The Heat

I love how news stations and the internet at large have to tell people how to survive a heat wave, year after year. Americans have sunk to such an abject level of stupidity that we need a bullet-pointed list on now to not die when the mercury rises.  Drink water. Duh. Stay the fuck inside. Duh again. Air conditioning. Noticing a pattern? This past week, temperatures here in New Jersey hit the 100-degree mark several times. That usually happens at least once a year here, yet people still lose their minds when it happens. Facebook lights up with statuses complaining about the heat, as well as countless whiners “muploading” pictures of the temperature gauges in their cars. People act like it doesn’t get obnoxiously hot here in the summer, like this is some sort of a surprise.  Yet not only here, but across the country, people are dropping dead (albeit mostly senior citizens and young children). When temperatures spike at 102º, people think it’s the perfect day to go for a jog, or to lock their dog in the car with the windows closed. Anyone with a brain in their head knows how to survive two unusually hot days in the middle of the summer. For those that don’t…

“Hi, I’m Natural Selection. Have we met?”