The Wizard of Odd

I’ve never liked the 1939 classic “The Wizard of Oz” at any point in my life.  Scratch that, I fucking hate this movie.    Why?  Because, because, because, because, because …… it’s one of the creepiest and most boring films that I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching.  Not everyone I know, but a majority of people that I’m either friends with or in my family are astonished with this recent revelation.  I’ve hated this film as far back as I can remember and haven’t developed any sort of tolerance for it in my lifetime.  I’ve seen it as a kid, a teenager, and in my 20s, and nothing has changed about my opinion of it.

I will give credit where credit is due.  It truly was a revolutionary film for it’s time in terms of creativity and imagery.  I won’t take any of that credit away, nor will I take away it’s contributions to films that audiences enjoy today.  Sure, MAYBE if there was no “Wizard of Oz” there would be no “Star Wars,” “E.T.,” or anything else that has captured people’s imaginations to write creative stories that stand the test of time, but I highly doubt “The Wizard of Oz” was the genesis to which all creative stories came from.

I don’t see how people can enjoy this film at all.  Sure, it’s a family movie, but it’s so creepy in nature that I don’t see how any little kid can stand it.  I was frightened out of my mind as a kid with the Witch, who was so hideous not just on screen, but in real life as well.  Good God, she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down face first.  The flying monkeys are just flat out horrifying.  So were the Lion and the Scarecrow.  For endearing characters, they sure were unappealing to look at.  Don’t even get me started on the Munchkin people.  I have absolutely nothing against little people, but that particular batch was scarier looking than the monsters in “Gremlins.”  Again, even off screen, those little individuals were horrifying to look at.

I was scared of everything in this movie.  Also, the rumors of someone who hung themselves on the set didn’t do me any favors to liking it.  It just made it worse.  The music too drives me insane.  I hate every single one of those songs so much that it makes me want pound my head against a brick wall and not a yellow brick one either.  Over the rainbow, psshhh.  More like somewhere over my asshole.

The fear of certain characters went away when I watched it in my teens, but the creepy stigma stayed.  I remember thinking that this was the most horrifying kids movie ever made.  I’ve seen plenty of kids movies where good fought evil and sometimes the villain was a monster of some sort, but this film took the taco when it came to frightening the shit out of kids.  As I grew older and began to appreciate more films I still couldn’t latch onto this movie.  You might be thinking that because it’s an old movie I don’t like it, and that’s absolutely false.  I’ve seen movies older than this and love some older movies from the 1930s and beyond, but this doesn’t appeal.  Even trying the “Dark Side of the Moon” sync up with the film doesn’t appeal to me, because I have to watch the film in order to do that.  I don’t even like “Dark Side of the Moon” that much either, but that’s another story for another time.

What’s even worse is the upcoming prequel in 2013 about Oz’s beginning.  Who cares?  It’s just an excuse to make Oz a 3D movie, that looks like every other 3D movie.  If you haven’t seen the trailer, picture this: it looks like exactly like 2010’s “Alice in Wonderland.”  There, I just saved you two long, explosion-less hours of your life that you’ll never get back and a few dollars so you don’t have to buy a bottle of aspirin for the headache the 3D will give you.  It’s also directed by Sam Raimi, who only directed three good movies his entire career, and they weren’t the “Spider-Man” movies.  Even “Evil Dead” (the good movies Raimi directed for those who haven’t seen them) isn’t as creepy as “Oz.”  Well, not really, but I like “Evil Dead” and this is my blog, so fuck it.  I’ve proven my point.

I have no good memories of this film at all and don’t intend on ever seeing it again.  When the day comes and I have a wife and children and they want to sit and watch it, I will not be available, guaranteed.  I’m sure you think that sounds bad, but I hate that movie enough to make no exceptions.  I plan on showing my kids everything I loved, in the hopes they’d like it.  Ironically, my kids will probably be frightened of “Star Wars” or “Indiana Jones” and develop the same disdain for them that I’ve had for “Wizard of Oz” since my youth.  That would probably be my luck.

In the last few days, I’ve been chastised about how I hate this movie.  I found out recently that I’m not the only one who hates it too.  Some friends and family members have a mutual disdain for this movie and have either been afraid to say it because of being equally mocked or because they don’t want to put up with the arguments of why they should like it.  They all hate it for the same reason(s) I do.  To them I say thank you for the support and go tell anyone who argues with you about it to stick a broomstick up their ass and go follow the yellow brick road into traffic.  It might not sound like I have courage or a heart, but I do have a brain and I won’t waste anymore time and effort on this film ever again.   Suck it Oz.