Unsolicited Advice: She’s Just Not That Into Douchebags

The classic board game “Clue” is recommended for players ages eight and up.  It seems an eight year-old is mentally sophisticated enough to solve a domestic murder mystery, yet many boys grow up to be twenty-somethings who refuse to take hints when it comes to a woman’s disinterest.  Once again, we are talking about men and women relating to each other.

Recently, a few female friends of mine have been harassed receiving unwanted attention from an outside contractor who is occasionally brought in to get some work done in our place of business.  These women are classy, intelligent and possibly too sweet to actually tell this guy to fuck off.  Regardless, his advances have begun to annoy even the men who cannot stand his mindless pursuit of all of these ladies.

Are the ladies playing into it?  No.  Are they leading him on?  Not even slightly.  Without being given anything more than a polite greeting, this guy talks to them endlessly about…himself.  And therein lies the problem.  Maybe?  Let’s continue.

Things got more ludicrous when he asked one of the ladies for her email address.  She gave it to him, most likely because she wanted him to shut up for five seconds.  Two days later, he sends her the following email, which I have copied the format of and translated for you lucky readers.

(Subject) HEY this is CLUELESS!!!!!! [his name has been changed to both protect his identity and reflect his nature]

Uniterested, [her name has been changed to reflect the obvious]

[inane link #1]


[inane link #2]


[inane link #3]

Just in case you haven’t had enough, here’s one more to help make you sick of me!!

[inane link #4]

I’m also a fan of the following which I’m emailing you to give you a glimpse into what I’m into despite the fact I’ve never bothered asking anything about you!

[inane link #5]

Send me your # again. Let’s go out to lunch/dinner soon. I’m free Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let me know what works. [Note to men: letting her know you have nothing going on for four straight days offers her all the proof she needs to figure out you have no life and no prospects.  By the way, just to clarify, yes, he emailed her ultimately to ask her for her phone number and a date.  Very smooth indeed.]



Now, as I translated, this dummy does nothing but talk about himself to all of these ladies, never once asking them to talk about themselves.  If there is one lesson guys everywhere should get from the experiences of others, it is to ask a woman an open-ended question about herself and SHUT THE HELL UP SO YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT HER AND PROVE YOU KNOW HOW TO LISTEN.  This is the respectful thing to do, not to mention one of the easiest.  A simple “How is your day going?” can open the conversational floodgates for a woman.  Plus, if you’re attentive enough to hear what she’s saying, you can get to know quite a bit about her personality and her perception of herself and others.  Who knew asking about her and being a great listener could prove you’re worthy of her time?  Oh yeah, I did.  That’s why I’m writing this blog.

For the sake of both genders, I present you with a checklist as a reference for men who can’t take hints.  Feel free to share it with a friend and hide it from an enemy.  For the ladies: if you want to know what upsets guys and you don’t mind candid adult conversation, listen here and then here.  If you want to know what guys like, listen here.  You can also check these out on iTunes (I hardly think I need to insert a link for that).

The “She’s Not Interested” Checklist: Five Ways To Help You Clarify You Have No Shot


  • You’re the only one initiating a conversation

  • Your only contact with her is when you both happen to be in the same place at the same time (work, bus stop, therapist’s waiting room, rehab, etc)

  • You tell her you prefer to go out and get drunk rather than go to your own graduation

  • You ask her out, she declines, and you reply by saying “Oh, come on!”

  • You look in the mirror and see an idiot staring back at you