Pheasantly Surprised

A funny thing happened to me last week after I posted my blog.  I went outside to my car to get some paperwork from my job that I left on my front passengers seat.  When I opened my car door, I felt something hit me three separate times.  My first instinct was that it was raining because the skies were pretty gloomy that day.  When I looked up I realized it wasn’t rain, but a flock of seagulls that were circling my car.  When I looked down at my shirt and pants, I realized it wasn’t raindrops.  It was bird droppings on my shoulder, wrist and pant leg.  I immediately shut the car door and went back inside before more of them were able to unload.

I laughed it off pretty quickly, thinking of the old saying that it’s good luck to have that happen to you.  I sure hope so, because a little extra luck never hurt anybody and I just got shit on so this better be for something.  As I showered away the bird shit, this did get me thinking that birds like seagulls and pigeons are some of the most annoying animals on the planet.  There are nice, beautiful birds in the world and then there’s pigeons and seagulls.  They’re like the homeless people of the bird world.

If you’ve ever been to a boardwalk, carnival, or on the beach you know how annoying these birds are, especially in the Tri-State area.  Seagulls will fly above and around you no matter what, but they’ll especially harass you if you’re eating or even drop something on the ground.  If you drop a french fry, forget it.  It becomes a feeding free for all as they all pile on one another to get a bite of food.  Much like my car situation, they form a circle above you so you’re not sure if you’re about to get pooped on or have your tasty treats ripped away from your hand by these filthy bastards.  They make any beautiful day outing an unpleasant experience.

Pigeons are not much better.  If you’ve ever been in New York City and think that the light posts are moving, they’re not.  It’s because they’re covered from top to bottom with hundreds of pigeons.  They’re everywhere in that city and in various other metropolises in our country.  They don’t do anything but fly from out of nowhere and scare the crap out of you.  They sit an stare at you and converge with hundreds of their own brethren at a time in the most inconvenient of places, i.e. directly in the path you’re supposed to walk.  The only purpose they serve is to be filthy, annoying, pestering creatures and they’re doing a good fucking job at that.

I can’t stand these types of birds and will now be even more annoyed at these bastards after they left their mark on me.  I look forward to going to the boardwalks again in a few months, but not to be in the presence of these pests.  Of all the animals that have become extinct or are in danger of becoming extinct, why can’t these animals be one of them?  It must be one of the many cruel jokes of the universe of why the population of seagulls and pigeons continue to increase, just so we can’t enjoy a hot meal outside.  Shoo!!! Shoo!!!  Get out of here!!!  Damn birds!