Unsolicited Advice: Man’s Attraction To Woman Part 1

Men are simple.  As Chris Rock once said, there are only three things a man wants: food, sex, and silence.  Can a woman meet those needs?  Certainly.

Women are not simple.  Women prefer to complicate things.  Need proof?  Men, have you ever observed a woman getting herself ready for a night out?  How long does she spend getting ready?  The statement “just give me two more minutes” means you can make it through an entire “Lord of the Rings” movie before going out to warm up the car.

APPEARANCE

Sadly, a woman’s attention to detail goes largely unnoticed by most men (to be fair, I said “most men”).  When out and about on a date or any other social engagement, men just want a woman to look sexy on their arm and not do any unreasonable flirting.  When a couple stays in, he wants her to not look like a slob, so some preparation of her appearance is necessary, but nothing more than touching up.  Casual and comfortable is totally fine, but please keep the sweats that say “Pink” across the ass and your flip flops in your closet.

Ultimately, many women dress and look a certain way in order to compete with other women.  Men look at attractive women.  Thus, women size up women who are more attractive than they are, which leads to all sorts of absurd behavior.

For instance, tons of women go tanning because they think it makes them look sexy.  Ladies, fake tans are not sexy.  There is nothing sexy about looking like the top half of a Duracell battery.  Seeing a carrot answer the door frightens men and makes them wonder what you’re hiding under all that orange skin.

Call me old-fashioned, but, to me, makeup is supposed to be used to accentuate a woman’s face, not to give her a brand new one.  After all, if a woman shares a connection with a guy and they eventually spend the night together, he’ll want to recognize her when he wakes up.  Don’t coat yourself in foundation and wear a hooker’s amount of eye shadow.  Again, it seems like a woman is hiding something when she does this and it’s not the best way to make a good impression.

Shoes: women love them, men don’t care about them.  Enough said.

Tune in next Monday for Part 2, if you can stand to read it…