The Awesome Action Money Locker

Hey, kids! Today, I’m here to talk to you about THE action movie star, one Mr. Jeremy Renner. I’ve been rocking a huge hetero-boner (if such a thing exists) for him since he fearlessly dismantled roadside bombs in Iraq in his award-winning, breakout role in The Hurt Locker. Since then, he’s been blowing up across America’s movie theaters and TV screens. His astronomical rise included a role as Ben Affleck’s bank-robbing buddy in The Town, complete with machine guns, nun masks, and Boston accents. Even more exciting than that is his upcoming role as Hawkeye in The Avengers, which will hit theaters on May 4th this year. Whose idea was it to make a superhero movie starring Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Downey, Jr., Scarlett Johansson, and give Jeremy Renner a bow and arrow? A genius, that’s who. As if all this wasn’t enough, Renner had the torch passed to him from Tom Cruise in the recently released Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and will be taking the reins from Matt Damon in The Bourne Legacy, the continuation of the Bourne series. Another potentially cool role for Mr. Renner, will be that of Hansel, in Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, which finds the fairytale characters grown up as bounty hunters, and will be due for release in January of 2013. I hope that the world sees and fully appreciates the awesomeness of Jeremy Renner. He should star in every action movie from now on, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him put Jason Statham out of business.