appealing to the dopey teenage mothers who only want to see the latest interchangeable pop star on the big screen and start giving us something we can sink our teeth into (and the head, the tail, the whole damn thing!).  I love summer because I can go to the boardwalk and not be stuck at home or at work where this mindless excuse for television carries on all around me.  Turn off “Family Feud” and go outside, America.  This is Jack, and I’ll see YOU at the movies!


As much as I am a hypocrite about many things, whatever I’m typing this week is irrefutably right.  For example, working in customer service provides me with a double-edged sword whereby I’m privy to the latest cool technology, yet I have to deal with old people and stupid teenagers in the process.  This is made even worse by being forced to interact with the guido scum every weekend, a class of people who bring my blood to a boil with every meaningless vowel they utter.  Just the mere sight of their unpumping fist makes me want to slice their arms off with a rusty hatchet.  I dream of a world where Marcellus Wallace and Jules show up with a battering ram and demolish the Holland Tunnel.  Then, and only then, will I truly be at peace with humanity.


Thought has struck me once again.  While I’m out and about in the world, I observe trivial things and, being a lunatic with a website as an outlet, I dissect them every week and turn them into an essay based on my train of thought (with lots of parentheses).  When sporadic items capture my attention, I lump them in as “random thoughts.”  When something about music gets under my skin, I blabber on about that too.  Sometimes, the romantic frustrations of those in my world cause me to spout off in person while a distilled version of my opinion finds its way into a makeshift advice piece.  Yes, though I proclaim my absence from normalcy while inserting a ludicrous amount of links to myself and others, in the end, I am simply here as an observer.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this overview of the blog section of our website.  I know I have.  Chances are the other guys didn’t.  See you next week(?).