Snakes That SHOULD Be On A Plane, With A One-Way Ticket To Hell

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”.

They already know the answer, but you never know how to reply. Do you throw your hands up and admit your guilt, or play dumb? No matter how you respond, you’ll probably have a good 10-15 minutes to think about it, while they sit in their patrol car, deciding your fate. Are they going to give you a ticket or not? If yes, what will it actually be for? How much is the fine going to be? Will you have to go to court? It never gets easier. You sweat. Your heart pounds as you await the verdict.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what the New Jersey police are doing with your tax dollars. Running your plates in a parking lot while you’re at work, for no reason. Pulling you over for “speeding”, when your rate of travel poses no danger to anyone’s safety, including your own. I know what you’re thinking…to quote the great Jim Carrey in Liar Liar, “STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!!!”. Point taken.  However, the police have gotten out of control. As crime rates in most parts of the state continue to drop, the boredom of the Garden State’s police forces continues to rise. That, coupled with increasingly draconian speed limits, leads to the targeting of otherwise law-abiding citizens out on the roads.

History tells us that when the first national speed limit was set to 55 MPH in the 1970s, it was done so during a major gas crisis. The theory was simple- make people drive slower, people use less gas. It had nothing to do with safety. Ever since, endless studies have been conducted concerning the effect of speed limits on car accidents and their severity. Depending on the location, method, and length of these studies, they have been found to be largely inconclusive. Slow does not mean safe. Arrogant, quaint small towns are posting ridiculous 25 or 35 MPH speed limits <<cough, Farmingdale, cough…cough, Bayville, cough>>, because we wouldn’t want anyone doing anything crazy like driving through our towns, would we?

New Jersey is in dire need of a good crime wave. That may sound terrible, but this law-abiding citizen is nearing the end of his already short fucking fuse. You thought “that time of the month” is bad for women, but it pales in comparison to that of the cops. I question how many cops honestly care for the safety of the general public, and not just their quota and the state’s bottom line. These increasingly restrictive speed limits cause nothing but congestion on the roads and possibly millions of dollars in unnecessary traffic. This bitter driver will be investing in a radar detector, to at least have some prior warning to the location of those money-grubbing, snake-in-the-grass bastards.

“To Protect and Serve”. Right. They protect their bottom line and serve their quota. “To Harass and Extort” is more like it. Burn in Hell, every last one of you. The Only Podcast That Matters has just lost the police vote, but it’s a small price to pay for their insufferable existence and continual injustices. To all drivers out there, goodnight, and good luck.